New to this website so I am not sure if I am in the wrong place or not.

My H and I have been seperated for 7 months. I asked him to leave after 28 years of marriage when I found out he went on vacation with someone else.

That is long over1 - Although I think he has a new friend.

Anyhow, he does come over to the house and we do talk. I am not sure how to get him back. I am hurt, betrayed and angry at him, I asked him if he wants a divorce and he says he does not know what he wants.

He has been over for thanksgiving and will be over at the house for Xmas.

How can I get him back and get us started communicating so we can start to mend this broken fence.

I will admit I was not there for him emotional all the time and he as been under pressure with his family issues over the last few years.

I need steps to take so I can get us back to talking and not arguing.

Or is it too late! - After 7 months being seperated.

I did talk to a divorce lawyer last week and he had asked me if I was sure this is what I wanted. And I told him I don't know.

I am lonely, confused and unable to get us to a place where we can discuss our feelings.

Would a long letter to him work!

Out of Patience and out of my mind!

Thanks,

Top Edit

Read through Trying2Live's thread. She was separated from her WH for quite a while before she started the MB program.

It is strongly recommended that you order the book Surviving an Affair, and also His Needs Her Needs. You can order them from this site. In the meantime, read the articles here (along the side).

Your WH is currently cake-eating. You are meeting some of his ENs (emotional needs) and so is she. He'll continue to do this as long as you and she both allow it. There are steps you can take to change this and increase your chances of recovering the marriage. I would advise you to follow the MB program regardless of whether you want to recover your M or not - it also brings personal recovery.

As already mentioned your WH is a cakeeater, and you are enabling it.

He needs the door shut in his face. No communication, no food equates to NO FIX.

Not to say he will come back, but I must assume the part time relationship you have now will not due long term. So it's up to you to take control and make your demands heard.

Plan B...

I agree that your WH is a classic cake eater.. but before you go into a Plan B and sever all contact, you'll want to be sure to do a very good Plan A first.

The best suggestion you've received so far is to order Surviving an Affair and His Needs Her Needs. Once you read these you'll understand many of the concepts that will be thrown at you on these boards.

In the meantime, read through ALL of Dr. Harley's basic concepts on this website. Your goal, IF you want to see the restoration of your M is to avoid LoveBusters right now, and these plans are designed to help you do that.

You'll receive a lot of support from people on this board, regardless of what you choose to do, however please keep a few things in mind.

1) While all affairs are frighteningly similar, nobody has to walk in your shoes but you.

2) Nobody on these boards knows all the details pertinent or relevant to your situation.

3) Nobody I've ever run into on these boards is a professional marriage counselor, so consider the advice here just as heavily as you might the advice from a pedestrian on the street.