I can't believe you continue to defend this woman.

Who gives a flip if she is inconvenienced? Like you said, she brought this on herself. Let HER suffer the consequences, NOT YOU! JO and all his SF buddies are laughing their butts off at you; let them deal with a cheating girlfriend.

When are you going to respect yourself and get mad at what they are all doing to you?

Another warm body? If she loved you, she would have said YOUR warm body. not another (leaving it as any other warm body would do).

You have one of the most disturbing threads I have ever read on MB and that's saying a lot since I've been posting and reading on here for 3 years.

I can relate to you to an extent. I had a very hot girlfriend 10 years ago who behaves very similarly as you do. The biggest difference between you and I is that I would have drawn a very clear line as far as her sleeping with other men went and then telling me about it. I can't believe that your self respect is so low that you tolerate this.

The woman I dated dumped me. She's now 32 and on her fourth husband. My life would have been a disaster if I had stayed with her.

Seriously, I can relate because I acted a lot like you and was close to your age when I went through what you're going through.

I too lived with this woman and thought things were great.

I too had an awesome sex life with her and she was a bit freaky and hot and I loved having her at my side at places.

Her behavior doesn't disturb me anywhere near as much as yours.

I don't care if you spend 3 years being single and without a date. That's better than the abuse you're allowing to happen right now.

Yes, there are tons of wonderful women out there. TONS.

You're young and have plenty of time to meet someone worthy, but this woman is a future divorce for you.

She reminds me so much of my ex fiance and I am so grateful I never married her.

Like you I loved her.

Like you I was addicted to how hot she was.

Like you I let her dictate things.

Like you she could get me to do as she wanted through a few tears and a little sexual bribery.

I didn't get any respect from her till I grew a backbone.

I will bet you a million dollars that if you say to her, "If you step out of this home tonight and go to JO then you can forget about coming back here. Your stuff will be packed on the front door" that she'll change her tune.

She will react and not leave because she's using you.

I see this clearly because of another woman I lived with who was mooching off of me. She treated me like garbage as well.

One day I told her that I wasn't going to take it anymore and that she could leave because I was sick about how she was treating me.

I fully expected her to say something like, "No one talks to me like that! I'm out of here!"

But it was quite the opposite. She apologized for how she was behaving, suddenly became nice, and tried to make peace. She asked me for money a few hours later and that was the straw that broke the cammel's back.

You are a doormat because you're afraid of being alone. I had that same fear. But I have experience now and many years of dating (and one cheating wife) which has given me very valuable perspective.

No woman is worth being disrespected for. There's plenty of them out there for good looking guys, bad looking guys, chunky guys and nerdy guys.

I have a gut like you. I'm nerdy like you.

But I have self confidence you lack. I think nothing about ending something with someone who mis-treats me and I've done so. The liberation comes when you realize that there are plenty of other women out there and you can find one who is better.

The ironic thing about your situation is that the very thing you're afraid of doing is what will make you more attractive to her. And I've been in your shoes. It's scary to take that step, grow a pair, and truly stand up with a backbone. You think in your head that doing so will spend the end for sure because you're "being mean". But it's quite the opposite. It establishes boundaries and lets her know you're not a doormat.

THAT will make you extremely attractive to anyone.

But this woman is nothing but future heartache for you and a future divorce at best.

Your age is part of your problem. You don't know different and have a fear of being alone.

Being alone and being comfortable being alone is the first step you need to take for yourself to have a healthy relationship with anyone.

This is because when you realize that being alone isn't that bad, you will not tolerate being with someone like your current girlfriend.

Spending a few hours alone on my XBox playing games with my buddies online is infinately better than worrying about my girlfriend being on the receiving end of a gang bang with the boyfriend she's screwing and telling you about.

I simply can't understand why you would tolerate this for more than one second.

Seriously, the next time she says she's going to JO, tell her that she can forget about coming home and she can pick her stuff up in trash bags from the front door.

I'll bet you a million she won't do it because you fail to realize that she NEEDS you and that you have the power, not her.

And you're also rationalizing her other traits about her "intelligence", etc.

Sorry, but finishing HS isn't very hard and her lack of ability to do it shows not that she's dumb, but that she's undisciplined.

She's a recipe for future disaster. Count your blessings and kick this woman to the curb.

This is advice coming from a man who dated several women like your current girlfriend. I was attracted to women like her for a long time before I woke up.

So please wake up, grow a pair, and watch in amazement as she respects you for showing some testosterone.

I'll be honest and I don't recall her exact words - we were both pretty tired. I may have misquoted.

pmdbd3, thank you for relating. Not that I don't respect everyone else here, but hearing stories of people who went through nearly identical scenarios helps me know I'm not alone. Knowing that you and the others who can relate to this scenario got through it and followed the same advice offered here, and are better off as an end result inspires me to do what I know is the right thing.

You're all right; I took a step in the right direction by putting my foot down and telling her all the things I feel, and I need to continue keeping that foot firmly planted. It's always easier said than done though.

Not when you KNOW that your better judgement is being overridden!! Yes, it is very f---ing stupid!

Making excuses for her and yourself again!

Grow a pair!

Amen to every single thing pmdbd3 said!

And yes, like you and he, I was in the same boat, hooked on a WW because of her "hotness." If you are like me, all she has to do is show you some affection, kind word, smile, SF etc. and you come wagging like a good little doggie with your wallet open and your brain disengaged.

I did, and the bahaviour went on and on and on and on......

When I manned up like pomdbd3 said he did, I not only got back my self respect, but gained hers as well. Doesn't mean everything is fixed; for me it's not, but at least I can look at myself in the mirror.

And he is right, and I believe I gave you the same opinion earlier, she ain't gonna leave you to go to JO's when you drop the bomb that her stuff will be outdoors when she gets home. She'll get mad, whine, mope etc. but she prob won't go.

She'll prob soon start making excuses as to why she needs to "run over to JO's for a second, or get her guitar lesson, or drop off something, or why she had to stop off real quick at JO's but it's nothing." It's her drug, and she won't give it up easy. You've got a long road ahead, even if you do lay down the law.

If she does the surprising thing and says, "fine, throw out my stuff! No one is going to dictate to me what I do!"

Throw it out and never let her back in. Would be the best thing for you in my opinion. I know you said you feel bad because JO's is so crowded. Oops. Too Bad. Not your problem.

I am still horrified that she told you JO was "taking care of her down there" while his other friends "were playing with her top parts."

No one deserves to have someone nonchalantly tell them that with a smile on their face and no remorse in their heart.

While I agree with all the statements here, I don't think he can threaten to put her stuff outside if she goes to JOs. I believe he said that she is on the lease as well, so he has no right to evict her.

In this situation, I think your best option is to simply stop interacting with her altogether. Split the household bills right down the center, label your food in the fridge, stop calling/texting her, treat her as nothing more than someone who happens to share an apartment with you, and find out what you have to do to get your name off the lease. Then move out, without telling her where, and block her cell number and email address.

That's correct.


If either of us moves out, it'll have to be her. I can afford the place by myself; she *definitely* can't. Additionally, most of the big items (furniture, etc.) are mine and I'm almost entirely unpacked whereas she's not, so it's much easier to get her things out than mine.

I want to be clear about one thing: You haven't set your foot down.

Talk is cheap. Actions are all that matter.

Why?

Because you can say "I don't like you doing this and going to JO and screwing him and then coming back to me" all you want, but it doesn't matter if her response is, "Ok. Well I'm heading over there. What are you going to do about it?"

Your response?

Well, that's it then. I'm going to sit here and be mad while you're screwing him and getting music lessons afterwards! And when you get home, you'll know that I was really hurt!

Seriously, man up. Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words and the greatest realization you can have is that you hold all the cards.

But the reality is that you need to let this woman go because you are simply going to be ex husband number one in a list of ex husbands she's going to have.

Plenty of good women out there. Trust me on that one.

I just met one recently who has treated me as I should be treated.

And it is really nice to be treated well by a woman.

She had a message on my cell asking me to let her know when I would leave work so she could put the food in the over and have it ready for when I got to her place.

I've never had a woman do that for me.

I'm use to, "Hey, grab some Taco Bell on your way home" (for the 5th time that week).

So it's refreshing to have someone treat you well.

That's the kind of thing you should want. You should want a woman who values you and not one that you think you're lucky to have because she's hot.

Believe me, I'll take being treated well over hotness any day. Beauty fades. Dumb is forever.

We used to be like that. On her days off (she used to work evenings so I had dinner long before she was home), she'd cook something up and have it ready within half an hour of me getting home. She's done it a few times since everything has happened too.

With regards to last night, she went over there for her guitar lesson and JO was still gone. He showed up for about 10 minutes, and he walked right passed her with nothing but a simple hello. The guy she's getting guitar lessons from went up to talk to him - apparently JO is getting kicked out of the bedroom and out onto the couch because he isn't contributing as much to the household bills. He made a lot of noise, throwing things around, etc., generally being violent and upset (what a winner), then came downstairs and just stormed out of the house again.

And you know all this from the cheating GF???

Yes. But in her defense, she's been brutally honest about everything thus far, and she doesn't really have a reason to lie. The damage is already done.

I agree. This is what SHE'S telling you. It could be true. But, there's an old saying you see on these boards here. If a WW/WH lips are moving, their lying.

Obviously, the damage isn't already done. You two are still together. She thought she had you on such a string that she could tell you that she was screwing other guys. Obviously, you can't handle that well enough. She doesn't want to get kicked out on the street, so she better downplay her interaction with JO from now on. The best lies have an element of the truth.

Or, since she's also on the lease. She probably doesn't want to find a way out of the lease and leave her hold the bag.

Ewww....!

IN HER DEFENSE?

IN HER DEFENSE???

You would defend a deranged slag who thinks nothing of being gang banged by a bunch of losers, walks around full of their population paste then comes home to you, her "boyfriend" and tells you all about it?

Then she lets you have sloppy seconds too if she's feeling generous?

And you defend her?

Seriously boy, when you first came here I felt compassion for you but you have just about lost all my respect. No wonder you're being humiliated and degraded by this "woman".

Get the f*** rid of her NOW!

I think you have this backwards for exactly the reasons you stated. You made a case why, realistically, she will not want to leave. And since you can't force her, it will have to be you that leaves. Not being able to afford the apartment afterwards is not your problem. Stop trying to protect her from the consequences of her bad choices.

You really don't get it.

She is lying. Part of the genius of these women is that they are good at it. They tell you stuff you want to hear.

You believe it because you want to believe it and the message is delivered with batting eyes.

You cannot and should not tolerate her going there for anything at all.

She can get guitar lessons at other places.

But the reality is that you should kick her to the curb. You really don't understand that you are going to have much worse heartache down the road.

I would personally vomit at the idea of doing anything to this woman in a sexual manner. You should feel disgusted and repulsed after what she's done.

But if sloppy seconds is your thing.....

For heaven's sake, man, please grow a pair and quit believing what this woman is saying.

Trust us. We speak from experience and not from some naive sense of things.

We've seen tons of women like her. We've lived with or married women like her.

It's nothing but a recipe for future pain for you and God help any kids you may have with a woman like this.

She's sick in the head and will never get better without serious therapy.

You're sick in the head for thinking this is ok behavior and sitting there and accepting it and being such a doormat.

Grow a backbone and watch as she reacts to strength.

Otherwise she'll keep telling you about her music lessons which are nothing but a cover to go over there and get her fix.

You should not be with this woman.

There's MANY out there. Please stop taking this abuse.

This woman is only 23. She's doing what every other person her age is doing. You're not married and you don't have kids. Just let her go! Why do you insist on trying to control and change her?