Just want to share my day here to get it out of my chest. My husband and I stayed up late last night talking about random stuff.
Every morning, I get waken up by our son at about same time. My husband usually wakes up way after us which I usually don't have a problem with. But today was not one of those days. His finals are coming up so he is not require to go to school until hetakes the final exam for this semester. He slept in.I woke up, fed our son, change his diaper and clean the house. Came around 11, he was still not awake. So I yelled from downstairs hoping he'll wake up. Nothing. Came around noon, I heard him getting up. But instead of going down stairs to join us, he dragged himself to the shower and take his sweet ole time getting ready.

Meanwhile,I was finishing feeding our son. After he was done eating, I went and re-pour his plastic bowl with more cerial and banana but this time, I put lots of milk. I went upstairs to tell him to hurry up. I was pretty pissed at this time beause he also left dirty dishes in the sink last night. I griped and told him how I was annoyed that he slept in so late and went straight to the shower instead of going downstair to join us. He was in the shower. I can hear him rambling and saying all kinds of sarcastic things--how he think he was entitled to sleep in that late since he is doing finals and it's my job to take care of our son anyway.

He was basically was not being very nice and appreciative and instead was yelling at me and trying to justify things.I hate it when he yells....See, I am only 5'0 tall 95 lbs. And he is 6'0 190 lbs. When he yells, he is soo much louder bigger and scarier. I absolutely hate it when he raises his voice. And his comments got me mad. After standing there hearing him, I wanted to say something back but could not think of something good to get my revenge. Then,I remember my ex-boyfriend who used to dump ICE COLD water in me while I am in the shower if he wanted to get back at me. So I thought of it. I filled a full glass of ICE FREEZING cold water, take a peak inside the shower curtain to get a perfect aim to make sure that the cold water hits him. So I got on top of the toilet bowl and BAM!.. I dumped ICE COLD WATER on him while he is in the shower. He then yelled, "****EDIT****!" really loud..I couldn't help it but to laugh a little silently and told him it was a joke. Of course he was mad. He is a grumpy person in the morning.
I ran out of the bathroom and told him it was a joke and told him to stop saying mean sarcastic things. He continued babbling with all kinds of means thing to say..I could hear him from outside the bathroom. I was going to apologize but he was not being nice and was mad and was still being mean. Well, as I was standing in the hallway with the bowl of cerial. I thought to myself, "I am going to go and apologize but if he continue to say more mean things, I am going to serve him breakfast in the shower". Sure enough, he stepped out of the shower all wet and naked, yelling loudly and was being being foul eventhough I was trying to be nice.I took the spoon out of my cerial and SPLASH! Serve him his breakfast. He looked so clean and fresh out of the shower and that bowl of cerial and milk made him look even fresher. As soon as I did this, I ran for my life trying to hide for cover. Of course he caught me. He picked up a brand new roll of paper towel and throw it at me as fast as he could. He got me on the back. He also folded the towel and throw it at me but he missed! ha!
After this, he went to get dress and I went downstairs to be with my son and finish cleaning the house. We didn't speak for
2 hours. The house was silent. Two hours later, he suggested we should go together and pay the rent. I said sure.But as we were getting ready, he said the wrong thing again. I told him I didn't want to go anymore. He went without me. But 30 mins later he came back and THIS time he was nice.

See, my husband has this illusion that the house and taking care of our son is mainly MY job. And that his job is to study to make sure he gets good grade etc... Well, that's fine with me but if he sleeps in 'till noon AND was not being nice
and appreciate when I talk to him, that gets me going. Everyday, he wakes up no earlier than 10. He scheduled all his classes to begin in the afternoon and end at night. Sometimes he wakes up with my son but that's rare -like when I am sick or something. And when he does this, I feel like he had just given me a diamond ring. I am very appreciative. Most of the time, he sleeps in and when he wakes up, he goes straight to shower, eat his breakfast, study some and head to school. I do everything in the morning. He talks about me "camping out" and what not. He told me the other night that sometimes he feels like I am camping out because he thinks I should be more hyper active and doing things to distract myself through this hard times...From what I can see, it seems to me that it's HIM who's camping out. I feel like I have this college student who comes and go and I am the landlady in the house who complain if he doesn't pay his rent on time. Our son is 95% MY responsiblity.I couldn't remember the last time he took the innitiave to make him dinner, bath him or make his lunch. I either have to ASK him to do it or I'd do it myself. Laundry and dishes pile up too if I don't do anything about it.
Tonight, he got tired of studying and wanted a break. So he went and played video game. I was in the same room with him
with our son just watching him play. It's cold outside and it was night time so there was not much to do. I played with our son for a little bit but after a while, I asked him to stop playing and spend time with us. He did stop and took us for a drive.Can anyone please suggest some ideas and insight on how to deal with this situation? My husband is extremely SO focus on ABOUT HIM. SINCE we moved here from CA, it's all about HIM. I get to support HIM, praise him, AND let him do whatever he pleases. I think it's unfair that the first three years of our son's life, he is not hardly there for us. If I would have known it'd be like this, I would have think twice before agreeing to come here and be broke for three years with a husband who is too busy, and not there for us. We don't even connect anymore. It's almost a month since we had sex. I don't think I am bad looking at all. I work out a lot. Granted that I could do without sex, I still think it's part of the marriage. But neither one of us wants to inniate. (Wait, I used to take innitiave all the time
but I got tired of trying) SO here we go.. living like roomates.

We are okay with each other again but I am just tired of this. When we communicate, we end up insulting, each other and saying all kinds of mean things. Both are very stubborn to back down. Believe it or not, I have threaten my husband divorce SOOO many times that now he just laugh when I say it.... I am inclined to blame this whole thing on law school. I hate the fact that he's in law school. Once he becomes a lawyer this is not going to change either--he'll be busier!
I miss being single sometimes. Is there such thing as good marriage nowdays or such thing does not exist. I know I have a lot of self improvement to do too but at same time, I can't seem to find a way where to begin. Please give me your honest opinion.

Addition: Anyone else out there acting like a bunch of child like this? My husband and I fight like a bunch of kids!. I remember him taking my computer away from me, hiding my purse and the car key, and spooked me while I was crying by yelling really loud..."BO!"..That startled me. I feel like we're a bunch of teenagers who are out to tear each other's throat!
Also, I don't like it when ask me to kiss him even if I am still mad. Grrr....Thanks for reading this. Feel better to get this out.

YOU are going to have to be the one to change. And the reason is because YOU are the one posting here.

Spend some time deciding if you want to be married to an attorney. You are exactly right on the hours they spend working. It doesn't leave much time for family things.

My sis is an attorney and spent YEARS studying and sacrificing. She had no life. Now she spends hours and hours working, especially right before a big case goes to court. When I visited her on vacation, she worked every night until 2:00 in the morning and then got up and went back to work at 8:00AM.

On the upside, she makes good money, loves her job, has a horse ranch, drives nice cars, takes wonderful vacations and has a very nice lifestyle.

What do you get out of pushing your h's buttons? Why do you like revenge? Have your read the love buster stuff? What can you do so you don't fell resentful of your husband?

Why do you have video games if you are so strapped?

Why don't you share your expectations of your husband? What would have happened, if you would have talked to him yesterday and said "Hon, You don't have class tomorrow, right. Would you mind waking up at 10 and letting me have an hour or two to work on my photography business?"

And yes, I have been childish when fighting with my husband. It's for several reasons (childhood issues, not learning to communicate, etc.). We don't do that anymore. Don't get me wrong, we still have communication issues, but I don't try to get revenge when I don't like his behavior/thoughts/feelings, what have you.

Tell him this. All of it. A better marriage starts with honesty and openness.

OH MY GOD!!! I haven' had a chance to read everyone's reply but am going to after this.

I just want to add that the jerk did something so horrible AGAIN!!

This morning, he got up to mix our son's formula. He got up earlier cause he went to school to study. Well, he's always talk about how we should completely switch our son to cow's milk because it's cheaper than soy. Our son is lactose intolerant and would have projectile vomiting when he drinks cow's milk. He always have this problem since was born. He got it from me.

If it wasn't for the fact that I have veto his idea, he would be giving him cow milk. Well, today he thought it would be a good idea to mix his formula with half cow's milk and half soy. Well, few minutes later our son started fussing, pointing to his tummy and BOOM! Had a projectile vomiting. Milk was shooting out of his mouth and nose!!!! ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!! I AM SO MAD! I have told him billions times that NO, we cannot switch him to cow's milk!! Goes to show that thi guy is completely have no idea what's going here and with our son!

It was nice that he mix the formula but the jerk had to experiement with it. Now I am over here cleaning up the floor (the blue carpet is a mess) and dealing with our son being fussy. He keeps sneezing cause he's got stuff on his nose! Grrrr. I called him and he said he was sorry. I told him that maybe he should be more around to get some idea what's going on.

This just pissed me off. And the jerk had the audacity to say I LOVE YOU and expected me to say it back in the middle of me fuming over this!! WTF!!!

I just want to thanks everyone for all your kind and helpful responses. Thanks for being specific and details with your suggestion.

I let DH read what I posted here. Due to him making me mad about the whole milk issues, he's trying to make up for it so he ask if he could read the stuff I wrote here. I let him.

After reading it, I guess he realized something because after that he made dinner.

Thanks again. You guys are the best!

I'm glad he's being more helpful, but honestly? Why should he? Your posts are so full of Love Busters I'm surprised he's even talking to you. If I were him, I'd be asking YOU to apologize.

How old are you?

Have you read about Love Busters? We recommend to everyone who wants to improve their marriage to start by learning what they do to Love Bust their spouse. You're unlikely to get him to want to pitch in for long, if you don't start treating him with more respect.

If you don't like what he does, TALK to him! Throwing food on him? That's not a marriage.

Oh I know... throwing food at him WAS BAD!!! I recognize this. And yes, I have apologize to him already. Right after the two hours silent treatment in our house. He accepted my apology and he also said he was sorry.

I have HUGE problem with my husband being busy with his school and him not helping enough around the house. And yes, I have TALKED TO him in a civilize calm manner for months but he doesn't seem to get it. After awhile of doing things on your own by yourself (around the house, cooking, raising a toddler) it can get to you after a while.

To tap that off, WE ARE BROKE. Our life didn't use to be like this. Back before he decided to go to law school, we were both making GREAT money in CA. High 6 figures salary was a combination of our income. So from that lifestyle (being able to buy pretty much anything) to living off 8K for 6 months is a huge ADJUSTMENT for us to make.

STRESS, STRESS, STRESS, is in our house! Also, I think I miss the "old" us. More fun, more time, more passion, more love making(eventhough I don't care for it as much but it's good for marriage I guess)....

Thanks for the input. I appreciate the honesty. Keep them coming!

Oh yea..am 28. It says on my siggy.. :-)

My recommendation is to take an organized approach to your marriage. By that I mean, sit down and analyze it. See where the weak points are. Make plans on how to strengthen those weak points.

Money: You're staying at home? Bring in a couple of neighborhood kids to watch. You work outside the house? Doing what? Can you segue that talent into something on the side? I'm a writer, and I take on writing projects from websites devoted to hooking up writers, artists, etc. with people who need something done. I just got paid $500 to write a short screenplay. Do you have extra stuff you need to get rid of? Sign up on eBay. Be creative. Let your kid help you make Christmas presents this year. People will understand.

Busy? I really think that you need to give him leeway while he's studying law. It's not like a music degree or a sports degree, where you can just turn it on or off; law is completely mental and concentration. What you can do is make up a list of things that have to be done around the house, and when they can be done. Ask him to pick out 3 or 4 things that he can do to help you that don't take much time, but make you feel like he's helping. Taking out trash doesn't take long. Picking up newspapers from the yard or getting the mail doesn't take long. Taking folded towels to the closets doesn't take long. Let him pick out some symbolic things that will lessen your resentment. After he graduates, you can renegotiate.

House getting to you? Find a Mothers Day Out at a local church. Hire a local girl to babysit once a week. Come up with or find a co-op babysitting group (take turns watching kids so each one gets time off). Be creative.

Stress? Organize your time better. Sit down with H and figure out exactly what his schedule is going to be. Schedule out what else has to be done each week. Find the best way to accomplish everything in the least amount of time. www.flylady.net is a wonderful resource for getting in charge of your life. Determine what you can go without doing. Do you have to wash clothes after each use? I don't. I wear my pants at least twice before washing, unless they get dirty. Do you really have to make 2 trips a week to the grocery store? Why not keep a running list of what you need and do it all in one trip each week. What else can you eliminate from your weekly schedule, do less frequently? With that time you gain, schedule in at least one weekly event for you and your H to do together, even if it's just a walk around the block. You have GOT to get that time back in, or you won't have a marriage to work on. MB recommends 15 hours a week, but given his school, I think 5 hours a week would be a great goal for you. Take baths together. Clip coupons sitting in a lawn chair while he pulls weeds so you can talk. Help him print out his schoolwork. Go to the library with him; you can talk on the way, and take the kids to the kids section once you get there. Be creative.

Learn how to clean smarter. Do you know the trick of cleaning each room at a time and bringing a basket with you? Put everything that doesn't belong in that room in the basket, then clean the room. Move on to the next; do the same. Eventually, all the stuff is put away, but you've eliminated a couple dozen trips around the house to put things away. Another great tip is to use a timer. Clean this room for ten minutes; when the timer goes off, pick up and clean the next room for ten minutes; when the timer goes off... You'll be amazed how much quicker it is to clean that way.

as a stay at home parent I can feel your pain.

There are days when I feel like I'm divorced with three kids and I wonder if my wife would really sit in the recliner and starve to death waiting for someone to fix dinner.

seriously though, take all of the advice already given and be strong. then pick a date about 2-3 months from now, a weekend day. Let your husband know that on this day you will be taking the day off and will not be a parent, wife, cook, maid, or chaufeur. Leave the house and get a lunch and catch a movie, then go wander the mall or Target. Take the WHOLE DAY for yourself. you'll feel a little guilt about whether the kids are eating a good lunch or taking thier naps at the right time, but more than likely your husband will feed them and realize at somepoint that they need to rest.

Your husband will learn a little gratitude for half of what you go thru on a regular daily basis. and it will do wonders for you and your relationship