My H and I decided that we should seperate for a week while he took some time to find out what is going on with him. Well he left yesterday and I really needed a friend and tried to call him last night. No answer...I wasn't too worried. I thought he was just asleep. <BR>Well this morning his work called me to see if he was here. I told them no and proceeded to call him at his mom's thinking that he over slept. Still no answer. So I went over and found out his car wasn't there.<BR>Went home called work again...still no H.<BR>So a friend and I went up there and went in the house and found out that he had not slept there. I found his ring sitting on the entertainment center and so I decided to call work again...his boss says he will be in about an hour from then...then told me he did the line haul. I said then why did work call here looking for him?? anyway got a hold of OW's number and called and asked if he had left yet. She was going on and on about how she hadn't seen him. Then I saw him pull up. He came in I said she told me everything and was it worth it. And he said probably not. Caught again!<BR>I freaked out...love busted big time, hit him, you name it. I was so hurt. I left and told him I was filing for divorce. <BR>He doesn't seem like he cares...he is sitting there almost in tears saying he doesn't know what he wants and that he can't tell me he wants me to file for divorce. I don't want to...<BR>I love him and don't want to lose him, I just don't know what to do now. Should I file or just keep the seperation up? I hate what this is doing to us. I wish he could figure out what he wants and decide. I know I am being so hard on him...<BR>I just don't know...<BR><P>------------------<BR>Jaded Heart<BR>____________<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>and if I shed a tear I won't cage it<BR>I won't fear love<BR>and if I feel a rage I won't deny it<BR>I won't fear love<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>"Fumbling Towards Ecstasy"<BR>Sarah Mclachlan<P><BR>

Maybe I am wrong, but I dont think you are being hard on him..YOU ARE BEING HARD ON YOU!<P>will he agree to couneling? Are you in counseling?<P>Maybe a Plan B- no contact. JMHO.<BR>Alos, check out <A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com." TARGET=_blank>www.divorcebusting.com.</A> try that for more advice.

Tried counceling and the councelor talked about divorce and seperation. I don't think it helped us at all. The counseling is the reason we ended up seperated.<P>I am going to find a different counselor for me and I am hoping that H will take it on himself to find one for him.<P>I am being hard on me and I just realized how hard I am being on myself. I shouldn't have to say sorry. I didn't choose this.<P>I may have to go to plan B will read up on it. I am just afraid that he will continue to see and contact OW and it will cloud his judgement. He says he still loves me and that some part of him wants to be with me...<P>I guess I will have to wait and see.

You are not being too hard on him, you are being too hard on yourself. He can't expect you to sit around and pretend that nothing is going on while he is trying to make up his mind. My H is doing the same thing, and the longer we are seperated the more I wonder if it will be fixed. My advice to you is to work on you. Fill your time with a hobby, friends, etc. If nothing else it will help take your mind off of things for a second or two.

Oh Honey! It put me in tears to read your post. I am so sorry, but at least you found out where you really stand. I cannot believe he did this again. I really thought he was going to try. You ARE NOT BEING TOO HARD ON HIM, but you are being too hard on yourself. Maybe Plan B is where you need to go for now. No contact at all. Maybe this way he will see what he had. You know the old saying, "You don't know what you've got til it's gone." It's true. Love ya sweetie. E-mail me if you want.

Thanks for the posts Viki and hurtone. <BR>I still find myself trying to get him to think. I know I will never succeed. I saw him tonight and he asked me to just give him time. He promised again that he wouldn't talk to her. After he said he didn't know if he could do it.<P>I feel like I am trying so hard and getting no results. I think it is definitely time for plan B

I just finished reading about "Plan B". All of this is so new to me. My husband has been dealing w/ the reality of my affair for about a month. I would most CERTAINLY advise you to take Plan B. <P>Insanity is defined as repeating the same behavior over and over again expecting different results. <P>Remember that YOU cannot control what he does but you can control yourself. Take care of yourself right now. He will have to make his own decisions. I know that sounds so simple but is so painful. It's a nightmare to have to go through what you are going through. <P>Read through that Plan B section. It makes things so clear. You deserve better.<P>Keep me posted.

Jaded....<P>I'm so sorry that your H did this again. I can imagine how much you are hurting right now. Do Plan B ONLY if you are ready for it. But, like everyone else advises, please do something for yourself...hobbies, hanging out w/friends & family, reading, etc. Hang in there & take care....

Thanks AnnR and No Trust.<P>I guess I am kind of shoved into plan B like it or not. He is already gone and I don't see him coming home anytime soon. He is at a place where he says he has no clue what he wants at all. He said it has nothing to do with her, but I keep reminding him that he cannot give us a chance as long as he is talking to or seeing her. He doesn't seem to understand that it will affect his thinking.<P>

I am really sorry that it has come to this. Just klike everyone else here I know what you are going through and my heart hurts for you. I think when they get to this point no amount of talking will do any good. They don't listen not to us anyway. Do plan B and hopefully the reality of what he has done will sink in, bu it may take awhile. They have to leave that fantasy land first and face what life is really like. I think plan B will help. Just wanted to show my support for you. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

I am really sorry that it has come to this. Just klike everyone else here I know what you are going through and my heart hurts for you. I think when they get to this point no amount of talking will do any good. They don't listen not to us anyway. Do plan B and hopefully the reality of what he has done will sink in, bu it may take awhile. They have to leave that fantasy land first and face what life is really like. I think plan B will help. Just wanted to show my support for you. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

I am really sorry that it has come to this. Just klike everyone else here I know what you are going through and my heart hurts for you. I think when they get to this point no amount of talking will do any good. They don't listen not to us anyway. Do plan B and hopefully the reality of what he has done will sink in, bu it may take awhile. They have to leave that fantasy land first and face what life is really like. I think plan B will help. Just wanted to show my support for you. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

I am really sorry that it has come to this. Just klike everyone else here I know what you are going through and my heart hurts for you. I think when they get to this point no amount of talking will do any good. They don't listen not to us anyway. Do plan B and hopefully the reality of what he has done will sink in, bu it may take awhile. They have to leave that fantasy land first and face what life is really like. I think plan B will help. Just wanted to show my support for you. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

I am really sorry that it has come to this. Just klike everyone else here I know what you are going through and my heart hurts for you. I think when they get to this point no amount of talking will do any good. They don't listen not to us anyway. Do plan B and hopefully the reality of what he has done will sink in, bu it may take awhile. They have to leave that fantasy land first and face what life is really like. I think plan B will help. Just wanted to show my support for you. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Thanks Di for the post.<P>I am getting ready to write my plan B letter. We have decided that he will see the kids tuesday and thursday evening and will come stay the weekend with them every other weekend. (I will stay with a friend) So now I play the waiting game. I will pray he will make a decision before I lose all hope...