If you want to move on, nobody here will fault you for it at all, especially considering her history of cheating and moving on.

That said, it is generally a good idea NOT to make any major decisions for 6 months to a year after a major life changing event (infidelity, death, major health problem, etc.) Your feelings will swing wildly. One day you'll be sure you're done and the next you'll be sure she's going to change.

Well there's been two months of that already. I left the possibility open to her. If she can't hold onto the OM, she will be financially out of luck. So if she were to come back, would it be for the right reasons???? How would I ever know for sure?

You would know by her remorse, her willingness to be transparent, and her desire to meet your ENs.

Well the holiday period is nearly over. It has been an up and down battle. She feels like she is under a microscope and it's because she is. I caught two text messages from the OM while he was on vacation with his family in the Bahamas and we talked for three hours about the NC requirement. She knows she hasn't done much of anything to put a stop or even discourage it.

I told her I was going to find my own place and then she started flapping a bit, and of course she got defensive and said I couldn't take stuff from the house to furnish my place and then move back in (if things work out) and how she was scared I'd blab to everyone about the A, and that she was basically stuck with me. Hardly heart warming stuff. She is very interested in what my plans are, but not likely for the reasons I want her to be interested.

We had a good couple of days after that talk (christmas eve and christmas day) and then it was very cool. We were polite and courteous, but zero affection. She gets very defensive when I give her any sign that I'm disappointed in any gesture or comment. I know she is feeling incredible pressure from the exposure to the OMW and our friends, but if this process that I've seen talked about here (plan A and B) is the best bet, it's going to be a painfully slow process. This cake eating behaviour is tough to sit and watch and she will barely talk to me about the A, let alone anyone else.

Plan B is ready to go.

Dude, you're not officially married to this woman and you're pretty young.

She's a repeat cheater.

Cheated on first husband, and then cheated on you.

You've never exchanged vows.

You're with a woman who has a problem keeping her legs closed to other men.

Why, why, why do you believe you deserve this where there's tons of good women out there?

Seriously, a repeat cheater isn't worth it. She could be Miss Universe and wouldn't be worth it.

I'd rather date an average looking, but faithful and God fearing woman with morals and who values vows, than a gorgeous woman who has a history of cheating and that I'd wonder about all the time.

Have some pride. You're not officially married. Expose and walk away and find someone worth it.