Hi Queenie,

I just wanted to drop a line.

Many years ago I read a little book by Leo Rosten called "The jOYs of Yiddish". Turns out that none of my Jewish friends in Cape Town bother to speak it.

I may be Goyem but my Yiddish is gefilte!

Can I practice on you?

Hi Imagine,

Go right ahead.

My mother didn't speak Hebrew, but she was fluent in Yiddish. Didn't teach me anything but schmuck...

I actually have that book. It's very good.

Fire away dude....

Gosh! How did that get through censorship? What if someone were to use the word "Putz"? Ooops

(Tried to insert the shocked icon. No go!)

Queenie,

We all have to take our own time at this. Luna is struggling too, but all three of us will have our own timeframes and will do it (whatever 'it' is) when we are ready. Some just take longer than others. It's OK. You are doing great under the circumstances.

Much love to you Queenie.....

Queenie, I have a GREAT story for you!

My son, Nate, was this little, precious blonde-haired blue-eyed boy. In second kindergarten through second grade, his math teacher was Mrs. Halprin. (Mrs. Halprin's husband had been my allergist for years - until his health caused him to quit practicing....but I loved Dr Halprin and always felt better when I left his office because I believed he cared. His wife was just as wonderful as was he.) Anyway, Mrs. Halprin thought Nate was special and he liked her, too. One of his best academic areas is math.

So, one day, Mrs H explains something and tells the math group to get to work. Knowing that Nate understood, she said, "If you have any problems, ask Nate the Great to help you." All 6 or 7 children in the group jump on him like ducks on a junebug. And, out of the middle of this group of students, she hears Nate's little voice when he said, "Oy vey!!"

:twobyfour:

Hi, Queenie:

Don't think you're a martyr, don't think you're living in a fantasy world, etc. DO think you're strong, and moving forward.

I had to file D within 5 months of DDay, just prior to going to Plan B, because if I didn't, he would, and I couldn't have him controlling the process - among other things, I have a business on the line, and the other issue is that I wanted the latitude to speed up, slow down, etc. So I wrote PBL after D. I didn't expect him to worry about any of that - why I was writing PBL after filing, what I really intended. I was writing for the future moment - if it ever came - when he would get a clue - and I was writing to set boundaries up so I could heal.

Maybe because I'm doing D&B simo, I've had to think about the "meaning" of all this. (I'm a big one for meaning. If I can't see it, I'll make it up. Works for me.) The meaning of the D for me is that it is a legal mechanics issue, designed to protect me and my finances. It has nothing to do with my commitment to H or to the marriage. I told WH that, even as I filed. The meaning of B is to get me to a safe space, start carving out my own life apart from B - oh, and yes, hold onto the hope that WH will snap out of it.

The meaning of the D for WH is his get out of legal constraints on his A license. The meaning of B is to be a pain in the butt (with regard to IM), to punish him, and to manipulate him.

So, basically, here we have two people in totally different places, perceiving things completely differently. Both at the same time. I don't live with just one of these perceptions; I live with both of them. Even when I'm not dealing with him, I sure have him in my head. What I have to do is choose which one I'm going to give the majority of my energy and time to. Which one am I going to act on. What do I choose to DO?

So, I have a thought for you. I don't see anything wrong with both holding on and letting go at the same time. If that sounds hopelessly contradictory, I'd argue back that it seems so only if people buy into "either/or" positions - which I, personally, have observed just don't work for much of the universe. I think acknowledging that this is how you feel is being really honest. What it boils down to is what you choose to do. DO. What you feel is real, too, but it isn't DOING. It is a choice, but it's not an action. And you know, Miss MOT, that it is the actions that count. Sooo....

I think you can actively rediscover yourself as in individual while still loving your H (not the WH).

I think you can actively build a life for yourself while still loving your H.

I think you can let go of dependencies, do things for yourself, teach yourself how to create pleasure with yourself or with friends - all while still loving your H.

I think you can embrace the need to become your own woman while still hoping for an eventual reconciliation.

What you must not DO is pine your life away, deny yourself the discovery of your own potential to make it on your own, hold back pleasure, be risk averse, or live in the past.

There's a difference.

To me, you seem to be in firmly set in the process of DOING (re)discovery, not living in the past.

Just my two cents.

- M

****edit****

PLease address any questions about an edit to the mod via email - not on the forum.

Thankyou

Dufresne

Dang My, I go out for an evening to have fun and take care of myself and I come back and you have been edited out. Wouldn't you know it. LOL

Dude, you have no idea how much I appreciate your candid honesty. I might not be able to act on what you are saying or truly "internalize" your point, but I KNOW it's going in LOUD and CLEAR. Thanks sir.. And I don't mean that flippantly.

Today, the mother of the 17 year old who died last February came into school today to bring a present to a teacher who her son adored. I was stunned by how awful and sad she looked. I watched her, truly watched, her the hesitancy to move within life, the sadness and devastastion of the loss and I realized that I was looking at myself ONCE UPON a TIME.

I am NO LONGER that destroyed, pitiful, anniliated, pathetic person who couldn't even think of which paper to use. I am ALIVE, I have HOPE for MY FUTURE. I have created a LIFE by myself that includes a whole new group of friends, some old friends, and especially my children. G-d leads me daily in my walk in life.

But most importantly, yes I will probably always hold hope that WH would have come home, but I don't live or die because of it. I am stronger than before, I have my sick, sordid, inventive sense of humor back. I am multi multi tasking at school. And yet I remember I am an alcoholic who has a disease that has to be maintained on a daily basis and I live my life to please my G-d so I don't EVER go back to HER.

I am discovering who QUEENIE is.... and WHAT QUEENIE wants for HERSELF.... And you know what I am actually kind of amazing....

Yes, I said it. I'm genuine, kind, caring, loving, passionate, intelligent, adventurous, street smart, old fashioned, naive, worldy, sports minded, can make almost anyone feel comfortable upon meeting me, enjoyed bringing joy to others but above all else, I can face G-d and say thank you.

Cinders, does your son wear earings? I have the most awesome set of earings that say Oy Vey!!!

Thank you Chai and Imagine for your support. Hey Luna, where have you been girl. I need to pop over to your thread and check ya out.

Miriam, Miss MOT, you are very wise and help to put things into a little clearer perspective for me. I'm glad i am getting to know you better. You got some brains up on top woman. Thank you.

Now a little update on my day. Looks like the PNW is about to get dumped on with more snow, which is awesome and gorgeous, but the roads have about two inches of solid ice on them. Don't do ice, not on these hills, so I probably get to make another morning phone call to staff and brighten up their day.

So, since we are all becoming closer friends, I should tell you a little hysterical story. In fact it may give some of you hope that I really am a person capable of enjoying her life without the monster. I have an awesome voice, and yes, I have a dirty mind :RollieEyes: Many years ago, when we were horribly broke a friend of mine recommended that I get a 900 number for yes, you can guess what to make money. He who is 400 lbs and a sailor told me that I could make him blush.... Anyways, being the dutiful, entreprenuer wife that I was, excitedly went home to share my business venture with H. He told me to pray to G-d for my answer.... The next day I literally woke up with laryngitis, total and complete for 3 weeks.

A few years after that I called up a radio station and the dj in the back commented how I could make a mint on my voice.

I have made two phone calls to staff members these past two days. I am flattered and chuckling to myself on how many compliments I am getting on my voice.... Now that I am alone, I wonder if G-d wouldn't let me get that 900 number now and make me some MONEY.....

JUST KIDDING......

On a more reality note, I found out today that my YS was searched at school for drugs. I am a little surprised that NO ONE called me to get my permission or let me know what was going on. But, this NEW MOM is giving the school a call tomorrow to find out whassup.... :crosseyedcrazy:

Well, if he was clean, he needs to be complimented.

Son does not wear earrings. Daughter does.

You know, I have a friend who told me several years ago about the time when I looked so bad. That surprised me. I didn't know that I looked that bad when I was going through the worst of it. However, it's a wonderful thing to move on from that. I just wish I could get rid of some of the pounds that had fallen of back during the divorce diet.

Queenie, I've been told I should get that same type of phone number. I worked at a call center one time and had a man lose his ability to formulate complete sentences during the course of filing his unemployment insurance claim. Then, I realized (because of his breathing pattern change) what was going on. I asked him, at that point, if he wanted me to get someone else to help him finish his call. I told management about that. It became another reason to transfer a call to someone else.

Queenie,

I'm so glad I took the time to try to catch up with your thread today! It has made my heart SING with JOY!!



I'm faint with JOY!! Yes, yes, yes, you ARE all of these things and more,,,,,,,,,,,Praise God that YOU finally realize it!!

Oh, and to have a silky, velvet voice, too??!!!

You go Girl!!

Good morning,

Isn't it just the best day of all our lives. No special reason accept you have to act like it to believe it.

Anyways, He was clean and nothing was found. I called the school because we are two hours late and now closed and I'm at work anyway... SO, it is the policy of school to just search the kids on a report. And not in their policy to let parents know. Why, I have no clue... Oh wait, it would take up too much time.

So, I have asked that my buddy the principal call me when he comes to work and help me understand this recent turn of excitement.

Hi Bugs,

I still think BS's should write a book on the adventures of A, and make us a whopping MINT on the stories that imagination just can't create and then all rent a ship and take us one heck of a trip. To GODDESS/WARRIOR PARADISE.

Praise G-d that he made me this way and kept working on ME to realize it.

I miss you girl, but dang, you sound good too. I LIMO?? Another date with someone else? Wow, I think single life could be for me.

Queenie!
You are a very WISE and PRUDENT woman!!!
I admire your sense of humor...really!!


OMG How come I have never heard it???
Oh well....one of these days we'll talk.

Hugs...

Angie.

Hi Queenie-

Did you get much snow? Thanks to winds coming from Canada (well, the Frasier River Valley and its awesome wind apparently) we have about 10 inches...and more on the way tonight. Looks like winter break is starting early.

I think I can answer the question about your YS being searched. If there was probable cause, the school administration can search students, their lockers and even their cars on school property without contacting the parents. There is something in state law that gives them the right to do so just like a parent can search a kid's room. But again, there has to be some kind of probable cause. They don't have to tell you they did it if they don't find anything because there won't be any disciplinary action. IF they did find something, you would be called right away.

It could be he was with some kids during lunch or sometime who were suspected of carrying drugs or whatever, and he got called in because of that wonderful "guilt by association". It's a tough call. What did he have to say about it?

Queenie,

You are so awesome. I do believe that both of us are going to come out of this alive and well, thank you very much..... Thanks to this thing called Plan B, we both have been able to get away from the madness and concentrate on ourselves.

Maybe you should look at a job as a DJ rather than the 900 number. Heck, look where it got Ryan Seacrest.

As the mother of an addict, be thankful that the school keeps an eye on that stuff. Had I known about my DD earlier than I did, it may not have gotten this far out of hand.

I was working at the concession stand for one of the football games at son's school. We were selling hot chocolate, among other things. One of the police officers working the game stopped a teenager and demanded to know what he had just put in his pocket. It was a plastic bag with small white things in it......officer thought it was pills....but it was little marshmallows we were giving the hot chocolate customers.

Queenie,just a question...

How did you manage to change the title of your thread? I'm thinking of doing the same...

Hi Queenie! (JT waving from the snow blanketed valley to the north)

Another snow day! 13 inches in my back yard and still snowing.

I'm thinking of you and hope we can get together soon. I'll try to call you tonight.

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinkin of ya'

Hi Queenie! I'm glad to hear that you have found the goddess within you.

You are the best!


I hope that your son is ok and that there won't be any more trouble at school. My immediate thought when I read that the school searches kids without asking the parents is that if they would have to get in touch with the parents, the student or his(her) friends might have time to get rid of the evidences - in case there are any drugs. I do think that they should let you know what has happened though. I hope that you can sort it out with the principal.