Well I am 23 years old and I have been married to the most beautiful wife ever for almost 4 years now. All has been going really good so far in our marriage but we recently had a argument and she told me somethings that I say or do that upset her and I desperately need some help so I can fix what I am doing wrong because I do not want to lose my wife she is everything to me and I Love her with all my heart and I am willing to do whatever it takes for me to be a better husband to her.

So she told me that I am always correcting her when she says something wrong, that I always tell her how to drive when she is driving, how I am telling her to not talk so loud or when she is to quiet I tell her to speak up cause I can't hear her. So basically I belittle everything she says and does and she said that I make her feel like the dumbest person ever. I never noticed that I did any of this but as she explained it to me I began to understand what she was talking about and I felt horrible that I had been treating her like that. I mean she is the sweetest person ever and she works her butt of for us because I am on disability awaiting a liver transplant and I get infections in my liver constantly and I have to be put in the hospital every time it happens so I am in the hospital at least 10-12 times a year for about a week or two at a time. But my wife understands that I can't work and she knew about my condition before she married me and she understood that she would have to work for us and that I couldn't and she just does a wonderful job in supporting us and I do everything I can do for her around the house so when she gets home all she has to do is max and relax. I am also in school studying to be a cook because after I get my transplant I plan to be a chef and hopefully one day open my own restaurant. So as one of the things I do around the house to help my wife cooking is definitely one of them and she loves it, she loves to eat everything I cook and she knows that she can get whatever kind of food she wants and whenever she wants it. But back to my problem..........So basically I need to learn how to not belittle my wife and not correct her every move. I just want my wife to know that she can be herself around me and she doesn't have to worry about me telling her she is doing something wrong and she should do it this way instead of her way. So Please anything you can tell me will help me I just want my wife to be happy when she is around me and not have to worry about me telling her she is doing something wrong or she should do it this way cause this way is better then her way. I just want my wife to be able to express herself and be herself when she is with me.

Thanks and God Bless.

The fact that you've recognised what you're doing and want to change is great, its not easy to change habits of relating to each other but it can certainly be done and lucky you that you find out what you need to do so early on. I was just reading on this site that you should consider complaints to be a roadmap to your wife's heart. What a great way to look at it.

I have been trying to change some of the disrespectful ways I've spoken to my husband over the last 5 years and the hardest thing for me has been recognising it when I do it. He had this habit in the first 5 years or so, managed to stop and then I started doing the same thing back to him without realising, oops. Sometimes I don't notice until later but I'm finding apologising everytime I realise to be a good first step and encouraging my husband to speak up the moment he starts to feel disrespected so I can stop and apologise and get back on track.

It seems your situation is very much like my own. Only opposite. My wife is on disability (3x back surgeries) and I'm the one working. Often times, people are controlling when they don't even realize it. There's probably also some deep guilt that you feel and maybe some resentment your wife feels.
I would suggest that you and your wife sit down and talk (from the heart) about how she's told you about actions, statements, etc. that you do that upset her and how YOU really don't mean to do this and want to change. I believe if she sees that your TRULY want to change these personality traits, you can work this out. My prayers are with you and your wife.