Well here goes I'm new here. I would like to tell my story. My wife of 11 years together for 16 and I have been having troubles for the last few years. I have bounced around from job to job. With the pay getting lower for each job. Have spent as much as seven months on unemployment. While she worked a part time job. I held my last job for almost a year when she decided in August ( I was home sick for a day and a half) that she was going to take one of our 2 kids to her mother's six states away 1200miles.She left spent a night at a friends house and came back the next day. Everything seemed ok after a day or two. A month later she decided she wanted us all to move to her mother's to start over ( so she said ). Well in October we all packed up and headed to her mother's. I asked her many times between sept. and oct. if she was going to kick me out when we got there, she kept telling me no it will be a fresh new start! I believed her and it felt like it when we got there. Then everything hit the fan! Two weeks before Thanksgiving I had to deal with a phone call about some stuff we had sold back home that wasn't getting payed for. After the call I find her in the bedroom crying. I tried to get her to talk but she wouldn't tell me anything. A week later we get a payment for the stuff we sold and I ask her about our vehicle payment. She tells me "You might want to use that money for something else!" I asked what and could see in her face what she was going to tell me. It is over she can't take it anymore! So in other words use the money to go back home or somewhere else. Now to give you a little more background. I spent the first week and a half learning my way around and taking care of the animals while her mother was in the hospital and her stepfather was gone working. As soon as I was able I was out everyday looking for work at least six to eight hours a day. Over the past few years before I went from job to job but made alot more money on some of those jobs than I had ever made before. But I was being somewhat selfish about the spending I was doing and letting her deal with the bills. She had asked a couple of times for me to take over the bills and I did once while I was unemployed. But whle I was working full time Iasked her to take care of them. (I should have listened) I insisted on buying things for myself and her that I knew we couldn't afford she said no to most of them but I got the credit and bought them anyway. Now don't get me wrong I don't blame her for any of this! I know this is all my fault, and I feel like crap for it!!! Now I am 800 miles from my wife and kids. I realize what I have done wrong, I don't blame her for not trusting me! I LOVE my wife very dearly her kicking me out has really opened my eyes!! I want to and am willing to do anything it takes to get us back together as a family!! She says there is no chance at all now. That when I left it was like a great weight lifted off her shoulders. I talk to our kids almost every night to see how they are doing, how there day was in school. I am trying to avoid the love busters like begging and pleading with her. But this just hurts so bad!! I did make the mistake of sending her an email just to tell her how I really felt. That I wanted to do al the work to earn her trust, love and respect again! That I knew I was the one to make all the mistakes!! She won't even talk to me on the phone now. Last I did talk to her was just before I sent the email I asked her if I could send it she said yes and she would read it but it wouldn't change anything. That I had to move on and start over without her, as soon as she has the money she is going to file. In the month that I have been away I have been working on myself trying to better myself to be the man, husband, and father that she wanted me to be without pushing her to get vack together. I even told her i didn't want to get back together until she could trust me again, but I do want to get back together!! What is everyone's opinion? Is there anything I can do to show her I mean business this time, that I have changed, that she is not just hearing the same old thing?

It takes women much longer to start trusting a man again, than it does a man. Subconsciously, females need to depend on males for support. It's almost always one of their biggest Emotional Needs.

Here's what I would do. It's December. College courses start in January. Find the closest community college to you and enroll in a couple of classes, maybe 3 if you can handle it and still work. Either pick an Associates Degree you can get (2-year degree) in some technical field you'd like to work in, or work on a 4-year Bachelor degree.

Getting a degree is the number one thing you could do right now to prove to her that you are serious about improving yourself so you can provide for your family. Plus, once you get it, you'll start making much better money, and it will be more stable work.

Plan on doing that and working for at least the next year. Keep in contact with the kids every day if you can, so she'll see that you're serious about becoming a better person. Get the cheapest apartment you can find; ride the bus if you can so you don't have to have a car; live like a hermit. Don't spend any money except for the phone bill and necessities; put everything else into 2 piles - one for savings and one you send to your wife to take care of the kids.

Make sure you send her that money like clockwork; that is probably the number one thing, aside from college, that will show her you're finally serious about growing up.

If she sends you paperwork, you don't have to sign it. Tell her you can't do that yet, because you're still trying to repair things and you want your family back too much. Do NOT sign them just to make her happy - you'll lose her. She can afford to be mad at you for that, as long as you're doing the other stuff, which will make up for it.

Cat thank you for the reply! That is actually something I have been thinking about doing. I have run equipment and driven truck all my life. I have never been an over the road driver. Last year I tried to take a job driving over the road, I had a panic attack the morning I was supposed to leave. I just couldn't do it! I don't know if it was because of problems in the marriage or just being afraid of being away from my family. I did go to counseling for awhile but the counselor was not helping me at all. At the same time my wife and I saw a counselor for our marriage we only went three times and she decided that the counselor (a man) was taking my side. I don't believe he was I think he was picking on me more than her.We have been together for 16 years and never really spent anytime away from each other. I think for the whole 16 years we spent maybe 3 weeks apart 1 week at a time many years apart.My biggest prob with the college idea is I'm only on unemployment right now so funding is very limited to spend on courses and sending her money too. I am sending her $100 a week right now. I am out everyday looking for work at least 6 hours a day. One of the other big problems is my wife and kids are 900 miles away! I'm still having really bad days where it hurts so bad I have a hard time going out and looking for work but I go anyway. How can I hold out hope and deal with the pain of what I have done? I probably shouldn't but every time I call and talk to the kids I ask if she wants to talk too. I don't push the issue and I try not to talk about us unless she brings something up.

One other question. What can be done if I don't sign? How long before anything can be done? And how long after it is filed before evrything becomes final? I am in texas she is in tennessee. I talked to the kids tonight then talked to her I guess I've made another mistake. After talking to the kids I've asked if she wants to talk most nights ( not to talk about us just to talk about anything!).She was pissed at me for asking, said it is upsetting the kids, and she doesn't want to talk to me until after everything is final unless she has to about the kids. What can I do about that? Just sit back and wait?