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She says she is'nt but its hard to tell but they are just friends now. One thing she did say to me was if we were to get back together she would want to have the OM as a friend and I told her that would be a really big problem for me. So in answering your question Charlotte I am not entirely convinced she is not still romantically involved with him. Yeah, that doesn't sound good. With all of the stuff that happened last year, no contact would have to be a priority for her. Charlotte
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Can't change what happened a year ago--it's best to just let it go. I think it would be better if everyone would just try and help you find a solution. Or formulate some sort of plan.
Charlotte
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That is all I am asking for a plan. But MEDC seems to pop his big head in whenever I make a post. I think he has alarm at his home that goes off whenever I post.
I would like some insight to where she is at.
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Can't change what happened a year ago--it's best to just let it go. I think it would be better if everyone would just try and help you find a solution. Or formulate some sort of plan.
Charlotte The SOLUTION is simple....get his son on a plane tomorrow and reunite the kids. Absent that, there is no way to make this right. A good parent would NEVER do this to his children. BTW Pottsy...do you have the drug problem under control?
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****edit****
Stop this!!
Dufresne
MB Moderator
Last edited by Dufresne; 12/19/08 10:19 PM. Reason: TOS Violation - Profanity
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Lets get a few things straight. I am not the one who had the affair,I am not the one who did not want to try and work at the marriage. Yes we are responsible for splitting our kids up.
It makes me very angry when you portray me as a bad parent. I am not a bad parent and I will not take you portraying me as one.
At the time I wrote those posts that you seem to pull out of your behind I was in a world of hurt. I empathize with the affair issues. I do not portray you as a bad parent..your own actions take care of that. You didn't just WRITE those posts...YOU did those things and you knew full well what you were doing when you used your son to hurt your wife and to ease your burden.
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so, I guess that would be a big NO about the drug problem? Why the hostility? I am being 100% factual. Put your son on a plane.
Last edited by Dufresne; 12/19/08 10:20 PM. Reason: removing quoted deleted text
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Pottsy, I know you are hurting. For that I am sorry. But please, do not divide your children. That is insane and will lead to untold amounts of hurt for both children. I am shocked that you are willing to go along with that plan under any circumstances.
Please find a way to get centered and focus. But more than anything...do not separate these kids. They do not deserve to be used as pawns in this situation.
MEDC The thing is,maybe I am being selfish but I will not stay here in this country if my marriage goes pear shaped I need be in my homeland where I can start again. The way I feel at the moment is that I do not want to reward my W for all the pain she is putting me through.
I need her to suffer as well by me leaving and going back to Australia at least I have one of my kids that can help me through this by preoccupying me. 11/18/07
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Another problem I had was I was a drug addict while we were living in Australia but now we are here I have kicked that habit I know that has had a big influenece in her unhappiness. do NOT tell your wife you are going to expose.
Do send a certified letter to her workplace on Monday.
Do get contact information for the OM's wife/GF.
Do expose the affair to anyone that can POSSIBLY help.
Do NOT ever leave your home or children.
Do NOT ever agree to separate the kids.
Do fight for your M and if that fails after you have exhausted all possibilities, YOU keep BOTH of your children with you.
DO call the Harley's on Monday to set up an appointment.
DO listen to the posters here that have been down this road and have your best interest at heart. Mel & company are here to help. Their advice might appear to go against your instincts....when that happens...IGNORE your instincts.
Find ways to add stress to the little fantasy land this affair is thriving in....exposure is the first step.
Fight. Call the Harley's and develop a strategy and strap on your jock...it isn't going to be easy, but you can come out of this intact and happy.
MEDC 11/18/07
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the advice remains the same...
get the kids back together immediately.
call the Harley's and work on things with your wife.
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The way I see things is if I stay here she wins she gets to keep or have access to both kids and keep her A going while I suffering. Are you kidding me? So you sacrifice your children's happiness, security and well being so YOU, an ADULT, won't be "miserable?"
Are you really a MAN? Because you sound like a selfish, self obsessed teenage girl to me. I realize you may be recovering from dope addiction and thusly, have never grown up, but trust me when I say that this is a horrible decision for YOUR CHILDREN and some day when you GROW UP you will DEEPLY REGRET DOING THIS TO YOUR KIDS.
A REAL MAN PROTECTS HIS CHILDREN, HE DOESN'T SACRIFICE THEIR WELL BEING AND THEIR HAPPINESS BECAUSE HE IS "MISERABLE." sheeesh
You don't have to stay with your wife if you stay in Denmark. You are a big boy and you can find a way to stay there and keep your kids together without depriving them of their mother. Melodylane 11/27/07 I am not calling you a bad father because of your wife...I am saying that because of your willingness (not desire as i know you DESIRE to have your wife love you again) to separate your children. Only a bad father would be willing to divide his children like that.
As far as making your wife love you again...you can't. You can do your best to put pressure on her affair and better yourself. What happens after that is her choice. But what happens with your children is being dictated by two people right now that are both only thinking about their selfish needs and not the children.
I will repeat...if you are willing to divide your children, you are a bad father. Don't let that happen Pottsy. Your kids deserve more from their father. MEDC
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Hi...
I would some positive advice from some of the vets here on how I should handle my situation?
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you had page after page of advice from the vets here...and you ignored every last bit of it.
I suggest you go back and actually read the posts this time.
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Bellevue chiming in with quotes from before. Must say, my opinion hasn't changed. Again, it's not about YOU. It's about the kids. You hoping for someone who doesn't remember you and your sorry sitch?
"pottsy, It doesn't matter what you FEEL and whether you have your support network around you. Your FEELINGS are a pooh in the wind. Once you had those kids, you lost any right to move away from them, for any reason. It would be evil to separate your kids from each other.
Legally I guess you are entitled to do what you want. Morally, you aren't. Whether she leaves you for the OM, whether you divorce, you have an obligation to remain in Denmark and live there until your kids become adults and self-supporting. That is it.
You must stay close to your wife because she is only thinking about her feelings for the OM. You need to be close by in case of an emergency. You need to be there when the Christmas concert happens, to watch your kids and tell them how well they performed. You need to be there when your children do everything they do.
You lost all rights to live your own life when you had your kids. You are a father. That word is spelled S-A-C-R-I-F-I-C-E. Self-sacrifice; not sacrifice of the children."
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