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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 45
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 45 |
Wife went to Jacksonville for what should have been "our" trip to visit her Dad with the kids. After a MAJOR argument (see:"Falsely Accused"/Resolving Conflict) she decided she, her sister and the kids would go alone and she said she needed "space". I respected her "space", but this too is a double-edged sword. To not make any contact could have shown I didn't care. After all, I brought up DIVORCE. On the other hand and at the suggestion of my family, I should make some contact to show I do care/miss her. I sent a text message last night that simply said "hope you're having a good visit and drive safe on the way home". I NEVER should have done this. I expected some type of immediate response and after some time without any response...I went into a downward tail spin. I then sent another text saying "I guess your lack of response says it all". Then she responded saying she was busy with the kids and hoped I was having a good visit in TN with my Grandmother and be safe driving back. I made the mistake of sending several other messages (without response) and continued to spin out of control. We've only been married 6mo (dated three years/broke up twice) and I just don't feel we have the commitment and bond that's strong enough to survive this issue. I love her VERY MUCH, and she's said she doesn't want a divorce either, but her actions don't support that and I just don't know what to do/say next. It's clear she's choosing her sister/family over me and provides NO defense on my behalf during this attack. Maybe divorce will be the result...I don't know.
A WOMEN'S ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED HERE...
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Steve, I read your other thread and it seems you are a black out drunk who may have given your neice narcotics while in a black out? If you have a drinking problem, and it sure sounds like you do, the first step is to stop drinking. Alcoholism is such a huge lovebuster that the MB concepts are ineffective against it.
What are you doing about the drinking problem that led to all this conflict?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 45
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 45 |
I've come to accept the fact that I DO have a drinking problem. I've got to either drastically cut back or stop drinking. Meanwhile, even with this...what about my marriage?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Well, the first thing is to stop drinking. Just accepting you have a drinking problem is not the same as eliminating the problem. I would get into a program of recovery and get your drinking problem managed, THEN work on your marriage.
In your case, the place I would start is the book Lovebusters and then His Needs, Her Needs by Dr Harley. But your drinking has to be arrested first.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 613
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 613 |
I've got to either drastically cut back or stop drinking
My 2 cents..........start with showing your wife you can stop,not just cut back. And then enter a program. Anything other than that if I were her family member I will tell her to run for the hills.
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