A couple of weeks ago my H went to a party being thrown by a relative. While at the party, a family friend who was at a previous family engagement was there. H came home drunk.

The Monday following the party, the woman called my husband (I found out that his cousing gave her his number) to try and set up a date and time when they can "hook-up" at a hotel. H told the woman that he was in love with me and would never cheat. He told her he was drunk and he's a flirt so he didn't mean anything that he said that night. And do not call him ever again.

H confessed to me about the party and the phone call that Monday evening. No problem. I repsected him for his honesty and we continued as though nothing happened.

Three weeks later H was on the phone talking to his cousin who is the best friend of the woman at the party, about a family function that we're hosting at our home right after New Year's.

Please note: H is very loud when he's on the phone and sound carries through our house very well so I was not eavesdropping.

I was upstairs preparing for the next day. I heard my H tell his cousin that he was so turned on by the woman, when she walked in to the party the "hunt" was on, he knew they would sleep together when he saw her, and she could not bring the woman to our family function because he would be in the corner "humpin and pumpin" with her and his peoples (me) would not stand for it.

I was totally devastated.

I confronted him when he came upstairs. He claimed that nothing happened between the two of them. He was just talking trash and trying to be macho. He told me he only said those things to his cousin to "save face." He said he did not want to look like a punk for not sleeping with the woman so he put on this facade. He had no desire or intention to sleep with the woman. He was drunk.

He told me that he never wants to go to another party or function without me again. He apologized for saying those things to his cousin and promised me that this will never happen again.

Up until this incident he has been totally open and honest about the what happened at the party and the telephone call. But I am so hurt by what he told his cousin on the phone that I can't see straight. I can't seem to get past this. Everytime I think about it I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest.

H says that nothing happened, he was talking trash to his cousin and I should get over it. Really. Am I overreacting?

He needs to redefine 'macho'. That's crazy talk...have to save face by letting people know he WANTS to cheat on his wife? You're not overreacting.

This cousin needs to get cut out. How disrespectful, setting your husband up for a hook-up. She needs to be hauled out with the rest of the garbage.

Your H is behaving like a typical wayward blaming all his bad behavior on someone else. The fact that he talks this way as a married man to others should be very alarming to you. He wants to present himself to the world as a single man rather than a married man.

I would have a huge problem with that because it is profoundly disrespectful to you.

Being "honest" about being bad does not make it GOOD. If I murder someone and am "honest" about my crime, it does not erase the damage done. "I was honest!" is the refrain of someone who wants to use their honesty to erase their crime.

My suggestion would be to have a discussion about this attitude of his and how alarming and hurtful it is to you. I would also point out that if his cousin finds this kind of talk COOL, then she is an enemy to your marriage. There is nothing MACHO about a married man acting single, it is wormy, unmanly behavior.

Secondly, I would affair proof your marriage. That means not going out without each other. you are married, act like it. And most importantly, I would be snooping like a blood hound to make sure there is never any contact with this woman again. You would want to make sure there are not any others.

Agree! This cousin is TRASH.