I will try to make this quick. My wife of 11 years together for 16 has decided to end our marriage.We have 2 children of our own 9, 14, she also has a daughter I consider my own 18. We moved 6 states away in oct. We had been having some problems the past few years, and decided to move to help her mother and try to get a fresh new start for ourselves. Well after being there for one month not finding work she decided to tell me it was over and I needed to find a place to go!! So rather than move back to where we came from 1200 miles away I moved to my parents 900 miles away. I don't want this marriage to end!!! She doesn't have the money yet to file the papers but it won't be long. I think the biggest issue is my jobs and money spending. I have gone from just a little more than getting by to not making enough money to even pay all the bills. I had a chance to go drive truck over the road being gone for weeks at a time. But the morning I was to leave I had a panic attack that made me physically sick, and could not go. I think the panic attack was partly from not ever spending any real time away from my family in the past 15 years. My wife could not understand how an attack like this could keep me from doing something!!! She didn't even believe that it was a true attack!!! This was a little more than a year ago. Things have gone downhill from there. I did hold another good paying job for 2 months but it was another driving job that had me running an illegal log book, driving 80 hours in 5 days, I was home every night but I would leave at 3 in the morning and not get home until 8 - 10 at night!!! Twom months of that just burnt me out!! I went right out and got another job that didn't pay anywhere near as much but held that job until we left for her mother's. My spending had also stopped in this time. She had asked me to take over the bills a few times but I refused being that she worked part time and I worked 50 hours a week I wasn't home when places where open to pay bills. It has now been a month since she kicked me out and I am still having a very hard time facing daily tasks(even gettint out of bed). I want to change I want to save the marriage but she will not even talk to me now!! I call the kids almost everyday. I was asking if mom wanted to talk when I was done talking to the kids but she got mad at me for that and says she doesn't want to talk doesn't want me asking the kids anything about her as this upsets the kids. How was I supposed to know? No I have not found a job yet where I am now I go out looking everyday for 6 to 7 hours a day, but noone is doing anything till after the first of the year! Like I said I want to save this marriage I have never been abusive in anyway I have always tried to do everything that she asks. I have been paying alot more attetion to our children and I was trying to make a fresh new start at her mother's. I know I have broken her trust and it will take a long time to rebuild. So I guess my question to everyone here. What do I do from here to cope with the everyday pain, and how do I EARN my family back?

1) Put some paragraph breaks in your post so people can read it more easily.

2) Why did you move to a place where you had no job?

3)You are right not to take a job where you won't be home most of the time.

4) Keep looking for a job

5) Consider the possibility that she is having an affair. Is that possible? The reason I ask is it almost seems as if she had you move so she could get support from her family when she kicked you out. Or maybe...

6)Have you been working steadily up until this point? If you have a long term history of not working, she may have gotten sick of that and mave have the family move so she could get support from her family when she kicked you out.

7) What kind of problems have you been having?

Thank you for the reply!!

Sorry about no breaks!! We moved as far as I was told mostly to help her mother, she isn't doing to good health wise.

As far as not taking a job where I will be home most of the time. The idea was to get some bills paid off then look for something else closer to home maybe making less.

I have kept looking for a job there was nothing in that area. I am a truck driver/equipment operator.I even applied at auto parts stores and wal-mart, and would have taken anything that was offered!!

As far as an affair. I don't think so. But she did hear a rumor that I had said she was already with someone else. The rumor got started byt a friend asking if I had anyone to worry about. My reply was "I don't think so but if I did have anyone to worry about it woul be *******."

Working steady as I could be given the economy. The state that we came from was going downhill for years. I had a few months that I stayed on unemployment but kept looking for the better jobs instead of taking less than I was getting in unemployment.

Problems well...I kept letting her take care of all the bills, I kept spending money we didn't have, I "hung" all over her, she says she felt like she was my mother. I lost track of our marriage because I wasn't gettinrg any affection, and the love making was the same old thing get over here and get it done! I just kept focusing on that and trying to make that better instead of giving her and the kids what they needed.

I have tried to talk to her and tell her this has really opened my eyes to what the problems have been but she doesn't want to listen at all. In fact she won't even talk to me on the phone now because I ask the kids after I talk to them if mom wants to talk to me. I guess it has upset the kids when she doesn't want to talk. I am 900 miles away how was I supposed to know?

I have admitted all my faults like I never have before. I have told her I want to change I have changed!! I want to support her and the kids no matter what it takes or what it costs me personally, emotionally, or otherwise!! I also told her I want to pay off all of those old bills instead of filing bankruptcy like we where going to do!!

I may have a job driving over the road after the first of the year I am going to take it as long as it is regional!! I couldn't stand to be gone months at a time running 48 states. I just want the love of my life and my children back no matter what!!! She is just so mad right now that she will not listen or think about anything!! I don't have any idea what else to do!! Any suggestions would be appreciated!!!

As far as moving without a job. I really don't know she was going with or without me and I wanted to be with her!! Her mother kept telling us that there where all kinds of jobs in the area!! Why I didn't insist on a job first I don't know. I guess I was still to blind trying to fix what I saw wrong. Instead of looking at the big picture.

Yes I do think she may have moved just for her mother's support. I asked many times if she was going to kick me out when we got there. She kept telling me no it will be a fresh new start for us!! I asked her after we had everything packed and ready to go if she realized how much faith I was putting in her about not kicking me out she said she knew! She was going to leave me back in aug when I stayed home from work for a day and a half because I was sick. She spent the night at a friends house and they talked her into coming back home. I almost think she had it all planned from then! But she says no!!!

Any ideas on how to earn her back??? And how do I cope with this worse than death feeling if not???

Hello-
Did you ever get treatment for your panic attacks? I had to when my M was in shambles. They are real, they are debilitating, but there IS help out there. I have a good doctor that put me on some meds. temporarily to help me over the hump. It was a god send to me! Look into it if you can.

And, the old adage, "time heals all wounds" is remarkably true! Just two years ago, I was depressed, stressed out, frantic a lot of times, and now, today, I am HAPPY. Happier than I have been in years. Just, as someone else here would say Remember to breathe!

Also, if I were you, the first thing that I would do, is MOVE CLOSER to her and the kids. As soon as you can. Then you can determine WHAT you can do.

I wish you well!

Yes I am on meds for the panic attacks. I was almost off the meds when we moved, but now I'm on an even higher dosage. I just can't take being away It hurts so bad!!!

I do plan on moving alot closer as soon as I can find work. I am looking at driving regional so I can be home almost every weekend. After I get a little experience I am going to start saving to get an apartment in the same town or very close to where they are.

Time heals all wounds. Well I am doing better than my first few weeks here. They were hell!! But now I have christmas tomorrow and new years to get through without seeing my wife or children. That is going to be very hard!!!

Any advice other than getting on my feet as to what I can do to earn her back? I have already started sending her better than a third of what I am getting for unemployment each week. I am calling the kids at least every other day if not every day. I have stopped asking if she wants to talk, as well as telling the kids how much I miss them and want to be there. I just don't know what else to do!! I love this woman and our children with my life. I am more than willing to give up everything just for us to be back together!! How do I get through to her???