I am just really sad right now. I guess I'm on the rollercoaster. I am happy because he came home, but I just don't know what to do. We haven't talked a whole lot about it.<P>I guess I had a D-day of sorts on Tuesday morning. I got into his cell phone voicemail and heard 3 messages from the OW. He has one saved from her on the day I visited him out of town, and one saved from me 2 days later explaining my feelings in a Plan A sort of way. This was of course before I knew for sure of the OW. He caught me going through his phone numbers on the cell phone and I asked him about her. He told me a little about her. He has not committed to not having contact with her. I'm pretty sure he's still talking to her. I know she called him one night again. I guess it was that night. I believe that he also has gotten her a phone on his cell-phone plan. It almost makes me sick. He'll be great one day, and dishonest the next.<P>I don't think he went to work last night. My car is broken down and he was going to pick me up, but called and said they wanted him to come in early to work. I had to find a ride. He did at least call and find out that I made it home. He said he'd call at break and never did. When I woke up at midnight and knew he should be on lunch break, I called and didn't get an answer. He called me back almost right away and sounded drunk (that's when I figured that he wasn't at work).<P>I just don't know what to do. He told me the other night after he had been drinking that he loved me, but that he had done so many awful things to me "f---ed me over" so bad in his words, that he just couldn't understand how I could still love him. He said that he just felt so bad and every time he looks into my eyes he knows how bad he has hurt me and when I'm telling him how much I love him, he feels even worse.<P>What does anyone think? I would love to talk to Dr. Harley, but don't know exactly how to or where to begin. I keep trying to be strong. I've been trying to meet his needs, but I guess I probably LB'd when I was snooping, and when I sometimes ask him whether she has called, or if he has talked to her. HELP! Do you think that his feeling guilty is going to drive him away? Should I stop being so nice and lovey? I think that the OW is in pursuit of him. He said that she is way more into it or makes way more of it than it is - whatever that means.<P>I'm hurt of course, but praying that he will have the desire to be with his family and maybe OW will leave him alone or get tired of him or he will see that I love him, Jesus loves him, and yes - he can have true and complete forgiveness. <P>P.S. He just called me and is going to take my car to the shop. I didn't say anything to LB. He saw the greeting card that I had written for him last night. He's supposed to call me back. Pray hard for him please.

Any ideas or advice? Any response appreciated.

Keep on Plan A'ing if you can. Think of it this way, everytime you do a good Plan A action, card, I love you, etc, you make a small deposit into his love bank and everytime you love bust, you make a large withdrawal. My W explained it to me this way because I would do a pretty good job at the Plan A for a few days then say something stupid or mean and ended up withdrawing in minutes what had taken days to build up.<BR>BTW If it is true that the OW is more into it than he is, then walking away should be easier. I would guess he is saying that to make you feel better and relieve some of his guilt. Things will work out. Just give it time and lots of love.<BR>Allen

believeinmiracles,<P>Allen is right...<BR>Keep going with your <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... your doing very well!<P>It's time to cut out the snooping out though...<BR>... you already know what is happening already!<P>His guilt is coming through so clearly...<BR>...you can comfort him... but a healthy dose of guilt is to your advantage.<P>Patience... <P>Jim<BR>

Thank you sparkydog and NSR. I feel like I'm falling apart at times. I just talked to him and he won't be able to pick me up and says that he's probably going straight to work. I get the feeling that he may be going out of town to visit her. <P>I'm afraid of just another weekend of crying around the kids. I get so upset when he won't call or answer the phone and then I feel good when he does call. I guess I'll see what all he has taken from the house when I get home. He may not be home for the weekend, even though he acts like he'll take my car to the shop in the morning. He said that he would do it today, but I guess other things came up. I don't think he even slept last night. He's probably not going to work. Why does he have to lie?<P>It's so painful!<P>Thanks again for your support and encouragement.<BR>