I saw him tonight for about 20 seconds (dropped kids off). My heart was pumping a mile minute, my stomach was in knots. I kept imagining him trying to talk to me, talk about us. But I knew he most likely wouldn't say anything. I was ok afterwards but now I am hurting. I know that I want to walk away from him and a terrible marriage. But still part of me wants him to hurt OVER ME. For him to feel pain. How is it they can go on like everything is ok. Oh but then after a few weeks they want to play house again and we just say "DUH...OKAY"! I HATE THIS! I know that this cry is what I need to get through this, but this really is just hopeless in my situation. He will never change, and I have to realize that I can't change him and find someone who will TRULY love me. I can't go with this post. Everyone have a good night. I KNOW i will be better tomorrow, so I will go have my cry in my pillow. Oh great, now he gets to see me puffy eyed in the morning when he gets the kids.

{{{{{{{{{{<B>trying2_4give</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>trying2_4give</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>trying2_4give</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>I'm so sorry for how you are feeling...<BR>...I'm praying for you tonight... <BR>...my candle is still lit!<P>In time... you can accept what you can and can't do... whether your in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> or heading toward <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>...<P>We love you here... <BR>Come and post anytime... <P>Jim

I am crying along with you! It is so hard! I don't understand how they can treat us so awful! I keep finding all these little pieces of evidence all over the house of how much my husband loved me. I found a note he wrote me, then there are all the cards. It is killing me.<P>Yes, it is good for you to cry! You do need to get it all out! I had a hard time crying at first! It is getting easier to cry!<P>As I am typing this, my h is with his ow. He had moved in with his brother and wife last Saturday. The idea was that he could quit his job to get away from the ow. Well, he just disappeared today. He called to tell me he would be visiting his best friend so that if his brother and wife called worried about him, that is where he would be. Well, I went out on a limb and called his best friend and my h is not there. Now, he is worried about him. He also said he would call if they saw him. Well, no phone call. My h was just covering his tracks so he could be with the ow. The thing is, I see through all his lies now.<P>The worst part is that we still love them. Yet they treat us with such disrespect! I don't get it. I am sorry you have to go through this! Just know that you are not alone! I know that isn't very comforting at a time like this! I am sorry!<P>~Woozy

trying2_4give,<P>I'm so sorry that you are hurting. I'll pray for you tonight.

(((trying to give)))<P>It feels so bad right now, I know. <P>Sometimes crying is the best thing for the pain. <P>For every dip in the roller coaster, the rebound gets quicker and quicker. It is just part of the process. <P>Be sure and let us know how you are tomorrow, okay?<P>God Bless You.<BR>tnt

Update: Well, I finally went to sleep, but had bad dreams about H all night. Then when he came in the morning to pick kids up. He grabbed me, started hugging me and wanted to talk. Of course our communication skills are horrible. I tried to keep it calm, but of course he see's things his way and I see things my way. I told him that I am not going on with this arguing because it gets us no where. The big kicker is he say's that he didn't tell me to move on. That I told him that I was walking away from this (yes, I said that, but I said IF HE DIDN'T TRY TO WORK THIS OUT, i was walking away). He and I can never have a decent talk concerning our relationship without it turning into something ugly. I told him why are we doing this (arguing) when it is going to get us no where. He left and that was that. I don't feel bad, but I KNOW that I CAN NOT GO BACK TO THE WAY THINGS WERE. I feel like we were married but lived seperate lives, no team work, no good conversations, very closed off. He say's everything was fine until we argued over something silly. What happens we argue, don't speak for a couple of days, and then end up having sex and then everything is okay.....UNTIL THE NEXT ARGUMENT! But thanks for understanding my emotions last night. I knew that I would be okay in the morning, and I am okay and WILL BE OKAY! I guess we all need a good cry every now and then!

I am sorry you are feling so bad. I think we can all let go of the disrespectful people our spouses have turned into. The only problem is in doing this, we also have to give up the wonderful person we knew them to be prior to this. For me, that is the hard part. I keep hoping my old H will come home some night. <P>Do something for yourself tonight and know that we are all thinking of you.<P>Acacia

Trying,<P>Weekends are tougth. Call a friend, go out. Great advice right?<P>So why am I here posting on a friday night?

Trying 2 4Give,<P>I feel your pain so close to my heart its as if it's my own. I know how sad you are because I am too. Sometimes when my kids are in bed, I just cry and cry until I have no tears left to come out of my eyes.<P>It is so painful to see the wayward one. I am nervous all day when I know. I have only had the pleasure four times in a month. Each time, he grabbing me for a hug and a kiss . I wish there were more posts from Betrayers on here so I can learn what makes them tick. <P>By the time you get my post, I am a day late, but I truly hope you are feeling better today. Someone said that the roller coaster tends to recover a little faster each time? Is this true in any of your cases? I am on one each day, one day up one day down with him. In my heart, I feel its because he is NICE to me when he is mad at OW and when he is happy with her, I am chopped liver. <P>He lost 30 pounds, I lost 17. He claims he loves me still but is not ready to come back. *Sure he lives with OW. Are you on Plan A? I am trying .<P>Each night when I pray I include all the people on this forum, tonite, I will say a special one for you.<P>Someone said weekends are the hardest, I find that the case for me too. Especially when H calls and leaves a message saying call me before nine, we are going out. HE NEVER TOOK ME OUT on the weekends, now they go out both nights and I get no money.<P>I am crying too now. I hope you are OK today. God Bless.