Well, I haven't posted in some time(Dec.,I think)due to all the craziness in my life. My H and I had a big blow out in December after I found out he was still living with OW. Several days later on my birthday I was arrested at my house for harassment. I live in a state where you can file a warrant on someone and they go to jail automatically. You can file a warrant filled with lies on a neighbor and they will be arrested. Of course, you should have some evidence for court. My husband didn't have any evidence so we never even made it to court! Boy, somebody needs to change that law! What really made me angry was that my H was doing the "harassing." Calling all the time, coming into the house whenever I wasn't home and taking whatever he pleased, etc. After I was arrested I cut off all contact because I became very afraid of him and decided to proceed with the pending divorce. Several days ago was my first contact with him since December. Things have gone well and he has expressed to me his desired to try and get along. He made a comment about how he was keeping tabs on me and knew I had gone on a date with someone. This is not true as I have not even gone out period except the usual daily tasks! He claimed it made him jealous for an instant and then realized that I could do want I wanted to do. He says he wants this divorce over as soon as possible so he can go on with his life. I told him that I wanted to talk with him in person about some issues and he said he would only do it if we had a friend present. I told him to "just forget it." He then said "Why are you angry?" I told him I wasn't angry, but I felt we needed to learn to get along no matter what happens for the kids' sake. He said he would speak with his attorney about this and get back with me on it. By the way he reacted, I feel he also wants to talk but is afraid???? as he is usually happy with the "forget it" thing. <BR>I guess I was really sure that the divorce was the only way to go, but after talking to my H I'm not sure I still feel that way. I could still see a small glimmer of the man I married and no the jerk I've been dealing with. Even though he says he wants this divorce, I'm not so sure that he is being truthful. Have any of you experienced this type of situation? I am really at a loss for what to do next. I am willing to make the first step but am terrified of being rejected. I started counceling back in December and that has helped a great deal. I really think I would like to try and save a 14 year relationship if at all possible. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!<P>Tulip

Tulip,<P>Are you in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>? Did you ever send him a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> letter?<P>If you are, I'd say take the hard line...<BR>...no contact with him (or as little as possible... with kids and all.)<P>If you still see a glimmer of hope... just hold back on the divorce... as much as is possible. There may be a glimmer... but I think you need to rely on a bit more than that.<P>Just my thoughts...<P>Best wishes,<P>Jim

I'm so sorry Tulip. What an ordeal to go through.<P>To be honest with you....if my H had me sent to jail...I know for a fact that I wouldn't even want to be with him anymore. I'd push for the divorce.<P>Of course, this is only my opinion. Whatever you decide to do, I'll be rooting for you either way. Good luck!

Tulip,<BR>Yes I know exactly what you are saying. Believe me...we could have been cell mates. I was arrested in May for telephone harassment. I called the OW and her and my H had me arrested. Now it is being used against me in a custody battle.....but strange as it may seem...I still love him. I would do anything to work it out with him. I saw him for the first time a few weeks ago. He walked out in April of 99. Sure I have seen him in his car and at the court house...but this is the first time that we were in the same room talking to each other. It was at the custody evaluators office. After I talked for a while I looked at him and saw tears in his eyes....and I could still see the love. God it hurt. My H just wants this divorce over too....wants to get on with his life. But in my impression...they are not getting on with their life when they are continually harassing us and calling at all hours. When they keep pushing your buttons, how can they think that we believe that they are over us? If you feel that it is not over....work on it. Just because you are divorced doesn't mean you can't keep working on being nice to him. I know it is hard...believe me.<BR>Nancy

To MENTAL,<P>There is a feature you can enable with your phone company that will keep a log report of the specific calls you use this feature for. As an example, every time your H or the OW calls, you entera code into the phone after the call and the originating phone number is entered into a log file with the phone company. You can have the phone company supply you with a transcript of the harrasing calls. It is considered a legal document in court where I'm from and it may help you with your custody case. Just call your phone company or the police and find out the details on this feature.<BR>Good luck!<P>------------------<BR>"Remember that every now and then you need to stop and eat the roses."<BR>-Bill The Cat