Hi All,<P>It's been a couple of weeks since I posted last...I've been lurking and replying some..I haven't had much to talk about...<P>This weekend my S and BIL moved in...I'm glad to have the company...However I find myself getting caught up in the what should have beens...R and I bought this house back in september...our beautiful 3000sq ft dreamhouse...Our old house was 980 sq ft...Well as you can imagine my feelings have got a grip on me right now...She's off galavanting w/LRB and I'm doing the honorable thing by remaining faithful to a seemingly undeseerving spouce...<P>It is becoming a major task not to seek affection from an attractive woman...There are several I could date...These ladies do not hold a candle to my W in looks intelligence, or personality...I should say they didn't in the past...My W's beauty has taken a nose-dive in a big way...she is very much mentally disturbed right now, and it is effecting her appearance...Her complexion is still shot and she has lost even more weught...at the most she weighs 90lbs...I fear for her health...<P>I look around this house and imagine it filled with our furniture and decorations...Oh jeese I need to get the hell of this damn pitty pot...<P>One thing I am haveing a hard time controling is my resentment towords LRB...I really hope I don't ever see him...I really want to beat the **** out of him...and on any given day if I see him I will...On generalk principle alone...That being said I have absolutly no intentions of finding him...I just hope I don't see him...<P>W told a friend that she is intimidated by me..I don't know why all I've done is try to improve myself...<P>I still plan to go into plan-b on the 15th of this month...I'm working on my letter revisions, I'll post them later this week...<P>Today my D and I are going to the pet store to get the last few things we need for our aquarium...My latest impulse buy is a 55 gallon aqarium...we are going to start an African Cichlid tank...hope fully she will learn to enjoy feeding and watching them like i do..<P>I pray for each and every one of you all...pleae remember me and my sick W in yours...<P>I love you all,<P>Bill<P>Irish Blessing<P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR><p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited February 06, 2000).]

I know how you feel. My H and I are having a lot of problems right now. Only in my case the OW is my brother's fiancee. Nice huh!!!..My H left the house the other day and she kicked my brother out and he is staying with her and my 3 nieces and 1 nephew. He left me and my 6 year old. I am going through such hell with dealing with all of this. We have been together for 13 years and married for 7. To make things worse, the same night I caught them together, my grandmother passed away that morning. I have to try to pull myself together a bit because today is her viewing and the funeral is tomorrow.<BR>I really pray for you that things will work out for the best. That is all I can do right now and hope that with a little help from my grandmother above, I can still save my marriage.<BR>Good Luck!!!!

Bill,<BR>I am sorry to hear your lonely today. I hate that feeling. Believe me, I have been so lonely that I just cried for one week straight, didn't even leave the house.<P>I am pretty sure that was you who replied to me this morning. You mentioned you feel like getting together with another woman. I have not seen this topic discussed much on here. That is why I fear what I am going to hear about my choice, but can I tell you something on my experience?<P>I love my husband with all my heart and soul. I have learned through the book his needs, her needs, That, i only had one need met,and only half way. I always thought I was SO happy. Looking back, I was happy I wasn't alone. I do love him. But he left me on xmas for another woman and moved right in. He has told me every other day that he is coming home. So i have been on a roller coaster, and quite sure i have lost my mind. I can't think rational at all.<P>I must say for myself last night, that I was totally honest with my old boyfriend. I told him I loved my husband. I told him I wasn't ready for a committment, yet, obviously I had began to doubt my marriage. I had NO I repeat NO plans of sleeping with another man while married. I am going to church right now. Just because I already planned to the other day. But I also told him I didn't want to hurt him. He basically said he has thought about me the past five years and always missed me. He told me everything I needed to hear. He was a perfect gentlemen and I pretty much did this on my own. I believe I did it to "see what all the big deal was". <P>I still love my H. But today, I love myself too. A feeling I haven't had in years. All my feelings right now are about just me. And I have never done that. I must say that it turned out as beautiful and romantic as it could have been but I am not confused just yet. I fear what will develop now. Feelings for another man? Maybe , maybe not. I fear my H had affairs our entire marriage, something I don't know I could live with. Now I don't know why, but I don't feel guilty or ashamed, just yet. I was honest about it all.<P>In a few days I will let you know if I feel truly awful (i have a bad conscience, so its possible). Its possible, I could leave it at that one night and be happy with myself too.<BR>I am going to search this topic more because I haven't seen much.<P>I feel your sadness in your letter. I truly know what it feels like to question...should I just sleep with someone else. I have needs too right? In my case, I can tell you I have been treated worse, than the doormat I have heard of on here. So I needed someone to lift me up a bit. And if and when, H finds out down the road, he claims to be unforgiving then it wouldn't have been right for me to forgive him . Put 2 years into a Plan A for that . So in my own twisted mind, I just wanted to see what the big deal was. I still love my H. But today I love myself too. <P>It must be hard to be in that big house. Your dream house. I am sorry for you. I am going to search your posts later today so I know a little more of your situation. I read your profile, and I can imagine the pain you are in. Stay strong, I am going to church right now and you will get a special prayer. <P>Dana<P>

Bill,<P>I admire your strength. I wouldn' t say your on the pity pot. Your feelings are quite normal. You are HUMAN! But you are also very wise. And you know that giving in to your emotions and acting them out will only put you back at square one.<P>God can be anything you need him to be. And he has carried you through this far, he won't forsake you now or never. Allow Him to comfort your heart and hold you in his arms. Our heavenly Father loves you and I'm sure his love is raining down from heaven on you. <P>I know you are going to plan B and I support your decision to do just that. My only prayer is that you W will remove the blindfold that Satan has put over her vision. Satan seeks to kill, steal and destroy. He is a copycat or imitator of God. That which God sees as precious and important, he seeks to destroy. The Bible talks about how children will come against their parents, and spouses will turn against one another, but how it is the perfect will of God that the family remains intact. Continue to do what you have been doing. Love your children as you have been. It's funny how we can draw strength from them also. Children are definetly a gift from God. <P>I pray that your W will start to be sensitive to the voice of God. And that whatever feelings she thinks she has for OM will become null and void. And may God continue to shower you with love, grace and peace.<P>You are loved...<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Tucci,<P>My favorite Uncle died discovery week. W was shacking up w/LRB while I was in New York at the funeral.<P>My deepest sypathies and condolances on your loss. I lost my Grandfather 21/2 years ago. He was my best friend. My Grandma is loseing her health slowly and O dread her loss. Hopefully she will get to know my children. God willing.<P>Your family will be in my prayers.<P><BR>Dana,<P>Thank you for your kind encouragement. I haven't cried since xmas. My W left xmas day to be w/LRB and his s****y family. I know the feelings. As far as your actions last night, I hope your tab won't be greater than youre willing to pay. Please be careful, with your feelings they are great decievers.<P>Jamie-Lee,<P>My good friend. Thank you so much for your thoughts. You truly are a beautiful ladie. Your H sees it, like my W he needs time to come to grips w/things. I am now climbing down off my pity pot...at least for the time being...LOL<P>Satan <B>is</B> the great deciever. Robin knows this, however she refusses to live in Gods will. I am glad I don't have to pay her tab.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

I don't know what advice I can give accept to say that I like everyone else here can relate to your plight and understand your difficulties. <P>Feel good about your strength and I will pray for you and your wife.<P>Acacia

William,<BR>I am feeling very lonely these days too. I find myself just looking at "our" dream house and seeing all those things that bring back such overwhelming memories. Every piece of furniture and trinkets have a story and sometimes I can remember the exact events that led up to us buying them. I miss him so bad and still love him. But I need to keep telling myself that he no longer loves me. I can't make him love me and I'm not sure I want him to anymore. I don't cry anymore about our future, but more for the fact that I lost something so special to me and the fact that I must not have been special to him. And I cry for the fact that we have danced our last dance...and kissed our last kiss....and had I know that was going to happen I would have surely danced the night away with him and never let him leave my arms.<BR>Nancy

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bill}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Hang in there, Bill. You're doing fine. These days are hard.<P>We're with you.<P>Lori

Hey lurker,<P>I too have been lurking for a while but it's nice to see that you are finally posting. What is not nice is to see you're sad.<P>Don't worry, Bill, the pain Robin inflicted on you was tremendous in all levels: emotional, mental, physical, maybe even spiritual. Feeling sad, angry, lonely, sometimes just happy are all natural processes of healing. I don't want to sound like a teacher but it is OK to feel sad once in a while.<P>Yesterday I was feeling like that (I am not completely out of it as yet) & for no apparent reason, I mean W is still with OP (although she doesn't love the #@€@\- sorry) but she spent the whole day at a condominium meeting with her mother & then she was sleeping home (after visiting OP & daughter- probably this was the trigger) & today we'll spend Sunday with the in-laws like a normal family, so…<P>Then it hit me: it is a natural process; I've read about it but I never really understood it until yesterday. Then something funny happened: I started to enjoy sadness, I saw it going through my body & mind cleaning all pain; I knew it was a different kind of sadness, one like "it is the end of the road" sort of thing…<P><B>THE SHOULD HAVE BEENS</B> Forget the "should have": look for today, look forward to the future. Bill: your old marriage is over. If she comes back you two will have to start a whole new relationship & build trust again. Say farewell to your old relationship because that Bill and that Robin from before the affair are gone. You are a better, more mature, wiser person now & hopefully Robin will awake to discover that she is too. A bigger HOUSE? great, now make it a HOME for yourself, a place where people feel welcomed by the warmth & love in it.<P><B>AFFECTION FROM ANOTHER WOMAN, ROBIN'S HEALTH</B> What Dr H. says about dating? I've have the same feelings & find myself admiring all these women that I never notice before, then I've have a couple of flattering occasions when girls in their early 20's (I'm 44) flirt with me & I think "this is my chance, W can't say anything because she's having an affair, if she comes back I'll never have this opportunity again… it's a hell of a temptation, but so far I haven't gave in. Robin, does she look "happy" other than unhealthy?<P><B>RESENTMENT TOWARD LRB</B> Probably your W knows your feelings toward LRB & that's why she is intimidated- change your approach, let go —even if LRB had principles your W was in emotionally needy & probably (we'll never know) would had look for another candidate). When Robin comes back to you LRB will be history, don't worry about him & take care of yourself.<P>Good luck with the aquarium, the whole process of choosing it, installing it, decorating it, etc., is a bond between you and your D and a step toward turning that house into a home.<P>I pray for you.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn (but when?)

everything that Alex just said......<P>ditto.......<P>well, except for the part about 22 year old women wanting me..... <P><BR>he has such good points, my friend.....<P>((((((((((((BILL))))))))))))))<P><BR>Dylan

Bill,<P>You aleady know the answer to the "Pity Pot" situation. That pot starts to smell really bad quickly, so best to get off as soon as you can.<P>I certainly know where you are at, and the days counting down to Plan B-day must be difficult. But something you wrote sounded a bit "positive" to me.<P>You wrote that your wife told a friend that you intimidate her. Strangely enough, I think that just the fact that she said it, and is thinking about you is a big positive. Also, if she's intimidated by you, then she may look up to you as a really "good" guy - someone who's doing the right thing where she is not at the moment. Perhaps "guilt" is the source of the intimidation.<P>Bill, I'm still a huge believer that your situation is very unique given LRB's age. And I'm still a big believer that at least with LRB, it will all come crashing to a sudden end. I have no idea when, but I know it will happen. If she'll talk to you about the intimidation thing, without her losing faith in the friend she told, then that would also be a good thing - you may find that she's intimidated for other reasons that you can work on.<P>I'm thinking of you.<P>SamH

Hey Bill,<P>Sorry to hear you are so lonely. Iv'e been there, done that, have the tee shirt, and coffee mug. Was just there last night as a matter of fact. I was hugging what used to be Val's pillow.<P>Having family with you should help. You have someone to talk to and they really care. The only ones here to chat with are the two damn cats. They are Val's pets so off course they side with her. <P>OK, next, the dating thing. I was seeing an XGF for a while. I told her up front that nothing was going to happen because, 1. I'm still married and that means something to me, and 2. I was still in love with my W. Guess I still am. <P>We, Michele and I, went out a couple times, the movies, dinner, she came down here to watch TV and hang out. I just didn't feel right about it. She is great and we probably could have picked up where we left off so many years ago. She is tall blonde and has the longest legs that could... well never mind. I couldn't stop thinking of Valerie.<P>Pass on beating the daylights out of LRB. It's really not him. Robin just wasn't happy with herself. Poor self esteem, what ever. She was looking for something. If not him, it would have been someone else. <P>One last thing, don't even think of getting Pirhanna and pushing LRB in the tank unless I can borrow it later.<P>Sorry, I haven't been around as much. I have to hire a full timer. This old man is getting tired.<P>Take care, Bud.<P>Tim

Bill,<P>Another lurker comes out!!!!<BR>I haven't been posting much either, some out of fear of OW reading what I have to say and some out of not knowing what to say... I am not really sure where I am at in all this. Part of it is the new format too. It's hard to know where to post or where to find old friends. So many new UN's it's hard to keep track and it kinda depresses me too. Anyway...enough about that.<P>I will have to agree with Dylan, Alex made a lot of good points. I don't see what you said as a pity pot so much, just honest feelings about a really stinky situation. It's good that you are involved in a project with your daughter it will bring some "normalcy" to both your lives.<P>As always you and so many others are in my prayers. I said a special prayer for marriages experiencing infidelity during prayer intentions at mass today and will say another tonight at my prayertime.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

Bill,<P>All the feelings you are experiencing are the same ones I wrote about several weeks back. The loneliness and wanting the company of the opposite sex. For me, I dearly miss all the things that friends can NOT supply... important emotional needs that have been neglected such a long, long time...affection, admiration, conversation and sex. I get plenty of conversation here on the forum and with friends, but it it not the same as sharing your intimate day to day with your S. Same thing for affection and admiration. The kind you share with friends, family and co-workers is not the same as shared in an intimate relationship. And then there's sex...or rather, the lack of sex. <P>Of course we feel lonely and down if we have needs that can not be met except in the intimate relationship we used to have in our marriages. No wonder we focus on the "used to be's". Just remind yourself that one day you will have all these needs met, again.<P>Some of your anxiety is the pre-PlanB jitters, too, friend. It is undaunting to think you might never see or talk to Robin again. If you do it right(PlanB) and she doesn't come back to you, then that is what you could potentially face, and that is SCARY. I understand, as I felt the exact same way.<P>However, know that I am doing GREAT in PlanB...so was Diana and sidney. When we don't have to deal with the daily reminder that the S is in the ongoing affair, it actually DOES help to protect those feelings and to COPE so much better than anything else. This will happen to you, too. Once you get over the initial hump, you are going to start to feel BETTER, Bill. <P>Also, remember what everyone here, including me, has been telling you. The likelihood of Robin making it with LRB is a million to one. It just isn't in the cards, Bill, no matter how much R is refusing to see that right now. There is no doubt in my mind that she will crash and burn. The question is whether she will have created so much damage that she has ruined any chances of the two of you getting back together or not. All the more reason for the PlanB.<P>I promise...you WILL feel liberated once you get over the initial hump in PlanB!!!!<P>Please smile a little...I hate for my friends to feel so sad and lonely....You have alot of people who care about you, including me. Think of something absolutely adorable that your beautiful, genius daughter did or said...that is sure to bring a big grin to your face........ <P>Desiree<P><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

acacia,<BR>I do feel good about my strength...<BR>thanks for the prayers...<P><BR>Nancy,<BR>This stinks doesn't it. I'm living in house we were to move into discovery week.<BR>Hang in there I am...<P><BR>Lori,<BR> Thanks for the much needed hug<P>Alex,<BR>Fortunatly I don't dwell too long on the should haves...<BR>I have no intentions of dating I'm <B>still</B> married...<BR>I am not willing to let go of my resentment toeards that little ****ing worm...I still want to kick his [censored]...I amnot willing to go to jail today...so don't worry...<BR>The aquarium is doing really well, I have three African Cichlids swimming away...D vhas already named them...lol<P><BR>A...Dylan... <BR>You don't like the idea of 22 year old women wanting you...lol<BR>Love ya.<P>Sam,<BR>I got down off my pity pot not long after I posted...<BR>I hope I can hang in until she crashes..<BR>Thanks for your words they mean alot..<P><BR>Zippy,<BR>Loneliness stinks...sure I have company..so I won't be alone...<BR>I'm starting a 10,000 gallon Maiko Shark tank..I hear they like 17 year old rednecks...<P><BR>Nicole,<BR>Thank you so much for the prayers and encouragement...you do know how comforting it is...<P>Desiree,<BR>You sure know how to put feelings into words...<BR>Missing that connection we used to have...the intimacy...knowing what the other was going to say before it was spoken...the sex...I won't go there...5 months of forced celibacy...ouch...<BR>I don't really have plan-b jitters...in fact I'm looking forward to the reprieve...8 days and counting..<P>I know this relationship will end and my dear Robin will be a shadow of her formal self...hell..she already is...<BR>I feel much better...D and I had a great day...I even rode my bike for a little while...I know you and so many others care...It makes walking through each day easier...<P> [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif[/img]<P><BR>See I'm smiling already<P><BR>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR><p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited February 06, 2000).]

Bill,<P>I sure do like all those smiles!!!!!!! You wear them well. However, you forgot to tell us what adorable thing your beautiful, genius daughter did or said that put all those smiles on your face. So tell..........<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

She named our three fish...<BR>The orange one is lucky<BR>The solid blue one is lucky's sister<BR>And the blue striped one is lucky's mother...<P>She loves them...<P><BR>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hey Bill,<P>Do you think the shark would like contractors? When you said that I immediately pictured a scene from Ace Ventura when he fell into the shark tank. <P>Off course Ace was the good guy and survived. That and he um... Courtney Fox.<P>Zip

<B>Bill,</B><P>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!LOL!!! Extra cute!!!! <P><B>Zippy,</B><P>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!LOL!!!!!!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hey Bill,<P>your post was yesterday, but I only read it today !!!.......<P>Are you feeling better, it's a brand new day, and you can smell the roses...<P>I sure know and understand all those feelings, I have missed my H like I never thought it was possible to miss someone.<P>I've posted an update on what's happening in my life, so I won't repeat it here.<P>My thoughts are with you, and there's a big hug heading your way right now.<P>I still say that pimples, greasy hair, loud head banging music, dragging your car, (racing your car) and 'wanting' to get drunk can't be very attractive to a woman in her 30's. Robin will wake up, I just hope it's soon.<P>The fish tank sounds lovely, we used to have one. It is so peaceful watching those little fishies doing nothing but eating and pooping !!!!! What a life.<P>I hope today is better for you than yesterday,<BR>keep that beautiful chin up and take care of you<P>Jo<P>