<BR>Well about 4 hours ago I posted the topic "H just confessed to an affair"..Since that time, I have now caught him. My friend was driving around and found his car a block away from my bro's house. So, they called me and picked me up and I went there. I sat right outside the front door and called my bro's fiancee from the cell phone and asked my H was there and she said no. I then told her I was outside and let me in so I can look for him, she said fine. I searched the downstairs and went upstairs and found him hiding in her bedroom. I called her a liar for trying to be my friend and walked out. I then called my bro and picked him up and brought him there. By then, my H had already left. We went in and confronted her about it she just kept laughing. She said that they had been seeing each other for a few weeks but there was nothing sexual yet....I can't believe that my H could do this to me let alone my own brother...<BR>Then he has the nerve to call my house before sticking up for her, telling me she treats my son better that I do..That he thinks he is "in love" with her and when I asked her the same, she told me it is none of my business..Where do I go from here??? I don't know what to do...I don't want my son anywhere near her...How can I go about making that happen???....Please I need some help. I am totally devasted and sick to my stomache over this whole thing. Especially the fact that they are both so happy and laughing about this.<BR>They said they have been going out together and seeing each other for a few weeks. How could they do this to their families?? My son is going to hate the both of them for this and I don't know how to handle that. Ever since this whole thing started 2 weeks ago all she kept saying is "I am here if you need to talk, I am your friend"...Yeah some friend. Turn around and stab me in the back!!!!!!!!!!!. The sad part is that I still love him so much!!!><BR>Please help me...

Tucci, I have to ask you how old these people are? It seems to me from the laughter that they seem EXTREMELY IMMATURE that they have destroyed 2 families and they don't seem to notice or care. I understand that the fantasy of an affair is intriguing, but I have never heard of ANYONE laughing in the spouses face not even the OW! These people have A LOT TO FACE UP TO. Maybe one day they will see what they have done. THEY NEED TO GROW UP and I think it is time that you show them what and how ADULTS should act. DON'T and i can't stress enough DON'T, rant and rave, threaten or curse at them. Let them know under no circumstances that you are on there level of maturity. Let them know that what they have done is devastating and it is NOT something to be proud of. They have chosen their actions and now you have chosen yours. Don't let them know what you mean by that and just walk away CALMLY....ALWAYS CALMLY! I know that will be the hardest thing you have ever had to do. But do it. Then have no contact with either of them. Take this time for yourself to cry, scream whatever. But get it out so that you can get a clear head, and DON'T MAKE ANY MAJOR DECISIONS until you can think clearly. NEVER MAKE ANY MAJOR DECISIONS UNTIL YOU ARE NOT SO ANGRY ANYMORE. It may take a few days or a few weeks, but don't make any contact until YOU ARE OK!

You are right!! This is a case of extreme betrayal and there is no excuse for it. But this is where you are. It is now time to move ahead. I suggest that you do a couple of things.<P>1. Tell your husband that he is not to see her again under any circumstances.<P>2. Make an appointment with a minister or counselor to discuss this, alone at first and then with your husband. <P>3. Determine if your husband wants to work on your relationship.<P>Now, here is the hard part. Start Plan A. Refuse to give in to your anger and become the best wife you could possibly be. Deposit Love Units into your husband's bank as fast as you can. You have the advantage over this woman in that you know what your husband's likes and dislikes are. The hardest thing to do in this situation is to say no to your own feelings and do what is best in the long term. If you must scream, throw a fit, or whatever, do it in private, but do not give in to your anger which is telling you to attack. <P>I think that you came here for help and so this is my advice. I know that it will not be easy, but I know that you can do it and in the long term, the dividends will be worth it. <P>In regard to your brother, he should be glad that he found out what kind of person his fiance is before they were married. I would suggest that he get as far away from her as possible.<P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You.<BR>John

{{{{{{Tucci}}}}}} I am SO sorry for the pain that is in your heart right now. Ther are better folks than I to offer advice, but I will pray for you and your family.<BR>One thought...be careful what/how you tell your son...with all this in the family, it will be hard to shelter him. But, he needs to know that his dad is a human that makes mistakes, not an evil villan (regardless of hoe you feel right now). As hard as it is, try to let him keep good feelings for his dad (NOT for what his dad may do, but his dad as a person)...he will need that for his own grounding and self-image.<BR>I know it hurts, so badly. My thoughts are with you. Hugs-<BR>Kathi

Tucci, I am so sorry you're going through this. Its awful, the most horrible experience a human can endure. We've been there and understand.<P>trying2_4give - my husband laughed in my face, even spit in my face several times. And he says he loves me.

Tucci - What a painful situation for you. I really feel for you that you're going through this.<P>But I want you to know that did the right thing the way you found out. Frankly, I'm even impressed at the way you really took the bull by the horns, so to speak! Good for you! Now both your H and the OW know that you know about their little affair, and so something's got to give.<P>Painful as knowing for certain is, you're really in a position now to insist that your H choose between her and you. And now that they've been "outted," you can also see a couples counselor specifically around this issue. And, as several people have recommended, if you want to use Dr. Harley's methods, there's a lot of support here for that and people here have a lot of collective experience.<P>Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

Tucci<P>I understand your feelings. Like Kam6318 said, you must not say bad things in front of you son. A do not aloud anyone else to put him down.<P>I to was faced with a betrayal by my H. My ILs knew about the affair when my H told them. (The OW had a child supposely from my H.) I told my ILs that under no circumstance were they to tell or say anything to our two daughters. They could say what they wanted when they are not around. I have never down graded H to his face or when talking to my personal friends. I am showing him that even tho he had an affair, I was going to be the bigger person by not arguing or fussing with him.<P>I have develop an inter peace about myself. I have really gotten into the bible and into walking. The walking help me to vent my frustrations and to talk to my GOD.<P>SO stay strong and keep the faith. Know that you did not do anything wrong--HE did. It always seem darkest before the rain. And the sun will shine again. <P>My pastor told me that if my H came to me and humble and ask for forgiveness, then I should forgive him. But if he comes to you in anger and acting like he really don't care, then you know that he is not truely sorry for what he did. Your H has to be willing to change before a change can come.<P>Go luck and GOD bless.<BR>ITS