This is my first post and I'm hoping for some advice from people who've been there.<P>My husband has been having an affair off/on for the last 61/2 months. It's on again and now he wants a permanent & legal separation. Fancy legality for saying he doesn't want to sue himself for divorce. We've been married for 15 years and the OW lives next door and is still married and living with her H. The last 6 months of my life have been horrible, I've tried everything - Plan A, and whatever he suggested but nothing was good enough everytime the OW called he jumped! I'm trying to face facts - I can't make him want to work things out but despite all the cheating and lying I still love him.<BR>How do I learn to let go and manage to hold it together for our 3 children. Now that the separation is inevitable - He's still living at home sleeping on the couch and refusing to actually leave until he has a signed paper stating he has joint custody. I don't want to give him joint custody I feel that if he wants to be important to his children he should stay - AM I just trying to be controlling? Sorry for my ramblings, sleep is not all that easy to do right now. In short how do I learn to let go AND manage to keep our 3 children - I don't want to prevent him from seeing them I just don't want him to have the 'title' joint. His main purpose for this he says is to prevent me from moving out of the city if I get relocated. The funny thing is if I don't move I lose my job and then how do I support 3 children? Sorry there I go ranting again.<BR>Any Advice out there?

SadWife,<P>If your husband wants some kind of legal separation, let him worry about it. It doesn't sound like you want a separation, and therefore there is nothing controlling about you not cooperating with him on this. Because your husband feels like seperating at this time, doesn't mean the seperation is inevatable. <P>Sounds like your not having too much fun right now, I now how you feel. What helped me get through those types of times is to just take things day by day. Don't try to reason with your husband or argue with him over what he should or shouldn't be doing and don't let him pressure you into doing things you don't want to be doing. He's living in a fantasy world right now and won't see anything but his fantasy future with other woman. <P>If you haven't done so yet, try to read some books on affairs. Dr. Harley's book that can be ordered off this site "Surviving An Affair" is a good one. It really helps understand what's going on with your husband and what he affair is all about. <P> Don't let your husbands threats about child custody scare you. It sound to me like he is the one that should be worried about losing custody, not you and that's probably where his threats are coming from. You also should consider talking to a counsler. Steve Harley is good at dealing with Marraiges suffering from an affair and you can also contact him through this site. <P>Take care of yourself and learn as much as you can, eat right and rest when you can, and pray.<P>Good luck and much strength to you.