Me, too. I'd love to give you a real hug!

It's clear he takes after his mama!

Thanks for the kind thoughts Queenie. One of mom's neighbors is going to attempt to get out today to get some groceries.

And the doctor seems to think that she can wait until the snow is gone for treatment. So I'm thankful for that.

She has plenty of food and the power is still on. She was so sad about all of her beautiful plants this morning because the snow is so heavy on them, but then was very thankful that she has it so good compared to so many others.

Sounds like your son has been raised on the right path. G_d bless his little heart.

Hi Queenie,


You bet.

Wow! You seem to have had MEAN weather around your parts, but you seem to have a handle on things.

t/j to B,

I would think that it must be tough to be so far away and not be able to help your mom, but I see that you are doing the best you can to do so from a distance.

I am so grateful to be part of such a great bunch....doing what we can...and helping and encouraging each other.

Yes!!!
Living each day by the power of HIS love...!!!

I am so happy that you got to see this!!

A.

Queenie, I just dropped by to say
:happyhanukkah:

Thank you for your support. I hope that you and your boys are safe and warm. I am happy that you can be together. Your YS did really well when he helped the people stuck in the snow.

My DD just emailed this to me.....

I have the most amazing children.

Dad... wow i haven't said that in a while,

I need to be honest with you, My heart is broken and as of right now I cant bring myself to see you. You have always been my father and will for ever remain that man in my life. but so much tragedy and pain has brought me to this place. my love for you will never die but the flame right now is very dim.

I've recently found help for myself, gotten my self back in the right state of mind and really worked on my demons that i had in my closet. My relationship with mom has grown stronger and more powerful then either one of us could have known. I watch her pain as she longs to be your wife still on how she deeply wants a family with you again. i know that neither could happen as the months leads to years.

we as kids have tried to help her move on in every way that we can but we have hit our own road block. OS deeply earns for a father that he can once again trust and rely on. he feels that you have lied to him and broke your trust that the two of you had. Dad you were our rock that held this family together. you know us more than mom did and to have our trust and best friend do something more hurtful than life it self at this point is harder to bear.

I know you pain for your boys and YS is the one giving you a chance, but OS is deeply hurt and you know how stubborn he is cause face it dad he is just like you.

Him and YS got into a fight several months ago and when YS called me crying i called OS to see what was wrong. he said he was leaving and couldn't take it anymore that YS looked to much like you and that he sounded like you. out of anger and shear brutality i said just run away like dad. you cant image the pain that this family has been through and the amount that is still coming. you werent at Os's graduation and no amount of power can change that. Mom always says that G*D has a place for you and that you will find your way home when your ready. I have faith that the man that you are right now isn't my father.

This man that you stair at in the mirror isnt you, cause the man that held me so close when i was little and wanted the world for me would have never brought this much pain to my world. I'm hurt and for my heart to mend i need time. talking to you over the internet is fine cause i feel that your far enough away and yet still right there. I have alot of trust issues and though all of this i have learned to deal with my self. you might not be able to make it thourgh to OS but YS hasn't lost hope in you.

please dad i beg you find G*d and listen to him. the last time i wrote you my feelings i felt that you didnt listen, i'm pouring my heart to you. i was raised to speak my feelings and to respect those who deserve it. Dad my respect for you has been lost and the respect for your girlfriend is not there. your right i have no place to call her names and to say mean things without knowing who she is. but in all honesty i dont want really ever meet her. i'm sure what ever you saw in her was something that you needed. but the way in which you conveyed that to mom was wrong. I've always been scared to tell you the raw thoughts in my head but im letting my gard down and finally breaking it to you. When i was riding the bus i would see this man get on every morning that looked liked you and it brought me to tears to know that you could maybe be like that.

I love you dad and always will but my heart and relationship with you is broken and right now i'm not sure i want to make it right. I beg you to not let go of YS and to continue to make your relationship better with him. I hope you understand my words, and please dont reply to this. i want you to understand, i need no response. I wish you the best of luck and Happy Hanukkah. I will write to you soon...

I'm speechless and just saddened....

I thought I would process what's going on inside of me on here and get RID of it.

It's tearing me up inside.. My thoughts on what precipitated such a letter from DD are driving me insane.

I knew that DD and WH were in contact again, and I imagine that he tried to push a meeting between them all. How can WH defend OW to my DD, to say she has no right to call her names.

He is a fricking IDIOT..... :twobyfour:

What does he think that his kids are going to welcome him with open arms for destroying their family, from ripping them from their house and staying away for months and months on end. For continually putting his enjoyment with his crack ho before anyone else and then makes his move and HIS children are to RESPECT a tramp that breaks up their family?

I know he is a jerk. :crosseyedcrazy: I guess that it just reinforced the "happy" couple are moving along in life and he is wanting to do whatever the monster conjures up in his sick head.

I liked DARKNESS better... Information is NOT BLISS or healing to me....

Exactly! I like your thinking....Its a beautiful letter from your DD. You should be proud of her. I don't like the way it portrays you though....as just waiting around waiting while he enjoys his crack ho at your expense and your childrens. But then again, you didn't write it.

I truly hope your WH can see the light and rebuild his R with your children, but as far as you're concerned, IMO its way too late. I hope you'll have the strength to see this. You have many years ahead. Go out and live them! You have endured way too much with this man

Merry christmas

Keep working on me My and I just might get there sooner rather than later. :twobyfour: Even in the letter, it's clearly a monster that everyone knows exists today.

I won't go there... But the thoughts are still there. FOR NOW... :crosseyedcrazy:

I'm out enjoying life... OK, not recently with the weather and all, but I'm moving on. :RollieEyes:

Thanks Why for stopping by. I really appreciate the kindness and support from everyone so much.

:happyhanukkah: and :happyholidays:

((((((((Queenie))))))))))))

Hey girlfriend....that was an INCREDIABLY touching letter your daughter wrote. It showed how well YOU are doing even in the face of the adversary WH and CH have put in your life...be PROUD. Chest up and head out.....as mimi would say.

And honestly for me, to see how well you ARE handling even a little of info on WH is AMAZING...remember just a few short months ago how something like this would drain you, send you out REALLY bad. Of course anything related to WH is going to hurt you, but you are coming along so well...I am most proud of YOU.....

Honestly, your growth is nothing short of a miracle G-d has done to you and your family....

I love you HONEY and :happyhanukkah:

not2fun

Your welcome, you I think the reason you're not as far along as most would be is because you view your WH as having a sickness. You think of it as having to honour your vows of 'in sickness and in health'. Did you ever consider that maybe he is happy? Now WE can't possibly imagine this because we do not share his wayward values, but to him it is.

You know you never vowed to honour and wait for your WH while he lay with a crack ho! That is his cross to bear, not yours! I think the sooner you stop thinking of your WH as a fogged out zombie, the better. Not all fall into this category unfortunately. People change as we've heard here recently and its not always for the better.

The best gift you can give yourself is a happy life. Do you want to be here at 70 regretting all the years you wasted on this loser? We are here for a good time not for a long time. Get out there, start dating, let this loser see that you are not waiting for him. Yes I said dating! Have a man take you out, treat you well......maybe you'll realise what your missing.

You know if anything at this stage would 'wake' your WH up it would be this. But I have to be honest with you, he's had his chance....there's way too much hurt there now, your M would never work.

Please stop seeing this as you trying to be his saviour by holding on for him. He has chosen not to be saved! Nobody is going to thank you for wasting your life, certainly not your children. Let your rebirth be a shining example for them to follow, and a lesson to them NOT to settle for or put up with abusive people in their lives..........

Queenie,

I'm glad that your DD doesn't accept the crack-ho. Unfortunately, too many WS's throw away their families in favor of the AP. Very sad.

What is the status of your M? Are you legally separated? I know that you are not D'd, but wasn't sure where it stood.

Dating? I'm not quite there yet. I definitely want the D final before I even think about it. Since it doesn't look like either one of our spouses will return, we should start at least considering the possibility.

Why would you want your WH's back? Surely the respect has long gone? I want you both to really think about this question! Maybe some individual counselling is needed to address what it is about yourselves make you even want this? You both deserve sooo much better. That is my mission, to make ye realise this.......

I'm game if you are on this one. I don't necessarily disagree that I deserve much better and to be honest, I really am looking at what you are writing. If I could have you be a BIT more patient in understanding that this IS helping me to continue letting go or at the very least make the decision to file for D.

Chai, I am legally separated and to be honest, since I have NEVER had a relationship with any other man than H, dating certainly intrigues me. I know I'm about to get :twobyfour: for this, but I would be lying if I wasn't honest about that.

I actually do think of him as sick. You see, Vladi, I can call you that by now, can’t I. WH IS an addict/alcoholic who is living in a dry drunk. I am POSITIVE of that. This A didn’t make him an addict, he was already that, and all this has done is brought the disease into full force and totally active in his life.

Yes I do, but also to a POINT. I actually KNOW he believes he is HAPPY. And how I know this is because I KNOW how unhappy he was in his life. The piece he hasn't figured out is whose job it is to make him happy. NOT MINE....

I also know it’s none of my business to judge what makes him happy or not. I had to learn that along the way, that it is a DJ to assume he isn’t happy, he absolutely believes he is happy and building something based on trust, openness and honesty with her.

This is where I get caught, believing that he is in fact in a midlife crisis and has changed because of many factors and given enough time he will change back.

I gotta say I like this thought. Remember that letter was from my DD, I didn’t ask her to put in those things, she did. I really want to emphasis I am NOT laying around the house moping and waiting for him to come home. I am living life, enjoying it actually quite a lot, laughing, living, and moving forward.

I need help here, because even though it seem so obvious to others, that abusive part, I just can’t wrap my mind around or how it impacts my life. But with everything else, I have faced things head on and I will this.. One thing I know G-d has revealed things to me as I can handle them and I believe he will continue to do so.

Right now I see you as a voice of opposite reason if that makes sense and really need your input. You see through the trees and I’m just not there yet, BUT SO MUCH CLOSER….

Believer, how is your mom? DId she get the supplies and help she needed.

The weather is supposed to take a break until Christmas Eve.. I'm praying for her B.... Let me know if there is anything I can do.

Not, you are so right. This would have killed me at one point, but it just stings and then it's over.

What I realized as I read the letter to a MB friend over the phone was that my DD basically wrote WH a child's version of PBL. Oh yes, I am one proud momma. She puts things in there that I would NOT have been able to do.

What impact this has is in G-ds hands. I'm just so grateful that I am healed enough to continue to see my life WITHOUT that person in my life.

How are YOU, Not?

Hi Queenie,

Yes, I'm still alive. Your heart seems to be having a hard time standing up to your mind lately. I read My's post and part of me screams the same sentiment. All this being said, you have been around here long enough to know that the only debate that matters is the one between your heart and your head. Do not let your inhibitions get in the way though... you have proven to yourself and many others that you are more that cabable of making a very good life for yourself by yourself. You can't save him Queenie and I worry that this is what keeps you holding on. This is one situation you know you cannot fix. And no, I do not beleive that this is a punishment from God. Look at your life before the A and consider that this was his way to save you. B needed to find out who Queenie was, and you have done that. Will your H heed his call? You know that there is only one person that can answer that. You can be happy Queenie, but only you and your actions will determine how to get there, and if it's without your H, then so be it.
:happyhanukkah:
with love and prayer...

Hi Queenie,


...as you should be!

Seeing your daughter able to communicate 'boundaries' to her own Dad, and call abuse for what it is.... are healthy tools to have...and will help her make 'healthier' decisions in her life.

...and where, may I ask, do you think she got the idea of identifying and communicating 'boundaries' and write her own version of a PBL?

...as they say, the apple does not fall far from the appletree!

Stay on course, Queenie.

Queenie taking care of Queenie.

Some day, you will truly relinquish this entire situation to God. Right now, I see you holding on, and I'm concerned about WHAT you are holding on for.

This man is broken, in ways that you cannot fix; you could never fix. Sure, you can wait it out, hope the affair crumbles, and that, over more YEARS, your WH finds his way back to God and his family. I wonder how much of your precious time you will be wasting on HOPE alone, that he will turn around. I suppose it is entirely possible that he could change again, into a better man, a good man. I just have my doubts, based on my own experience and the experience of those on this forum who have separated/divorced.

Trust me when I say that it takes a strong will to recover a marriage, more than just Plan B tenacity. It takes TWO strong wills to do so. I just don't believe that your WH has that. the Z did not, or chose not to. I believe you do, but it would prolly be wasted effort.

Now, it seems that you have strengthened your relationships with your children, and THAT is one of the greatest gifts a parent can receive. :happyhanukkah:

(((((((Queenie))))))
Just stopping by to tell you that I am sorry you felt frustrated. I hear your pain!. You should be very proud of your D, she pour her heart in the letter.


Are you confusing me with angie1????

Angie
P.S. I love you my friend!!