Lildoggie,I am getting stronger each day and its slowly sinking in.....that said,I've done a lot of praying and thinking and I'm going to continue to stand for my marriage..if that makes sense.
I put my trust and faith in God...sincerely

I have told my mom and sister this to ..my mom understands as she is a Christian, although my sister doesn't believe in God.

I feel that I can't be a hypocrite and only have faith in God when it suits me.Some might think that I'm in denial,I understand that.I see it as believing and trusting God that He will keep his promises.....

I've been wondering why WH wanted to think about coming home and then he goes and marries her!Do you think it was pre-wedding nerves or what?

It is exactly 2 years now to the month that the affair has been going on.Now that they are married do the statistics still stand....that only 5% see the light of day?

I am going to stay in plan B cos I don't think that I'll be able to face him right now...

Oh my goodness - that was unexpected!

The statistics are that only 5% get married and of those, 75% end up divorced. Your WH is not making very good choices.

How will this effect your finances?

Believer I was totally shocked.My boys were told two days before the wedding on the friday..they married on the sunday!
I'm wondering if this was a spur of the moment thing!

It shouldn't affect my finances as the divorce papers covered all that.I just can't believe that he would add more stress to his life....I feel sick in my stomach when I think of them being married.

What do I do now?...I will still pray for him...

Isn't there a song or quote that goes something along the lines of "fools rush in where angels fear to tread?"

They are trying madly to make it right and make it work.

They will fail.

It could quite possibly hasten the demise of the A. He did nothing to recognize the issues that caused the original A, so those things will remain to haunt him.

Chin up, Hope, you are a woman to be admired. ETA: his failures and shortcomings are not yours.

Fox

Well, I imagine the OW pressed for a quickie wedding. YIKES! How stupid can WH be, marrying so close to the divorce? It sounds like she has all the control.

For you, just continue making a good life, and watch to see what happens next.

This has got to be a heart-breaker for you right at Christmas. So sorry. We've been talking about the waywards who COME HOME at Christmas, and here your WH gets married!

I'm glad to hear that you think this marriage might fail,Wildhorses...
I think whats keeping them together is that they work together....WH will like that and see it as support.DS16 has been telling me these last few weeks that OW IS A DRAMA QUEEN AND CRIES ALOT FOR NOTHING!Now it makes sense to me...

WH has told me in the past..its just a piece of paper...maybe he's looking at this marriage in the same light?

I'm at work now (18h30pm) but please continue to post to me and I'll pop in when I can...I would love to hear what you have to say.I don't think this is text book behaviour?

Yes, fools rushing in. Won't be much of a honeymoon because they will each start showing their true colors. What a mess! I mean, who gets married that close to the divorce being final?

Hope, I see it as a desperate move. Desperate moves are not well thought out.

HE has not healed and he will make the SAME mistakes, if not worse mistakes than what he made with you.

He is not healthy enough for a good marriage right now, therefore it will fail. Even if they do not divorce - it will be a failure. You cannot build a loving and lasting marriage when its foundation is based in lies, deceipt, and pain.

Until he makes amends and repents, you will forever be the ghost whispering in his ear about what he has done. No effort is needed from you - he will keep you on his shoulder as his conscience. OW will see you there and she will have her own ghost on her shoulder.

They can only pretend for so long.

Fox

I don't think he has a conscience...but the fact that he hasn't told his one sister tells me that he doesn't want to face reality....this sister let him know that she didn't approve of what he was doing in the affair..

I don't know how to behave towards him now...I think I will stay in a dark plan B.Do I let him know that I still care for him?..maybe in a letter?..or do I do nothing.

I would suggest doing nothing. This is his path and he must learn his lessons without you.

The fact that he is hiding from his sister tells us that he has a consience. You may not see it, but he has one. He IS human and you loved him for a reason.

He has demons in his own mind - those demons he created.

Give him room to learn what he needs to learn.

Stay dark, Hope, and take care of you. What is that YOU want from life? What makes YOU happy? What brings a smile to your face? What relaxes you?

This life is YOURS - find out who YOU are.

Fox

Thanks Wildhorses.....

I was getting on with my life quite nicely...and then he wanted to consider coming home,he got my hopes up....now I am gutted...AGAIN..

I will try to continue with my life and hopefully I will heal quickly from this....

If he has a conscience,how can he be happy/it doesn't make sense...I think he has blocked out our life together.His mom and other sister were down here on holiday(they are accepting of his affair)...I bet OW took advantage of that and pushed the wedding...dunno

When I get home tonight I'm going to tell the boys that I don't want to hear one word about WH or OW.

BTW...his sister that he never told,told me that she occasionally chats to her mom by phone and that his mom was still concerned about his drinking....she lives far from him..so she can only know this by him phoning her when his drunk....

Maybe thats his conscience his trying to drown.DS18 told me it was very informal and he was the bestman...in his jeans and t-shirt!!I feel so for my kids to have this sprung on them ...they always said that they wouldn't go to the wedding if they got married.

I will have to keep an eye on DS16 as he hates the OW...

It is fantasy, addiction, and denial. He's pretending. That can only last so long.

Drowning the conscience, trying to keep it at bay. He's escaping.

He knows, Hope.

He knows.

Let him hit rock bottom - it is the only way to make him see what is UP.

Keep an eye on your kiddos, they were caught in a bad situation. DS16 may need to talk about it.

Get back to taking care of you and making a life for yourself. It will take some time for your WH to straighten himself out. Don't hold yourself back from your own recovery by waiting for him.

I know it hurts and I am not discounting that. My WxH's OW is scheduled for a final hearing Feb 17. I fully expect they will be married soon after. Desperately trying to normalize the "relationship."

My life is not about him anymore. This will be my 3rd Christmas without him. I am much happier than I was even in the M. I get to be ME - and laugh and love to my heart's content instead of holding myself back because WH was not enjoying what I was enjoying.

Take care, Hope. You are worth it.

I so hope you are right....he always said he didn't want to get married again,throughout the affair... as I did ask him....

I find it hard to see it as a fantasy after 2 years..is it really still an addiction/fantasy?

This is also my 3rd christmas...he left 6th dec 06.
I often wonder if he wasn't caught out in the affair if it would have lasted..but its too late for "what ifs"...

I think so. Some can hang on to the fantasy for quite some time. I think they do so to protect themselves from their own behavior and having to deal with it.

If they admit what they have done is wrong, they have to look inside themselves. That will be painful as they have no one to blame but themselves.

My WxH is a stubborn and prideful man. There was also a core goodness in him.

That goodness and that internal awareness of right and wrong is what will continue to haunt him.

His pride and stubborness will continue to maintain the A as long as it can. When it becomes too painful and uncomfortable to bury it, he will break. And the A will end.

It takes some longer than others to give in. I see the "fantasy" part of it as more like "denial." They just refuse to see what IS.

With the drinking, your WH is trying to escape HIMSELF, IMO.

Hope,

I just caught up on your thread and I too am in shock. A month ago my bet was that he would return home. I'm so sorry you are hurting. It's every BS's worst nightmare.

Please, pick yourself up and let him go. Don't try to analyze this trying to find answers that you may never get. Ask yourself - do you REALLY want this guy back after he left you for another woman and married her? Hope, that would be very hard to get over. I don't know of any M that has really worked after something like that. Maybe there are some out there, but my guess is that there are not many. Leaving for the OP is one thing, but M her is another.

We love you and will be here for you....