Hiii!!!
Im T2l's DD17.
my mom asked me if i wanted to post, i don't know how many times ill actually check it but she thought it would be a good idea i'm on here..
me and my dad were very close.. my dad was a very good father and great friend to me.. i was even sometimes closer to my dad then i was to my mom. ,and my dad always had little funny inside jokes.. and sometimes would always laugh at her habits of being a health freak lol. I wasn't really sad when he did this i was just in shock because i didn't think he would actually do it.. but in my mind a couple months before i saw it coming.. i knew wayyy back in January that my dad was snooping around with someone else.. and i tried to tell my mom but she tried to think the best.. and yelled at me for saying such a thing..
I was the daughter who everyone was jealous of because me and my dad were so close and had such a good relationship.. every one of my friends would love to hang around my dad because they're fathers left them too, or didnt pay attention to them. he was such a good dad to me.. he was a dad to my friends as well.. he was such a good person..

what i think about my dad is hes dumb.. i HATE THE FACT THAT HE DOES SAY SOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT MY MOM HAS DONE WRONG AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER OR WHAT SHE NEEDS TO DEAL WITHIN HERSELF..
AND HE IS THE ONE TELLING ME THAT HE HAS THINGS THAT HE NEEDS TO DEAL WITHIN HIMSELF AS WELL. so obviously there are things that are wrong with him.. but he still says things bad about my mom..
and i give props to my mom for everything she has done.. and if i were to put myself in that position i dont know what i would do... the things shes told me she has had to deal with and wheni see her cry its very sad..i dont know how someone could be soo selfish.. its not right..


i cant stand the kind of people who are repetitive and say the same thing all the time over and over.. so on christmas eve he text me and asked if we had opened gifts and i said yeah and he said "well i could have been there if you guys would have got over yourselves" and it set me off.. because it dumb that he would even try to say he would come over in the first place and second of all why do we need to get over ourselves???? hes the one who did this not us...

I have told my dad to listen to make an attempt to talk to the IM's and he always says " this is your moms stupid control GAME" and shes a control freak and i will never ever listen to her.. "this is the repetitive thing i was talking about" everytime i try to get anything truthful across his microscopic little brain, he gets mad and says its "my moms fault" or "shes a control freak" this is why ive been snapping so easily... it gets realllly old reallly fast...

I don't really want to limit my contract with him just yet because it would just be too easy for him.. if he just gets left alone.. yeah he will get mad.. but he will get the easy way out just by saying "BLAH BLAH BLAH" MY KIDS DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ME ITS NOT MY FAULT... and i wanna be able to say what i want to him and get him irritated because like my mom says it shouldnt be easy for him.. and i want to make his life hell( just for now)


I don't really think about my dad too much.. my mom on the other hand thinks about him a lot obviously.. but i dont.. i dont ever let things get to me or get to the heart, because if that person says they love you and care about you so much..but can go and do this to you!!! im the only one who can say whatever i want and he cant do anything about it..during the day my dad is not on my mind or how my family is broken.. just think about things day to day and other first priorities because he obviously didn't think about us so i think its only fair i don't think about him either because its a waste of time to me.. my mom asks me why do you think he did this or whats he thinking.. and i simply tell her i don't know because im not crazy and i don't know how a crazy person thinks..so im just happy little me living day to day not worrying about much at all..

Hello My lil foofey! I am so proud of you and happy you are able to post!

You rock Miss Thang, Momma loves you lots!

You are a very brave young woman for standing up to your father like you have.

It is also very disrepectful of him to put you in the middle of this like he keeps doing. Any father that would selfishly drag his daughter into that is not acting in a loving way.

Keep your chin up, and believe God's promise that He is working all this out for good.

Hi T2LDD-

I just wanted to say I think you have a pretty good take on this whole situation. Isn't it interesting how your dad sounds a lot like a spoiled teen-ager complaining about his parents?



The thing is, your dad knows deep down in his heart that he is doing something wrong. That's why he is trying so hard to blame your mom and you guys (the whole "get over yourselves" thing). It's just like those kids at school who do dumb things and try to get others to either go along with it, or agree with it because they don't want to feel bad about it. The trouble is, your dad isn't a high school kid who maybe needs to learn to know better. He DOES know better. My XH actually told my OS who was 17 at the time to "man up" when DS challenged him on XH's reasons for leaving the family. Kinda stupid...

That's part of the problem for you also because, no matter how much you try to "get anything truthful across his microscopic little brain" he will get mad. It's because he doesn't want to hear the truth. He wants you to agree with him so he can feel better about doing something wrong.

If you do eventually choose to limit your contact with him, he won't get off easy. Why do you think he is trying so hard to get you to "work on" your mom or agree with him?

With all that said, I wanted to let you know that I think you have a pretty good idea about the truth and where your boundaries are with your dad and your mom.

You really said it best when you said this:

You definitely have a good head on your shoulders for someone who is only 17 and are a blessing to your family.

Hang in there-

johnstwin,

yeah i know it does suck that i am in the middle. i would rather not have to tell my mom anything because she will go on and on about it and not stop talking about it.
and i don't really like hearing about anything i would rather not be in the middle at all..
but my dad will not talk to the IM's he has said this over and over and will NOT do it.
hes very stubborn. :crosseyedcrazy:

(((((T2LDD)))))

You're a feisty young lady - I know why your dad doesn't want to lose contact with you.

Here's the thing that we teach betrayed wives like your mom - don't try to educate a wayward brain.

You're exhausting yourself trying to educate your dad - and you get these repetitive rages from him.

You run the same risk your mom ran by staying in contact with him while he's this way. That is - losing your love for him and losing your ability to receive love from him once he does wake up.

There's nothing you can do.

Someone very wise once told me to not get in the way of a man falling. It is the nature of man to fall. The natural man is an enemy to God - he must put off his natural tendencies to become a godly man.

Your best option is to pray for your father, but get out of his way and let him fall. Protect your heart.

You worry that a Plan B letter from you will get ignored and he'll blow it off. That would be the outward appearance to you that he would want to portray - after all, his pride cannot let on that your mother's shutting him out is getting to him - he would go deeper into his "stuff" if you joined her.

But he'd feel it. I promise you - in those times like your high school graduation, your prom dates, your first day of college - he'd feel it...

Just think about it.

that's funny you say that because just the other day i told my mom that he acts as if he were a little kid..when he doesn't get what he wants he gets mad.. or if someone tells him the truth he flips out..

{{{KaylaAndy}}}

I am starting to limit contact, by not contacting him at all. if he would like to call me i would reply or answer.. and i am also going to stop confronting him as much because that is very true how i should stop trying to educate him because it wont really do anything..

My kids were the same with their dad. They didn't go out of their way to contact him. They understood it wasn't their job to reach out to him. He was the ADULT and the PARENT.

Your dad may be stubborn, and he may resist using the IM's. But, once that's his only option-he may have to cave or really be in the dark. Either way, it's his choice.

Hi there--I'm the mother of Neak, one of the hated, rejected, moronic IMs that blight your poor daddy's life. Do I sound unsympathetic? Well, I AM!! Because of a long-story-which-I-won't-go-into-right-now, we have a wad of kids in this family between the ages of 7-14, for whom personal responsibility is a very dirty word. It's always somebody else's fault. It was an accident. I didn't do it. He/she/it/they did it, too/first/worse. You don't understand. Blah, blah, blah, blah. :RollieEyes:

They've got somewhat of an excuse--severe emotional trauma and extreme juvenility. But what's your dad's excuse for acting the same way? Your mom made him do it? I don't know. I do recognize the same whiny, self-justifying, weenie tone from him that I hear from kids every single day of the week, and it strikes no responding chord of sympathy from me.

He wants to make himself look and feel better by making your mom look and feel worse. Plan B is making it hard for him to accomplish this important goal, so he is attempting to use you as the tool to get it done. You are doing well not to get sucked into his mindset, but I want you to be careful. A person can take only so much of the kind of fish (that would be a "carp", in case you're wondering) he is dishing out before they have to somehow protect themselves from it. Withdrawal. Confrontation. Loathing. Even hate. Don't let him do this to you, because if your parents are ever able to recover, you'll have enough healing to do without adding any of the above to the mix. It was the knowledge of this very thing that kept me from telling Neak's husband just what I thought of him during his own affair. I knew I could never take back anything I said or did, and when it was done I wanted us to be a family again. And we are.

So you do what you need to do for YOU. However much you claim some degree of immunity (as a former daddy's girl, I know this), what he's doing hurts you down deep where you live. As much as your mom doesn't need to know all the garbage going on in his head, neither do you. I hope you'll protect yourself--as needed--from the father who should be protecting YOU, but isn't...until the day comes when he can honestly step into that role again.

tl

This is worth repeating. It isn't your or your mom's job to decide what to do based on whether he WILL or WILL NOT use the IMs. Why? Because that's on his side. Not your side. YOU have set the rules after he destroyed everything. It doesn't matter to you guys whether he wants to 'obey' the rules or not, makes no difference to you if he goes through the IMs; he either does and gets to see you, or he doesn't, and gets left out.

See the difference?

And that's what this is all about, really. He is in a BATTLE. He has no intention of letting your mom 'win' against him. His pride is killing his chance of his kids wanting to be with him. Simple. Pretty sad, really.

The ONLY way he'll ever get out of this alien body he's stuck inside and become your father again, is if he has to fall and fall hard. Realize he may lose you guys. That's not a punishment; it's human nature. He still thinks he can have it all - wife, family, girls on the side.

Being strong, all of you, is the only way he'll fall hard enough to see it.

You are an amazing young woman. Your mom's right to be proud of you. But could I ask a favor? When you do talk to your dad, would you write down what he says, rather than telling your mom? Keep a diary to help yourself work out your feelings, maybe even see a counselor so you'll have someone to talk to, but the best medicine for your mom right now is to have peace and quiet without thinking or hearing about him. She needs some distance so she won't fall out of love with him.

So glad you came here!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I got censored, and it was a perfectly legitimate word, too! Let's just say that it suggested that the persons referred to would NOT be in the top intellectual layer of any class they ever took...and see if I can get away with that!:D

tl

hiya kiddo

{{{{thndrnltng}}}}
Yes i know i need to protect myself...

my dad seems to be the only person who can make me cry and when he gets mad and yells or talks bad about me to my mom or talks bad to me directly, it does hurts.. but since me and my dad had such a good relationship before this all happened, when he gets mad or says things he doesn't mean.. it does hurt but otherwise nothing else really effects me..i don't have abandonment issues like most of us sons and daughters would have, because i know whats going on, and im fully aware of whats right and wrong.. and i know what my dad is doing is NOT RIGHT and i know its more than just cheating.. its other things that are going on inside mt dads head and all the lies he is listening to..
and unlike all us sons and daughters i do not blame myself for what has happen, i blame my dad..

{{{{catperson}}}}

Yes i could do that!
I would rather not tel her anything.. but shes always asking me what he says... and i know i shouldnt tell her, but if i dont tell her sometimes she says "heeeyyy" just tell me "is it bad"??
and i say "am i suppposed to tell you""??
so yeah from now on i can do that because i would rather not tell her cuz lately shes been saying " I HATE HIM"
so yes this would be a great help to make her not fall out of love with him..
thank you for that...

HHHEEEYYY!!

Well, I'm off to bed. Weekends are usually slow around MB--how DARE people have real lives when they could be on the internet chatting?--but there are a lot of very supportive people here that you can use to blow off a little steam when the need strikes. It's safer, and works just as well, as turning jihadi on the person who deserves it most.

tl

Unfortunately, the less you want to be involved in your father's drama; the likelier it is that he will drag you in to it.

My father has all but abandoned us for his girlfriend, and yet he insists on bringing her AND her kids over whenever he shows up. The more you come to blows with him over it the more he's going to try and show you "It really is okay!"

As others have advised, go into your own little Plan B if you feel your love for your father is going south.

We'll have to remind her that she's in PLAN B, not Plan A-1/2 and she's not supposed to be getting info on the spewings of his so-called "brain" from anybody, including YOU!

tl

T2LDD, what an insightful young person you are.. Such wisdom and boundaries. As I read what you wrote, I almost saw my DD saying the exact same things.

I'm thinking we should start a thread for all the darling young people who have so much wisdom and ability to cut to the chase and see through the crap...

Thank you for posting. Be good to yourself..

So far my love for my father has not gone south quite yet!!..
im not sure i will let it go away! i dont ever let things get to me and i feel this is a good habit.. lol
some people think im very harsh or mean, but i blow things off that dont really mean anything to me.. or if anyone trys to mock me (like my dad) i dont let that take me down either..

another reason i dont want to cut my dad off just yet is because i know he is still with his girlfriend, and i looooove the fact that every single time he is with me and my little brother, he is away from her....