Ok so just so you guys know, I am loving having figured out to quote each little section....YES! Sorry I just figured out recently!

Darn right it can be God, and He always uses those really relaxed moments out of the blue because were not trying so hard to hear His voice and it's usually Him.

I would say yes he's probably right as far as using DD17 as an IM. BUTTTTTT, let me ask you this, sorry I am only only page 34 of your thread, but did TST use the IM's? My H is a stubborn butthe@d and refuses vehemently to use them. My IM's, Pep, Neak, and Delean, have said you may not hear much from him but thats okay so I keep sending what ever information I need to and they continue passing it on.

So how on earth am I going to get him to use them? He knows the days and times he is allowed to visit and that's when he comes. So did TST use the IM's? Mine will not.





Yes this is true, it does feel that way. I have to admit at times I do want to know, but then at times I don't.


Yes knowing what he is allowing the enemy to spout out of his mouth is helpful and I have combated it with truth and scripture during my prayer time, so yes I agree here too. And also telling DD17 well this is the truth or whatever the situation calls for.


I will talk with her again, I think what happened the other day was her fault, she got peaved at her dad saying he wanted to be with us to open gifts and so she went off on him and he kept justifying and blaming me. I was crying in the bath tub so that's what she told me and her boyfriend confirmed it too. But she did not have patience I guess and didn't want to hear it.



I am not sure how I could do that, I would love less interaction. Thank God Ws does not say really anything to DS10 that I know of, I think he knows of everything it has caused DS10 so mostly DD17 and him argue.

I keep the kids at church every week and are surround by really only church folks as I moved to this new city 2 years ago for H and I to be closer to church. Pastor has given total access to my children to him at anytime and the kids feel really comfortable doing so.



{{{{{SIGH}}}}} Yes I know, I just can't see recovery, its so very hard to see it the longer it goes on. Tomorrow is 6 weeks in Plan B. I did not cry yesterday, but I have to say i was pretty mad. I sat there at thought ya know I have stood by your side and raised your kids full time, I was there through food banks, repossession, eviction, bankruptcy EVERYTHING! And for my faithfulness I get nothing and OW gets Christmas presents from him, I can't tell you how that hurt! And then today he gets to swoop in and act "like" a father and it makes me really annoyed.

I really wish I could inflict pain and ruin their relationship and make him feel what I am feeling.

I know the bible says we don't wrestle with flesh and blood but with principalities and powers, but UGHHHHHHHH, I can only do one day at a time, I barely can see more that one day at a time.

Really, anytime you and TST think of anything send it down, stories sound really similar, actually PM and AJ and Neak and Pep and Mr. Pep and Lildoggie and Flick. Really anytime, i feel like I am now in the heat of the battle big time. Anyone who wants to contact me offline feel free, I can get you my email addy.

Okay plan for today, go spend gift cards at the mall in another city since he is taking kids to our mall.

Good morning beautiful Lady!!!!

Its a fabulous, sun shinning day in the 'Naki and our plan is once DD12 has tidied the cave she calls her room, to take the boat out and have a family picinic! Yay!

Anyway, just dived on to get my MB fix for the day and saw your question re: wedding rings. Flick took his off about 2 years ago as it had bent out of shape and was interferring with his work. As i don't wear mine regulary (allergy to gold) I wasnt overly worried. About 2 weeks before D-day he took his into teh jewllers to be upsized and repaired. As I had put on some weight I put mine in too.
He has never been able to answer why he was doing that while in his A.
Anyway, I gave it to him in Plan A and he had it sitting on his dresser at Freds.
He put it back on when he came home in the FR but it was on, off on, off because he 'wasnt used to it".
This time he put it on before he came home and hasnt taken it off yet.
I wore my rings from the time I decided to go into plan A, and guess what... My pressie from him this year was an eternity ring!
Wasnt given to me as romantically as PM's H did, but I like the ring anyway



Have a great day!!!

The kids just left to have their Christmas visit with their dad. Well to say the least it was trigger for me. I have been crying for a half an hour now and crying now! I was planning to hit the mall and I can't stop crying. I am going to try to pull it together and go out and shop. I'm trying. The rat wanted to park his car in my front yard and DD17 said no we'll meet you at the shopping center, thank God. I mean what Flaunt your stinkin car in front of my house all day so I can see it!!!!

I feel like I live in a bloody black hole and I know God but yet I have no answers. I love Him and would never walk away from Him or blame him but I hurt and I wonder things ya know. And guess what even if one day I decided I can't go on anymore I still don't want to divorce him as I do not DS10 to go to their apt. or near her. So its best to stay in this holding pattern for years if I had to so that DS10 could get older. I will protect him at all costs from having to go to that ungodly woman's house and be in her presence.

Truly the weight of this is really overwhelming! I mean tomorrow is 6 weeks dark plan B for the most part. I know and understand the victory that God gave me through Christ, I know these things, but I swear the pain I have overrides what I know is the truth. I feel like I walk in sorrow and not victory. I told the Lord to day I am sick of those at church who try and tell me all the great tips....you are such an attractive person you can go on if you had to,...well no duh.....then they try and help you and they have ABSOLUTELY no clue the pain I have they cannot even comprehend and they want to help.

Then get this, I have another lady at church, for the most part she is nice and does love God, who likes to give me tips who I know is an OW. She destroyed a marriage years back and now they are married and have 2 children and are happy as all get out BUT she doesn't know I know that she is and OW and it bugs the crap out of me when she tries to say you have a call in God aside of Mr. T2L...Hello shut up! You can say that to me because you walked away with some one else's man.

I am sick of crying, I am sick of all of this!!!! I am beyond understanding why my H hates me on top of this all! I truly don't know how you all made it!

I am utterly disheartened really, I am holding on....Great swollen eyes again.....Sorry I need to barf on you all, I hate being a whiner really I do.

Have you talked with your daughter about Plan B for her?

A good strategy for her would be that any time he starts talking about you, she quietly hang up the phone.

He might call her back angry and she can calmly say - Dad - if you want to talk about Mom and the situation there, you have three people she's set up for you to do that. I'M YOUR CHILD - not your therapist. So I'm NOT going to listen to it any more. Any time you bring it up, I'm hanging up. Got it?

If he jumps her case about being disrespectful, quietly hang up.

If he doesn't get the message that way that he HAS to respect HER boundaries too, then she can write him a sweet Plan B letter, then any communication he wants to get to her, HAS TO GO THROUGH THE IM's - snort! True justice for the proud man!

I am so sorry you are feeling down, but don't give up right before the miracle.

I was thinking that maybe it would help your daughter to post a thread here. That is, if she wants to. I know we have heard from several other women's daughters here and it seemed to help them, as an anonymous place to express their feelings.

My youngest just got dumped by his fiance, and he reads here and it comforts him. So far he doesn't feel like posting.

Your husband is using your daughter as a substitute punching bag, since he can't get to you. He doesn't care that, in trying this, he is hurting her far worse. I LIKE Kayla Andy's idea of Plan B for her, too, and referring him to the IMs if he doesn't behave. His buns are already frosted just over the IMs. If she did that, he'd be able to open his own pastry shop!

tl

KaylaAndy, you are BRILLIANT!

T2L, I think you should seriously consider having your daughter do this. It will bring a bit of sanity and peace back for her and for you.

I'm sorry you are having a rough day. You will get through these dark days to the other side.

{{{{{{{{T2L}}}}}}}}

And that's a promise!!!

(((T2L)))

{{{{{T2L}}}}}

Hiiii mama!!!

LOoooove you!!!

Hi my foofey!

T2L, I fear you are yethterday'th duckieth!

Made it through yesterday, was able to finally stop crying and get out of the house. I went to the mall and try to find some things to use for my gift card but didn't get all that much as I wasn't in the shopping mood, but I did force myself out instead of crying all day.

When I returned from the mall DDD17 and DS10 said they had a good visit w/their dad and that H has just called to say he was leaving our city and wanted to say goodbye. DD17 says what do you mean,we left you over 2 hours ago, he said yeah I know, it was a nice day I went to Lemon Park(about a mile from our house) and walked around for a couple of hours. DD17 says oh, okay well see you later dad.

Weird, he stayed at a park and walked around for 2 hours by himself. Why doesn't he go home, I'm sure there are many parks there too.

Anyways, let me all ask you this, so H's mother and 1 brother have come to the support of my H and 2 of the other brothers and families have come to support me. Well I basically Plan B'd the mother and 1 brother. MIL told my H at dday that if he chose Sea Hag he would support him-of course you cheated your whole life- so I told her in PBL that I don't want to talk to her as she could not protect my marriage or my children and do NOT contact me unless you apologize-she is a very stubborn woman so I doubt it will happen. The BIL that isn't supporting told me ON DDAY when i called him crying that what should I have done differently and wasn't very loving, so I sent him a PBL email too. I said you know what when someone reaches out to you for support you certainly don't say that to them so unless you apologize I refuse to talk with you. The family is basically divided and broken bad over this. Split right down the middle.

Anyways the BIL that I have asked for NO contact to has crossed my boundaries twice. The 1st time he added my name to some spam prayer list-i Feel this is manipulation. I quickly emailed and said do not add my name to any list, you are illegally spamming me. Then yesterday I get a call from on e of the BIL's that are supporting me and they say that the other BIL is making a family newsletter and to give me one. WEll the other BIL says NO i am not because they know I have asked for no contract.


The scary part is H is talking to both of them, his mom and 1 brother, I hate this as they are dark counsel and only hurting matters worse.

anyways I was so angry that they are pushing this issue again that I woke up in the middle of the night last night and wrote them a letter. It wasn't exactly all that great, no cussing or meanness just very stern. I told repeated in my email to them that i had asked them for no contact and they need to respect my boundaries. I also said why on earth would you put someone in the middle like that and what stinking planet are you guys living on, the family is broken up! I also gave them a front page story for the newsletter, told them hey why don't you print how MIL broke my computer 7 years ago while watching my kids when H and I were 3000 miles away in Dallas by watching pornography and that my H couldn't stand his mother for doing that while watching the kids and how H said he would never take any advice from her as her life is a complete failure.

I then told them, I don't care what you were told, I may have made some minor changes but I was a darn good wife. I worked overtime trying to make your brother happy but nothing worked because he hasn't been happy since he was a child and I am the one that is being blamed for it. I said God will show the truth and will vindicate me.

Anyways do you think I shouldn't have told BIL that much about H? I know they talk to H a lot. I wonder if he will read the email to him? I mean I said nothing mean in it, even said I still loved him and was holding on best I could to keep my love I just don't want to share anymore. IDK I guess I am worried that they will tell him and he'll hate me even more. I am sorry it is the truth. I spun my wheels doing everything because in hind sight I thought if I did everything surely he'll be happy one day....Nope.

Blah Blah blah, K I'm done....BTW my DD17 is registered at Trying2LiveDD if you want to drop in to her thead...

Holy cow is that good or is that bad??? LOL Translate I'm a lil slow.

Sorry had to hang up yesterday, a mother of the child that my son was playing with came to drop off the sleep over bag. Thanks so much for checking on me.

Sorry I sounded like such a whinny sap yesterday. Dear God no more crying for a few weeks...LOL

T2L - too much drama and trauma for a true Plan B Goddess.

May I recommend a stop by my cafe some time today or the Goddess thread and consider that the WH is not a part of your thoughts or actions today?

I would also add that today is an excellent day to start thinking forward. Thinking about YOU. Who YOU are going to be this coming year, and prepare for it. YOU are someone who is complete and loveable and worth a million all on her own - regardless of whether she is with a man or not.

Time for you to start thinking like that. That is what Plan B is for - to realize just how valuable YOU are - all by yourself.

Take a trip down memory lane, and try to remember what you used to love. As a kid, a teenager, a young adult. What are the things you wanted to do, but gave up because of situations or other people? Did you want to learn how to paint watercolors (that's mine)? Did you want to learn how to play piano? Become a gardener? Learn all about WWII? Whatever it is, sit back and decide how you can go about making some of those earlier wishes come true. Make a plan. Take a few days. And make yourself a commitment to start getting on some of those things starting January 1st.

Ok? Promise me!

I agree, well today the kids and I are going to the celebrate Christmas with the 2 BIL's that support me, so I will be in a very loved and supportive atmosphere{{{{{sigh}}}}}. I am looking forward to it, and the cousins are pretty excited to see each other.
I don't have to worry about anything. MIL is not invited so it'll be just dandy!

On top of all this madness and Christmas, Christmas parties I am really looking forward to the calm of the New Year. Going to get some things anchored down tighter in the Plan B with DD17. Kids and I have planned to go to Disneyland for New Years Even instead of staying home, I am really excited about that as i have never seen the park decorated for Christmas.

Now that DD17 is posting I think I can have her divert daddy more to the IM's. Could you guys maybe drop by DD17's thread and give her responses to give her dad. Here are some of the things he says she may need examples for. What are you guys doing on such and such day can I come see you?(He's been sent a schedule). Tell mom I put the money in the bank. How much money does your mom need.

I thought about this, I am going to ask DD17 to tell him if we are with family, and d=H texts her to respond: Hi daddy, I can't talk right now I will get back to you as soon as we leave. Then he can't ruin our time at my family or In Laws either. he knows we are going to his brothers I imagine he may try again.

I agree and I have been thinking about that the last day or so. There is so much going on just with whats going on and not even including the Christmas madness.

funny you say that, I actually wanted to sit down and write out that very thing. I wanted to start my keyboard lessons and set up the keyboard in my room I just haven't devoted the time to it but I realllllly want to learn. I still want to paint my room so I think I will start choosing colors for that. DD17 and I went to walmart yesterday and found 2 huge collage pictures so we are going to start filling those and adding those to the home. Question, I don't have any pictures of H around, took them all down. The kids have some in their rooms. It was too hard for me to look at all the pictures of us during the summer. So do I have to put pictures of H in my collage?

Anyways I want to start writing more music and hopefully I will be able to record in May as my producer is going to relocate to California. I was flying out to Dallas to record previously.

You have my word I will start thinking about those things. I got a bit sidetracked with not having H around at Christmas and the sorrow of it all that I couldn't really think but the New Year is coming and everything should calm down alot!

If these family members continue to contact you, well, what do you think you have IM's for???

Forward us any email, or if it's verbal, send the info to us yourself, and include an email address.

We will just very nicely let them know that all contact will be handled via IM, if there is important information regarding the children.

That oughta put a stop to most of your troubles in that department.

Hey thats a great idea!!! Hadn't thought of that one.

Hey, it's me Jayne241, I'm logged on differently cus my computer broke and I'm on a new computer that doesn't know my old password. Again.

Yes, I agree, you are still having way too much drama and exposure to WH. I've been trying to figure out a nice way to say it, or hoping someone else would say it first. But I think you are still "enmeshed" or "involved" or something, with WH. He IS still getting a "fix" from knowing that DD17 tells you what he says - it's a way to reach out and "touch" you, to reach out and affect you. And you are still yearning for getting a fix from him - listening when DD talks to or msgs him, asking her what he said, etc. I know it's so tempting, and all PBers stumble at the start, but it's time you stood up and ran true.

You need to be strong. Yes divert any msgs from unsupportive in-laws to the IMs. But also, IMHO don't encourage your DD to tell you anything about what WH says. I know that's tough, you want your DD to be able to tell you anything... but just for a little while, can this topic be off-limits? If there's something she thinks you should know, can she call the IMs and find out?

You should be out and about, having fun, doing things you always wanted to do but didn't have the time or courage, becoming the person you always wanted to be but were too busy trying to hold down the homefront before.

You were dancing, right? Salsa? How's that coming?

*hugs*