No, just tell her you are sure sorry she is upset and leave it at that. Don't try to reason with her and don't allow her to bait you into a fight. And most of all, don't react in FEAR. Just envision that you have infuriated the crack head by bringing in a crowd of onlookers. You ruined her high and she is furious!

DON'T REACT.

Would a reply something like, "I'm sorry you're embarrassed by your actions" be out of place?

You have a much greater chance of paying maintenance if you DON"T expose because you are more likely to get divorced. WE ARE TRYING TO AVOID DIVORCE HERE. [please tell your atty the goal] If your wife gets fired, it will because of HER AFFAIR. You are not obligated to help her hide her dirty secret so she can trick her employer. That is ridiculous.

And I would also point out that your attorney doesn't know how to save marriages, he knows how to FACILITATE DIVORCES. We are trying to save your marriage here, not get you divorced.

I like yours krazy!! Seems mean though.

Home in 20....recorder ready....gimmie something good!!

It's not mean, it's just 100% honest.

This is all her fault.

Nothing you've ever done or said justifies her affair.

Remember the line above. It'll come in handy many, many times in the near future.

Mel
I made that clear when I spoke to my attorney.

wow!!!
W was very calm....she said that everyone got their letters....even his 89yr old grandma. She asked me why I don't confront him man to man. I don't remember my response...it was calm though. She was WAY calm...scary calm. When I got out of the shower she was in her car on the phone.

While I was making dinner for me and D9 she left. While having my after dinner smoke in the garage(and while posting this) she came back. As I type....in the bathroom now....she is still outside in the car.

Is she speaking to the OM at the home of her husband and children?

And are you planning on have a discussion with weinerboy?

You know, I agree. I would follow her suggestion and go out to her car, knock on the window and ask to speak to weinerboy. Tell her she is right, that you should speak to him man to man and ask for the phone.

Tell weinerboy that your W very much would like you two to meet and has asked that you face him man to man. What time can he meet with you tomorrow?

Then once you get it set, politely thank him and click off the phone. Ask your wife to "kindly take her filthy affair talk away from the safe home of you and the children. Ask her to please have a little respect for you all." She can take it her affair talk to the alley where it belongs, but it shouldn't be done in front of you and the kids.

He will get his turn!!!

I just got out of solo MC. W called MC this afternoon!! She said she sounded frantic and was crying. She said she did not sound angry. MC wants me to say this to W if she asks why I did this.....I did not do it to be vindictive....I am fighting for you!!
MC has another husband planning on doing the same thing soon. MC can't wait to see me next week!

I am curious why she wants you two to meet. Does she think he will say "I am sorry for screwing your wife" shake hands and go on with your lives?? He probably wants all this exposure to stop...well thats up to your wife!!

But if you do meet....make sure you have a reliable witness in case it gets ugly for legal reasons.

Enabling uncle just called....read me the riot act. He says I should just move on....I should get some pride....why would I want to be with a cheater....I told him I love my wife and am fighting for her......I told him I was sorry he felt the way he does.

He also said if my wife lost her job he would finance her whole divorce.

Here I am at 5:15 am....no other drama last night. W was gone for a couple hours last night....I believe she was home by midnight. I slept ok I guess just kinda nervous as far as what today will bring.

Just imagine the explosion going on in affairville. And the OMGF is going to have to do some serious self spinning out of this one!

When do your workplace letters hit?

OMGF is on "hold" in their relationship according to OM family member I talked to.
Work mail hit yesterday Mel!!

Carp,

Overall, it was a good day for you and yoru family. I know yo uare nervous, and it may even cause some setbacks. But, as Melody has said on here, this is a war and you need to fight it as such.

You cannot win by staying in your foxhole. Today, you got out of your foxhole and advanced on the enemy. Of course, by getting out of the foxhole, you expose yourself and you can be open to attack and even some wounds.

But remember...you and her both have battle plans. Here is hers:

"I am going to leave him, divorce him, and take everything. If need be. I have an uncle who will help me...and of course, my soulmate (OM) will be there for me." The problem with her plan is that she has almost no odds of making it...even if you do NOTHING! 98% of all affairs end. Out of the 2% that make it to marriage, over 60% of those fail. She has less than a 1% chance of making it with the OM. So, even if you do nothing, odds are very good that they wont make it (and Dr. harley talks about why that is in his books and on this website).

Now, your plan. Your plan is Plan A, and eventually Plan B. These were developed by a world-renowned doctor who has been VERY successful in saving and restoring marriages from the ravages of infidelity. Even if you do nothing, only around 50% of marriages end. So, your odds are better than hers 50 fold...even if you do nothing! And if you follow the instructions of Dr. Harley, your odds double.

Now tell me...if you were outside of this and had money and were going to bet on your wife's plan or yours...where would you put your money?? It is a no brainer!

So, keep up the attack. Stay calm. Dont be baited into discussions or arguments. You are on a mission and do not need to converse about your plan with the enemy (your wife is not the enemy...your WW is!). When she explodes or wants more info, just stand there and look at her like she is speaking in Russian.

One more thing...on meeting the OM...I usually say that it isnt a good idea. Not face to face, as you never know where tempers will go (yours or his). And a flare up between the two of you might not look good in court. Talking to him on the phone? Sure. Tell him that you will do whatever it takes to return your wife to her family and home. That you will not quit on her.

I found out that the couple of conversations I had with the Troll (the OM) really weighed on him. He couldnt understand why I didnt just quit (like he did with his cheating wife). Everytime something bad would happen, or my wife would run...he would rub his hands thinking he had won. But, I would return to the fight...frustrating him! My wife would say he would go from being happy, to very moody (I love that!!).

Remember, in the end, the OM is not your problem! Your WW is. If the WW will go away and your wife will return...then the OM becomes irrelevent.

Anyway, keep us uptodate on things. Good luck. Keep getting intel on what she is upto so you can better plan for counter attacks.

Carry on!

Carp, I am really really proud of you. This has been an amazing story.

This is what exposure does. It causes so many problems that it's no longer fun to have an affair.

Hold tight.

Thx again for the encouraging words everyone!

I called our cell provider and got them to send me detailed bills of both of our last months activities. Problem is....mine goes to PO box...hers goes to the house!

Last night I was just bushed. I goofed with my kids abit but was in bed by 10. I tossed and turned but did sleep ok. I feel better now that I am at work.....I just gotta actually start to do some!!

Mortarman hits on an important point. If you think you will lose your temper, then don't do this. And I always say leave your pistol in the car! But this is a strategy that I have heard from both Steve Harley and Dr Harley. Meeting face to face with the OM and asking "what are your plans with my wife" will shake him up and that is what you want to do. We have even had OPs tell the BS that they were under the impression the marriage was over. In other words, the WS was lying to them. Meeting the OM can possibly clear that up. Tell him that you intend on fighting for your marriage and will not back down.

In your case, he has met you before, but in cases where the OM has not met the BH, it allows the OM to put a real face to a name and see for himself that the BH is not the demon described by the WS.

But as MM suggested, if you think your temper would flare and you will bash his head in, then call rather than visit. There is no way in hell I could visit an OP and keep my temper in check because I know my limitations.

The whole point here is to cause as much conflict as possible for the OM. Make his life hell. Everytime he contacts your wife, call him up. <----that is straight out of Dr Harley's mouth. Don't make it easy for him to destroy your family.

And what about filing that alienation of affection lawsuit? Did you mention they have those in your state?