I realize now for our marriage to work, my sister-in-law and niece MUST move out! This is a boundary that I should have set before my wife and I got married. I didn't. I should have told her that when we (along with our blended family-she has two daughters (11yr & 3yr) and my Son (4yr, get every other weekend and every THU)) can be married without her sister and niece living with us, we would give marriage a shot. But we got married anyway. Now after being falsely accused by my niece (see: Falsely Accused thread), I'm worried what will happen next. My theory that my niece made the accusation against me to take the heat off her has turned out to be true. She was only on "restriction" (if you want to call it that) for a day or so. Her mom took her cell phone away for a day or two, but now she has it back and she's been able to go out and go over to her girlfriend's (yes, girlfriend) house for the night several times since all this happened. Apparently, I'm the only one who can see that! I wanted to point this out to my wife (who didn't believe me to begin with), but just thought it would start another argument. So, I'm remaining silent...in agrivation, but silent. My wife can tell something is on my mind. She's asked me several times. I tell her nothing, but she knows. I just don't want to bring this up until we see a MC on 1/7.

A marriage must be built on honesty. Meet her for lunch and tell her the truth. How you feel. Ask her to work with you to set a new course for the marriage. Offer to call the Harleys; they're great for these things.

Thanks Cat. We're not separated or anything. We (including the SIL and niece) still live together. We talked about it at lunch today. What actually started the conversation we the guilt trip my SIL was putting my wife on. You see, after my niece's accident, my SIL suspended her license to keep her insurance from going through the roof. Since, my wife has been asked to take/pick-up the niece from place to place. Today, my SIL was "reminding" my wife all that she does for my wife. I explained to my wife that she shouldn't allow people to guilt her into doing anything. You do things for people because you love them, not for future guilt trips. I told her I wouldn't say anything (since it didn't have anything to do with me) but I didn't want the SIL (or anyone else) to manipulate her like she was. But, I left it at that was her decision AND something she should work on for herself. Then, we discussed how everything has happened like I thought it would following the niece's false accusation against me...little/no restriction and little/no attention regarding her stealing the meds. I said what has happened can't be un-done and things would never be the same. I'll never allow myself to be in a position where my actions/words could be doubted between my niece and I. I said I'd never be alone with my niece, I'd always make sure someone else was present and it was a shame I had to do that. I also told her that I should have set positive boundaries BEFORE we got married. She looke puzzled. I told her I should have said when WE (she and I) were able to be a family and have a fighting chance THEN we would get married. However, I didn't. She didn't seem to understand and said she and her sister had always been there for each other. I tried to explain that when two people get married, they depend on their spouse for everything...not their spouse and Sister. Anyway, I still don't know where this will go. We're going to see a MC next WED and my wife did say that she had chosen to work out our problems vs. divorce so we'll see. While I'm hopful, I also realize that it's an uphill battle and I'm ready to accept whatever happens. I can only make positive changes for myself, not everyone around me.

Have you read the Boundaries book by Cloud and Townsend?

Have you read anything on codependency-to understand where your wife is coming from?

I've read "Love is a Choice", but not the one you mentioned. She's first got to recognize the problem. For herself primarily and our marriage, second.