She's blameshifting.

But YOU did not invite OM into YOUR lives...she did.

So her logic has no merit.

I hope that '09 is filled with healing for you and your littles.

I hope so as well. All my ww wants to do is party. She has already asked me if I wanted to invite a lot of college friends over for new years eve that I have not seen or talked to in several years. I told her no. I wanted to spend new years with my kids. It is like she wants to live the life we lived in college, and I have grown past that. I have two kids to take care of and a lot of resposibility. She has no sense of responsibility. I don't mind having a party every now and then, if things where the same and there was no OM, but things are in limbo right now. Waiting on papers. What is everyone's thoughts on how she will react when she is served. Do I talk to her about what I did on the day just before she gets served, or do I just let her stew in it?

Yannow...I JUST turned 41, and I cannot even IMAGINE wanting to party...

Lord knows, I can't do it like I used to, but I just don't WANT to...kwim?

Now, a night out, every once in awhile...without kids...yeah...I could totally jump on that train (if the Wookie doesn't mind me cutting up his steak for him...I'm sure I won't know how to act properly w/out cutting up SOMEONE'S dinner).

But the things I thought were fun in my late 20s early 30s, aren't what bakes my muffins now.

How did she get stuck there?

I know OW in my situation is still stuck at a mental age of around 16 or so....why is your waynerd stuck @ college freshman?

Ug. And 40 year old's hangovers hoover WAY worse than 20 year old's.

I do not know how or shy she got stuck there. It is like she has no responsibility even though there are 2 kids involved. Just on Friday 12/19 she was out at her work Christmas party with OM. She admitted to dancing with OM (slow). she drove home drunk again and was hung over all day. Never got off the couch. I am kind of like you I am not interested in partying like that any longer and do not even want to. I would rather spend time with my kids and family, but that has been torn apart. A fun night to me had become getting someone to watch the kids and me and ww going out to dinner have a drink and then to a movie. Maybe once or twice a month. That is not her interest any longer. I do not know where all of this wanting to go out partying, nightclubbing came from. She has never done this during our marriage. Normally on the weekends we would get some movies after we went and got groceries as a family and watch movies if there was nothing else planned.

Stupid, self-absorbed fog babble. All of it. She's a tough one, and I'm not sure even being served will do more than increase her efforts to keep you right where she had you. I also wonder if she is one of those rare waywards that don't ever come out of the fog.

Three is too many for a marriage. Period. You know it and all of us here are clear on it, but she insists she can have an intimate friend on whom she spends more time and energy than with you. And then makes it YOUR fault that OM is coming between you! Incomprehensible.

She will probably redouble her "I love you's" and such after she's served, but you already know they will be as meaningless as those she's been bribing you with all along. FWIW, I think you're doing the right thing.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this nightmare. Hope you and your kids will be able to maintain a healthy parent/child relationship. They're not learning anything good from their mom, that's for sure.

Blessings, hogfan.

I will ensure that my kids and I maintain a healthy/productive/learning/teaching realationship. I will not let anything come between that. I do not know what she will do after being served, but my gut tells me that it will be all of the I am sorry's like with OM1. Although some days my gut tells me it could be an I do not care because whe will think that she is free to do whatever she wants to whenever she wants to. I can invision my kids being left at whoevers house while she goes out partying, I hope I am wrong, but right now I can see thta happening. My ww has always been the light of my life and I had always intended on spending my life with her because I was totally committed to her and building a lasting relationship and family with her. I did not let her blame me for what she has done. I simply told her I am not the one who is doing this. I am not the one that quit counseling, I am not the one texting another woman, I am not the one going out partying with OM, I am not the one wanting to go out nightclubbing, I am not the one telling all of the lies, keeping the secrets, and hiding things. She just replied with you are doing this. I do not nor will ever know where she is coming from. When I look at her she does not even look like the woman that I married. She does not carry herself like she is married or even act like it, and in looking back she has not in a long time.

Well, Here we go again. WW just sent me a txtsaying "just wnated to let you know I was thinking about you and I luv you". I guess that I am in the txting circles now. Also she left me a message while I was gone to lunch. same ole same ole. She just has not clue what I am fixing to lay in her lap. I truly believe that she thinks I would never do it. I did return her call not to be rude. she told me that she thought that we could go out and eat one night this week since the kids are not going to be around. what is she up to? While on the phone with her I heard her phone go off. Either an incoming or outgoing txt. I looked at her phone bill last night. even though she has taken the details of who she txts off it still shows how many in a billing period. In the last 28days there have been 1130 txts to and from her phone. I am not even sure a teenager txts that much. But none of it is really going to matter in a few weeks.

That's 40 texts a day! Yikes!

That is what I thought, and when does she have time to work. Exposure did not help on the work front. I guess that just do not care as long as work gets done. When I was talking to her onteh phone and I heard her cell phone go off, it really ticked me off. That kind of stuff is what makes me want to pack my bags, tell her that I have filed and just leave. It would be a good time because the kids are not around, although my attorney has told me by no means do I leave.

Did you make a copy of the bill?

No one can justify 40 texts a day - every day.

I don't care if she were a doctor, there is just NO WAY.

I can make a copy of the bill. What would the copy of the bill do for me? I also at 3:13PM just received an email from my ww saying that she was thinking about me and it had an I love you attachment on it. What the he77. Do you think that she may be getting suspicious that something may be happening. I was pretty distant over the holidays. Last night when I was taking the dog out she was like where are you going, then a few minutes later she came out. I read somewhere about 50 signs of an affair. One of those was they ws gets distant and then another was that sometime they will not let you out of there site. So far today there has been an i luv you txt, and i luv you email, and a message at lunch. I am staying my course. Just being distnat. I did respond to her email with thank you so I would not look rude. Did I do the right thing?

lol, you must not have a teenager in the house!

hogfan, you're doing fine. Stay the course.

Looks like I have a teenager in the house or at least a very sick adult. How do I handle these emails, txts, messages. Just stay distant? I really wonder if she is being suspicious? She seems to start being a little concerned. Wanting to go out to dinner, asking what we are going to do about this and that, wondering what I am doing, etc.

Personally I think you need to do more than say "thank you."

Next time she texts you I "ILU" respond with "stop talking to BOB" or "if you really love me, tell BOB to go away"

Next time she says "bob is just a friend" say "he is not a friend to this marriage".

Speaking up and Speaking your truth is not a Lovebuster.

I have told her to stop texting "John". I am uncomfortable with it. Does not matter how I feel about what she does with"John", and in the end I am done. It would take a mirracle for me to allow her to change my mind on this. Her I am sorry's, i will never do this again will not cut it this time. Just can not wait to see what her reaction is when she is served at work. Why in the world is she seeming to all of a sudden be interested?

WW just sent me another email asking me what I wanted for supper? Odd! seeing as how she has not cooked supper in probably 6 months. wonder why? God! I hope this filing and her being served comes sooner than later. Even in this last email to me it was in txt language. SICK!!!!!!!

Yeah, she's probably getting suspicious and trying to 'prove' to you how much you need her.

I agree, when she texts ILY to you, reply "A wife who loves her husband would not keep a third person in her life if it upsets her husband. That is not love."

This last email that she sent wanting to know what I wanted for supper made me want to tell her so bad to ask "john" what he wants for supper. Call him Baby!, ask hime what we are going to do about this and that and leave me the he77 alone. she just sent me another email insisting on going out to eat dinner this week?