(((((((((((((T2L))))))))))))))))

It's time to see your physician and ask about depression.

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}} T2L, you have been like a rock to others during this time -- especially me. I just was catching up a little bit on your sitch. I am sorry to hear about you about the church ministry. I know with the holidays, plan b and now this I know it must have hit you hard.
I agree about possibly going to a doctor and talking about depression. Need to take care of yourself. Especially if your fog does not lift in the next few days.
I know you are angry, upset, confused and feeling lost. My heart goes out to you.
I met a woman on the beach some months back right when husband left me. We started walking and I told her about my troubles. She held my hands and prayed with me. She said to me believe it or not you are right where God wants you to be now. It is not for us to decide but see which direction he wants us to go. I never saw her again and sometimes I swear she must have been an angel to give me comfort. I hope that someone touches you the same way. Please reach out, let me know if you want to talk. Take care and God bless.

I cannot do that. In my younger years, early 20's, I used drugs. I stopped the very day I was converted to Christianity, and have never touched them since.

I have an addictive personality, I know this about me. It terrifies me at the thought of relying on pharmaceuticals, I know this sounds crazy. I'm a health nut. I don't eat bread, I don't drink milk, I don't eat anything in a box if I can help it, unless of course if its on Sunday and I give myself permission to eat anything and everything on that day. I haven't been exercising though since this all started and I know that, that can raise my endorphins and help me.

Plus my sister took anti-depressants while she lived in Alaska for 2 years(military) and she said she had to stop after a day because she could feel sad BUT she couldn't feel happy either, she couldn't feel at all. No worries there, I can't really feel anything. I want to be clear minded even if in pain as absolutely lame that sounds.

I promise I will go out today, the sun is shining and I think we may get close to 69 here. I'll take advantage of the sunlight and fresh air. I'll take DS10 and the dog.

I will try and force myself to go to church, I can't this week but I will try after the next. The Pastor still wants me on the platform singing full time, but that If I need a day off where I don't want to that its fine. I think he knew I would just want to give up and leave and this was his way of stopping that.

EDIT: Darnnit did it again, DD17 didn't log out...this Is Momma T2L LOL

OKay

Exercise will work much quicker than anti-D's. It IS lovely out today - get out and exercise!!!!!!!!!!!

T2L, I had the same conversation on my thread during tst's affair. I said very similar things as you are right now, so I fully understand where you are coming from and support you in using methods other than meds to take care of your emotional and physical health.

We try to stay away from refined sugars and flours. I mill our wheat, kamut, oats and other grains to make our flour for baking. We had a time where we consumed no dairy or gluten.

You know you need to exercise to help your body combat depression by releasing endorphins, as you mentioned above. If you will start focusing on YOURSELF, you will come through this. You are going to have to put caring for yourself at the top of the list. Your children will suffer, as well as you, if you do not.

You know what you need to know to deal with this in the healthiest possible manner, don't you?

You know you need to:

take vitamins
exercise daily (I did a lot of tai chi and pilates during the A)
eat healthy
maintain a healthy sleep routine as best you can
establish a strong network of support here and IRL
worship, pray, and read Scripture

Other things that might help:

EFA's (MelodyLane has posted that these helped her)
St. John's Wort (herbal medicine)
Ignatia homeopathic remedy (I had this on hand from my homeopathic DO and found it very helpful for grieving)

Your emotional reaction yesterday was a perfectly sane response to your situation.

Now you have to pick yourself up off the floor and nurse yourself back to health.

I think I saw somewhere on here that you used to homeschool. I have been homeschooling for about 15 years. Did you enroll your son in school due to the affair, or was he already enrolled?



What's your regular daily routine?

Finally, something I think I can be helpful about.

Anti anxiety and anti depression medications are way improved over the past few years.

They do not have the same side effects:
Most are not addictive.
Depending on the person, they can be weight neutral or weight reducing.
As you get older, they are very helpful with hormonal changes, changes that stress, panic and anxiety make worse.
Most you are only on short term 6 mos to 2 years.

Make sure you are diagnosed by a dedicated professional- you want the right type (if you go) and some general MD's dont understand the wonderful, new alternitives for people.

I was an a$$, and did not want to "go on psycho pills". Did not want weight, not feeling "normal" or not being able to feel "happy"....-- What a crock of Sh*t I sold myself on!"
For me nothing could be more far from the truth. I am on a very low dose, and I double up the week "aunt flo'" visits--

I can now sleep, feel happy- not feel triggers as much as before- tho if I don't eat well I get an upset stomach. to be truthful.
But the side effects are WAY BETTER than the anxiety and panic.

Do not discount modern medication based on what you thought you know-- It has grown by leaps and bounds. It takes a dedicated doctor and patient-

Lots of my students have been on medications, too. Sometimes I have to report on behaviors I observe. I find that modern meds are making life improvements all the time.

I have to agree. I'm on Paxil and Wellbutrin and the only side effect I've ever had is ringing in the ears. Any my doctor's best friend initiated a study that proved that Wellbutrin can be used to help people lose weight. No numbness, no zombie, no nothing, except more of a willingness to get off the couch and accomplish something.

Yes I do know what to do, exactly what to do, darnit! Yes I take multi, calcium, EFA's and green pills. I have tried 5-HTP and some other things too. I feel a little better talking with you guys instead of shutting down. And even answered a call from a friend from church who is close to me-that's big in my world cuz if I get to shut down mode, which is rare, I won't talk at all.

Yes I am a new home schooler. DS10 begged me for years and i avoided it mostly for social skills but since the onset of this he begged again, and asked his dad during Plan A because of the cost of the books, and H said yes. We are only 1 month into it. We are using Alpha and Omega Curriculum. I am searching for a play group right now. Have an email out that I am waiting for a response to as DS10 wants to play. DD17 enrolled in Feb at charter school that is like home school. She completes 2 packets weekly and goes in for testing twice a week. She is doing so well that she will be finished with High school early hopefully, as long as she doesn't fail any tests, be done in March.

I will pick myself up, even though I don't want to I already know I will. It pisses me off that I just want to do the wrong thing and I almost can't go against my own self and DNA!

My Pastor many years ago had prayed for me. He didn't know us that well as we had only been at the church for 2 years at that time and he said God put Holiness in you to where you are always drawn to the right things, you can't even stop your self and at times you get ridiculed because of it but don't despise it because its from God. I couldn't even believe it because he was so right. I literally can't stop myself and at this moment I want to!

I am up and around not laying in bed like I wanted to yesterday. Cleaned up the kitchen, kids are out front washing cars-whoo hooo I really didn't want to wash my truck but DS10 is doing it and its giving him something to do.

Just ate a plate of fresh spinach i cooked in some broth. I know probably sounds yucky but was sooo yummy and I figured I could use the detox it provides to rid off all the poisons I released in my body from all the stress....yes I am weird.

I am not going to church this Sunday for sure. I am going to allow myself it off and go from there.

Oh yeah forgot to mention last night in my pissed offness i shut down my MySpace that the Poophead Mr. T2L was looking at and changed the answer machine to the computer generated voice so he cant hear me and just in case he remembered the family website, changed the password too so he can't get in.

Feel better about that, and I know that throwing your wedding rings into a park field in the dead of night was probably wrong, but actually feel better about that too. I actually feel really good about that oddly enough.

Exercise is critical.

You know that right?

You can do all the other things and not exercise, and your energy level will not increase and your mood will not improve.

OMG you guys. How on earth did I get so lucky. I am crying-no worries its good this time.

DD17 poked her head in and says momma my boyfriend is paying me back today and I want to go get some paint so we can start painting your bed room. Sometimes she can be your typical 17 year old just in the way that they get selfish but what a sweet thing.

How on earth did I get such an amazing 17 year old???

{{{{{ T2L }}}}}

JMHO but I think taking one week off to rest will be good for you. Yes that first time back will be difficult, so doing something like planning a family trip would be wonderful, and then finding a dear friend to go with you the next weekend is a great idea. Any longer than that and it will just get harder and harder to go back.

On anti-depressants: First I want to add my voice to the folks saying they have improved vastly over the years. Second, I want to add my voice to the encouragement to try other things mentioned, if you are really opposed to ADs. Yes, exercise has been shown to be as effective in some cases as ADs. And this is a great list:


and as you already mentioned 5HTP should be added. I think maybe Valerian root too.

But I would like you to at least consider ADs. I am on Wellbutrin and there's no way at all that my emotions are muted or dulled! LOL All it did was help me climb enough out of the deep dark pit of depression that I could start taking action in my life. It did not make the highs less high; and it didn't make the every-day lows less low. It only softened the chronic low that was chemical-induced due to being depressed too long. I still tear up at movies. I still get angry at H. I still get sad about sad events. I still rejoice, feel exuberant, enjoy sunsets and the smell of autumn in the wind, etc. In the depths of the deepest pit, I did NOT feel the entire spectrum of emotions. It sounds like you aren't feeling an entire spectrum of emotions either.

If you were diabetic, I hope you'd be willing to take insulin, even if you want to put only healthy things into your body. Insulin wouldn't be a drug, it would be medicine.

Caffeine is a drug. If you drink or eat anything with caffeine, then you are already "using" drugs, the question is, is it a bad drug or a dangerous drug?

Medicine when used properly is even more justifiable than caffeine.

Don't forget the story of the guy standing on the roof in the flood now!

I carry Rescue Remedy with me at all times.

Also take a complete B, and calcium WITH magnesium - make sure you get 100% daily of both (fartknocker vitamin guys sometimes don't pack a whole 100% in a single pill so READ the labels).

The magnesium helps the absorption of the calcium (plus it keeps you from getting bound up - and not in any kind of fun way ).

I utilized these meds along with St. John's Wort when I didn't have any insurance and they helped a lot. Surprisingly, they also had the added effect of keeping my blood pressure lower - I have high bp.

Do you have a treadmill? I'll jump on mine and you can jump on yours and we could work out "together" and be each other's shoulders.

We also just got that ab zapper do-hickey and it WORKS. Holy schmo! It works out muscles in my tumbular area that I didn't even know I had! (betcha you guys didn't know you have a tumbular area either SO THERE! ) But it's not like the ads for it...you can't just turn it on and not know you're working out. It's more like you turn it on and lie really still and watch the clock and when a warm down is over you think, "HOLEEE BAT-DOOKEY! HERE WE GO AGAIN!" and "HOLEE SCHMOLEY! IS THE 30 MINUTES DONE YET????" I've also been known to lose it on the kids yelping, "Don't TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW...THIS FARTIN' MACHINE IS KILLING YOUR MOMMA!!!"

But it's working.

Anywho. Call me if you need a voice or a shoulder or just someone to pat your back and say "wooza." We all need woozas and times like this, you need them double.

All my love,
Kimmy

She takes after her momma.

(saying this as respectfully as possible)

I'm sorry, but......
Come on folks. Enough with trying to convince T2L that she needs AD's. How about supporting her decisions to stay the course naturally without the aid of drugs that can and do have adverse side effects for some. She also has expressed that she has an addictive personality, another good reason to avoid AD's in her case.

As a recovering alcoholic & addict myself, I think it is perfectly acceptable for her to have the boundary of no AD's. This is also a boundary of mine. Hence, learning healthy alternatives becomes important.... as T2L has done so well.

Everyone on this thread has been so remarkable in the advice they have given. But please remember we need to respect each others personal health choice boundaries. T2L has made some wonderful and amazing progress and needs to stay focused on the discussion of her M and not get side tracked into an AD pro & con discussion.

Just my respectful .02

Painting sounds good. Also, do you have any walls that you need to knock down? That would be helpful. Also tossing stuff out and organizing.

If you are used to running, I think that is the best exercise. I'm an old lady and I run 5 miles EVERY day. It doesn't take long, and feels GREAT.

I do support her decision to not use ADs if that's what she really wants. As I said, according to at least some studies, exercise is as effective as ADs. So I added my voice to the reminder to exercise, take vitamins, etc.

I just wanted to gently urge her to *consider* ADs with the knowledge that they aren't like they used to be and that they don't have to dull the emotions, which is one of the things she mentioned as a concern.

After considering (or even without considering; she doesn't have to do anything I suggest) then I fully support her taking more natural steps to climb out of depression. Not all people can do it naturally at all times.

I hope you didn't feel pressured by me or anyone else, T2L. In no way do I mean to pressure you, only to support you.

*hugs*

ETA: What a wonderful daughter you have!!! What a great idea, in so many ways!

I had no Rescue Remedy on hand on D-Day.