It is a strange feeling. I did not expect it to feel this way. I'm sure that it is just a result of being out of eye of the storm that was the affair.

Her last words to me when she received the letter were that she needed to handle this on her own and that she did not want to feel forced to end it. That she was just not a point where she could move back in and everything would be okay.

I didn't even know how to respond, I just walked away.

Intresting, yours sounds like mine


"I dont know what I want, I need time to myself to figure out what I want"


Blah whatever.

Z- where are currently at in your situation? Has she moved out?

Yes, Shes living with her parents, OM lives 45mins away. I work with him but find out today if hes fired or not.

Hes a lot older, druggie, been engaged like 5 times or so. Hes a POS for sure.


Its my fault I pushed my wife away and treated her badly, hes giving her what she wants at the moment (Attention). This started earlier this month. I backed off and keeping my distance and letting it work itsself out and working on me in the meantime.

Very similar - mine is living in her parents apartment, the OM is recently divorced and is into a partying lifestyle. Not real optimistic at this point.

Anyway, do you have kids?

No we're young. Both 21 years old.

Been together for 5 years. Married 1 1/2

It is the standard reaction. Plan B locks up whatever love you have in a box and allows you to heal. When my wife filed, and we went to the last custody hearing, I walked out of there ready to move on. But, I had decided to allow Plan B to run its course. That didnt change anything I was wanting to do. Sure, I wasnt going to date for awhile. But, so what?

Anyway, after only having NC broken 2 or three times in 5 months by her (our only contact were via email or voicemail concerning the kids), she apporached me about talking about possible reconciliation. If you had asked me the day before she did that, I would have told you that I had no love left and was happy in my new life and in the direction I was headed. But, once she asked and I confirmed that this was her really wanting to reconcile, I felt that box open up and was VERY surprised about how deeply I still felt about her.

So, dont worry about your feelings concerning her. Plan B is for you to heal, to move forward with the rest of your life and away from the affair. If your wife chooses to join you in moving forward, then so be it. If she doesnt? Well, you are on your way anyway!

Thanks MM. Your posts are the most insightful and helpful that I have seen. I always look forward to them.

I guess that I have some hope that Plan B will be successful.

Her last comments were that she knows her love for me is deeper than what she feels for him and that she wants our family together. She just doesn't know why she has urges to call and see him.

I don't see how trying to do this on her own will work, but she will not come back home.

So, NC is in place. Hopefully, the pressure on their relationship will break it.

Well... after three weeks of NC, my WW wants to come home. She had heard that the boys and I were attending church, which we have not done much of in the past 10 years, and called to ask if she could attend with us. Following the service, she said it was over with the OM and that new she had made a mistake.

She said she had been feeling it since the 2nd day she moved out. Anyway, I found out that he had been seeing another girl at the same time as my WW. I have a pretty big feeling this has a lot to do with her coming back.

I am not sure what to do now. So much has happened. I don't even know how to verify NC is in place, as they have found so many ways to get around my past attempts. It is hard for me to see what she would gain by stringing me along at this point. I know the OM was pushing for her to make a decision too. He wanted her out of the marriage.

Any thoughts, or suggestions??

That's probably EXACTLY why she came back. Her other option doesn't seem so enticing now.

The question really is - do you want to recover your M?

If so, accept her back, and Plan A as best as you can.

Ditto what MIM...

Good time to solicit Harley's to assist in marriage coaching and use these principles to make a better marriage.

She must however meet all the demands of Plan B letter and do not waiver. You deserve total honesty and remorse from her.

Do not think by accepting her back that you are seen weak because of your action during the last month you were strong and held your boundaries.

Personally - having parents that love each other and will protect each other is the best gift you and WW can give your boys.