Can someone give me some insight and information - links possibly - to info on emotional affairs.
My WH keeps saying he is not having an affair because all he does is 'think' about her. He has not slept with her and says he is waiting because he wants to see about everything else first but that this is a huge sacrifice for him.
I am really, really going through a hard moment right now and would like some insight into why he is not pushing this affair into a physical affair? He had a physical affair with our housekeeper before he 'fell in love' with this other girl... so why not sleep with her too?
Is there more or less of a chance of EA's lasting?
Thanks again
Q

He's telling you something you have no way to prove. I tend to think that he is lying about it not being physical in order to bide his time and not cut off his nose to spite his face...he doesn't know yet if it is really worth losing you and hurting the kids with a D at this point.

I could be wrong....waywards lie...it sounds like he didn't just stop having a wayward mentality after the babysitter.

You are in a difficult position being so far away from each other.

I think EA's can be last quite a while. Is he trying to tell you that it is just a one sided EA?

Didn't you talk to the OW's boyfriend? What did he say about it?

He hasn't been acting like it is one sided. And if it is an actual EA I still say that it is unlikely that it is not physical....mostly by his attitude and his actions.

From what you describe, I think you are better off looking at material about serial cheaters. He has told you that it has not gone physical, but that this is a huge sacrifice for him. THis is his second affair that you know about. It sounds like he is way beyond the definition of an "emotional affair". He is describing more of a "romantic affair". I agree that he has most likely already gone physical with her.

Someone has a thread about "romantic affairs" that is buried. But I still think you are better off looking at info about serial cheaters. I am sorry you are in this situation.

OK - then the definition of this one is a romantic affair, not an EA. I don't really know the difference or the terminology - but would like some more info then on Romantic Affairs.
The OW is just as in love if not moreso than WH. I am under the impression that her adoration of him is what really brought this on and he is eating it up.
I have spoken with her boyfriend but the conversations are so unbearable for me that I cannot call him ever again. We have spoken two or three times and it literally sends my body into shock each time.
I was feeling really strong and then decided to go into plan B and completely messed it up - sent a letter but then proceeded to spend all day on the phone with WH... and accomplished nothing but agony.
Just do not know what to do and am really sad.
Thanks
Q

Time to regroup and set up a new plan. Have you done Plan A? Can't stand to be around him? Maybe you need to try Plan B again.

Catperson,
Yes, 'regroup' is the key word. I am really hurting right now so at this very moment it seems impossible.
I tried to plan A long distance but it was never easy and we always ended up going back to the same conversation which was me asking him to leave OW and saying we can't get anywhere while he is with her. Then him saying he's not 'with' her because they aren't sleeping together. Always ends with me feeling empty inside and hating him more and more and well, just sad, really sad.
All I can possibly do is call him every day and be nice to him on the phone. That's it.
He is visiting the island on January 31st for a couple of weeks. I suppose I could start over again and really try a good plan A while he is here- just don't know if I have it in me.
Do you think I can start plan A all over from the top? despite my growing dislike of WH?
RHW are you out there?
Thx again,
q