Background: I am a 44 yrs. old, married 17 yrs., H 42 yrs. old, 2 children, girl 15, and boy, 10.
I am married to a serial cheater. H is currently involved in a third affair. (3 that I’m sure of)
We both work at the same place and all three OW work here too. It has been a living nightmare with all of this happening around me daily.
The last 2 years have been the most tumultuous years of my life. They have been the best and the worst.
After H turned 40, he met OW #1. It was such a blow to me and took me a very long time to recover from. I attributed it to a mid life crisis. I ended up losing a lot of weight to try and win his affection again. It worked for awhile. Oh, and BTW, I’ve just come to find out that he is talking to her again for advice while he is with OW#3.
That lasted about 6 months. How we got through it I’ll never know. I think he basically lost interest.
Spring came. He noticed someone else at work who was younger, pretty and took to his charming ways. She was 27. I demanded that he have no further contact with her. Drove away in the car with him, made him call her in front of me and tell her it was over. Still wasn’t over, I had to get the OW’s H involved and he basically threatened my H with his life, so it was over. She split with him and had moved on to her next victim.
After that the rest of the summer and the fall were glorious. I actually thought that he had changed and was showing more love and attention than I could ever ask for. I was so happy for us and our family. I was even grateful for it happening because I felt like it brought us closer.
Then a few weeks ago I started detecting a change in him again. He was pulling away. Then one day he really f’d up and sent a text to me instead of OW#3 telling her to meet him somewhere. I confronted him and he told me her name. It has been hell ever since.
Just to add, he is addicted to porn. He is a professional photographer and I discovered photos he took of her nude. She is also another 27yr. old. I know very little about her. Haven’t even run into at work. He said that she and her H have split. By now, I figure the less I know about her the less pain I have to endure.
He will not stop seeing her. He called in to his 2nd job last Friday to go be with her. When he came home I had his suitcase packed and he refused to go anywhere. I called him names that I have never uttered in my life. We ended up talking for hours and I ended up being a damn fool and taken advantage of, again. He said all he is asking for is a couch.
He thinks because ‘I know’ about her now that it’s ‘okay’ and I don’t have any say in the matter because he considers us separated even though he is still in the same house. I am just supposed to live with it until he finds another place to live.
Last night I spent the whole time crying my eyes out because I wasn’t ready for my marriage to end and I STILL loved him through all of the b*llsh*t. You don’t just stop loving someone after 17 years. and building a life together and having 2 beautiful children together. Although I do see him as a stranger now. The pain is inescapable.
So it got later and later and he came home at midnight. The later it got the quicker my tears dried up and the anger just ensued. I was also livid because our son stayed up to see him and couldn’t understand why Daddy wasn’t coming home sooner.
We have agreed to go to MC, but he will not stop contact with this OW. I’m glad he wants to go, but I know he’s not there whole heartedly. I have been doing all the work to save our marriage.
He keeps telling me that he is broken and empty. He also said that he doesn’t think he can stay married to me and stop hurting me. He is trying to justify his actions by saying that we haven’t been happy for 17 years and that is total bullsh*t. I know I am not perfect, but I feel like he is digging for excuses.
I do not believe in divorce. Never have, never will. And I want to save my marriage. I don’t think he truly wants to anymore either even though he has agreed to counseling. I’m trying to convince myself that he will never change. I know he needs professional help. But it hurts that he turns to all these OW instead me, his best friend for all these years. I can see that he is getting worn down and I’m praying that he will see the light soon. But for the first time I am very reluctant whether I can trust him ever again.
I have forgiven him for so much in the past and I just don’t know how to handle the future. I love my family more than anything in the world and do not want our lives shattered because my H’s selfishness.
Where do I go from here?
Last edited by mushi44; 12/30/08 12:58 PM.
