The only places left to expose are

Ds - This is proving to be difficult for me.

OM's GF/Fiancee - No means of contact unless I go to his house, and then it's knowing if she is in or not. Also, their house is up for sale, so she may already know.

His work - Which is also my Ds school. I don't think this will have any impact. My word against his etc. and the people that do know the sit there will deny it.

My money goes directly to our joint account. At the moment, with work what it is, this isn't covering everything and we are overdrawn by quite a large amount. Her salary goes into her account and covers household bills and some credit card payments (hers mainly!). She probably tops up her phone with cash that she gets from her private clients (Reflexology, before you ask!)

Phil,

You are nowhere near back to where you started this thread...or a year ago. You've now done what your WW has been doing...lying and manipulating others.

So why don't you lead, Phil? Why don't you SHOW your boundaries...and own to our FIL that you lied and withheld the truth from him, and he trusted you, how you DJ'd him...and your daughters...and how you do this in your life for a purpose...

find that purpose.

You have harmed and continue doing harm...please stop. I don't believe for a minute you want to harm the innocent...and you are.

Even yourself.

So YOU do what you want your WW to do the most...own what she's doing, say what her wrong thinking was (her why), and to stop doing it.

You added to your FIL's loss by thinking for him. He feels the loss of trust...shame for talking about losing the garden when his daughter was attacking her marriage for a year...being seen as weak, not believed in...and lied to.

You know in Plan A you bring reality...and you chose not to...which furthers the fantasy and deepens your pain. Why not call a bobby to wake up your WW when you couldn't get into your home? Allow yourself to follow through...and I don't think you do, because you don't do yourself what you want from others.

Your DDs may very well not want to hear...inform them anyway. Assure them you don't want this to be real, either...and it is, and it's a crisis and you're dealing with it. That you're fighting for your marriage, even if it means Mommy moves out while she chooses to continue her A...that legal docs will be filed...and you will still be fighting to keep your family intact.

Respect more, react less...hold yourself to doing and lead. You've added to your love bank at zero...inaction is a choice, too...and that's one of the consequences...being radically honest is hard...and seems like what you crave most from your WW you are least giving.

Whatever financial concerns you have...divorce will decimate you...so expose, anyway. Nothing comes before the marriage...all hinges on it...don't try to wrestle the truth out of her fog...

bring it to her. Live it. Show, don't tell.

LA

Hi Phil,

Sorry to hear that update, my friend.

Have you counseled with JH again?

Harley-wise, the question here is when to go to Plan B, if she won't NC and won't come to counseling.

If your lovebank is empty and you can't keep from LBing, it may be time to consider Plan B.

Your brother's offer may not be a bad one.

Check with an attorney to make sure you aren't making a legal mistake by moving out, but I would say that living with a WW in an active A is something with a definite deadline for a BH -- for the GOOD of the marriage.

Anyway, hang in there, bud, and here is to a better 2009 for both of us !

If WW doesn't want to move out then you may have to go with Plan D soon unless you are willing to live like this indefinetly. Do not leave your home. Expose to DS, OM's GF and to his work.

Phil, wassup?