This is a folow up to just found out, new mom.
We always had "conflict resolution" issues. Well, unfortunately not much discussion leading to improvement has happened along the way. Job changes and baby haven't helped. I haven't found a way to improve me until this fall and now according to him it's too late. He never discussed issues that he had with me so that we could improve things, so here we are in a mess. I was always hesitant to discuss because he usually reacted in defense as one being attacked, no matter how I approached things. To top things off, he has made an acquaintance through his travels and extends his trips to California now. They are "just friends". He says to focus on our issues, she's not the problem. I say that we can never rebuild if she is in the picture. He doesn't want to be controlled or told what to do so we are at a stalemate.
There is another number that WH calls and he calls back. It is a landline registered to another woman. They have talked more lately. I'm praying she will somehow lead him to make a right choice.
I got him to go to a counselor "for me" today. He says I have always found fault in him, never happy with things he does, make big things out of little things, go about "complaining" in the wrong way. All this came out right before Thanksgiving and then he was back and forth - if we work things out, I'm not saying I want things to end, I don't know how things will turn out, I'm not saying we can work this out. We are at ground zero, everything has been destroyed. He may have to move out so we can have some space to work on things. Now, he will probably move out and we will see what happens.
He says in one breath that the first year and half were good, I was amazingly pleasant as a pregnant woman(18months) and have been pretty good since Audrey was born(just lots of time on baby not him), in the next breath, he has been miserable for 5 years. Me changing and being a 'good wife' now is just the fake me and he won't listen to anything like I want to do what it takes to make him happy for the rest of his life, I love him,......We have been married 4 1/2.

The counselor asked him if he had talked to me about things to give us a chance to work on what bothered him and he said no not really. She asked him why he is still married to me and why he is still here. He said he hasn't thought about it or acted on it and we should talk about it this week when he comes back from FLA. Her opinion is that I am not always unhappy with him and not always blaming others for my problems, he just wants to be totally taken care of and treated right. He takes no responsibility for his part of the marriage relationship-helping with baby or house, etc.. She feels that his heart is NOT OPEN to me at this point. He needs a GOD change. It is not all about him. There is just no room for anyone else right now, including the kids. I secretly know that he looked into apartments yesterday before leaving town.

He will be back tonight and we are supposed to talk in the next 2-3 days. Please pray for God to be ever-present with him, for his eyes to be open to see that I want to make things right and I am/can be that person, there is always hope and whatever God leads you to pray for us as he makes his decision.
He thinks that J and I should keep our relationship, so he can get an apartment and come here on days he has Jake, like everything is normal. The rule would be him and all his things at the apartment, visiting us with J. I am also praying for this girl that she will see the light and do what is right, that they will start to see each other's flaws. I'm pretty sure she knows he's still married, the way he texts most of the time in evening, talks to her outside on phone, or in car on phone.

However, looking at evience, he hasn't called her on his personal phone since he left town andhas onlt texted her back twice. She has texted him quite a bit. I know God is working, it is just so hard to keep hope when all looks so grim.

Anyway, we just need lots of heavy duty scriptural prayer to give us both strength to do what God wants and WH to have his mind freed from this evil plan.
Thanks to all for prayers and support!!

L