I am very lost in emotions and seeking advice on what to do,
My wife was having what I think a EA a year back (see my profile for that story) and it was with the same former BF that she had a PA with.
But here's my situation now, I am in love with a woman from work and I believe she feels the same for me, she has children from a different ethnic background, and at one time I felt that to be so wrong based on my upbringing and racial attitude of my family but I feel different about it now, I can't stop thinking of her and how I feel so happy when I'm around her. There has not been any sex between us but kissing and holding each other. I have been in such a funk since I found out a year ago about my wifes activities and have not felt the same love for her since then.
But I feel that bursting love again and it's not for my wife, It's driving me nuts to be living a such a lie for the past 3 weeks.
Do you think I've given up all hope for my current marriage?

Forget about the different racial background - you are having an AFFAIR. You need to find a different job and have no contact with the OW.

You are playing a very dangerous game. What you are doing is adultery, plain and simple, just like your wife did before.

You wrote this in May of this year:


Did you ever follow up with any counseling? Coaching? Just like your wife needed to put EP (extraordinary precautions) in place after her affair, you needed to do the same.

If you can't get over your wife's affair, everyone understands that, and you have every right to decide that you can't hack it and get out of the marriage. But the honorable thing to do is to divorce your wife FIRST before you even think about beginning a relationship with someone new. Why are you cheating?

Do the right thing. Break off all contact with this other person, tell your wife the truth (she has a right to decide if she wants to stay married to you too), and then go from there. But quit the adultery before it ruins everyone's lives.

You must end your affair.

I can't find a different job that pays as well as I am, and after so much financial hard ship that I've gone through that can't be on the table.

I know, I know, I'm such a hipocrite



It just seems that as soon as I get comfortable with the way things seem to be going, I get a flash back of when I thought everything was great and I was wrong and the mess all started.
I've tried to talk about how there seems to be no romance in our marriage and she has said "what do you want from me to be Mrs. Cleaver and run to the door when you come home" that's not what I want. I've tried to be romantic and I get pushed away, and she says it her dibeties and meds. that is causing this.
I do think it is time to part, only this time to think of it, I am not crying as much.

I can't

You can. You won't.

You're headed for absolute and utter misery, and I think you know it, or you wouldn't be here.

TA

The more I think about it, Your right. and most of the feedback is right.
I can't do this, because it's for all the wrong reasons and my emotions are taking over my thinking. But now I must deal with the fallout of when I tell my wife about all of this, and it's going to be up to her as well if we continue with our marriage.
But at the same time I am also thinking of ending it, she made the statement saying that I suggested our marriage to be a business marriage, but I do not recall this. but it sounds right (and that is sad) because we both have so much to lose if we part. aside from each other.

Then there is the OW that I must break off with, I love her so much but again I think for the wrong reasons.

LW,

Personally, I don't think you are confused at all.


I think you know exactly what you want. You just don't want to deal with the crap that goes with what you want.


SB