I agree w/ GF.

All the emailing makes you look weak. I can almost see her rolling her eyes at you.

Call her and be FIRM and to the point.

Don't tell her what you need to do. She doesn't care one whit what you need to do.

Find out what is up and then tell her how it's gonna be.

I agree with this statement. I have often told my W that email is to impersonal. But with the way things are....CYA!!

She did not reply to my question. I did send her the "silence=agreeing" answer and that my errands would take longer so find someone to watch the kids till I get home.

If "silence=agreeing" then why did you add the "I need to run errands" reason too?

The fact that she was going to be w/ OM was reason enough not to babysit the kids tonight.

*sigh* So you ARE going to watch the kids while she is with OM tonight? If silence = agreement, I thought your reply would be that she needs to find her own sitter? You are enabling her A by keeping the children so she can go have alone time with OM.

Do you think it is more honorable to follow through on your agreement to watch the kids, than it is to refuse to help her commit adultery???

She replied to that.
My silence is because I don't have to respond to you about my personal business. The kids are taken care of.

Pick up the phone and call her now. She owes you info on the sitters. Then do what Mel says, ask about OM. She's your wife so it is your business.

I will do this

Where are our kids at so I can pick them up when I am done with my errands?
If she does not answer I will not leave a message about OM but ask her to call me back with the details of the kids....then I will ask her about OM.

Perfect & good luck.

voicemail

You don't need to tell her WHY you want to know where the kids will be.

You are their father.

You should always know where they are.

Stop explaining yourself to her.


Get your kids a cell phone so you are never put in this position again.

After almost 2hrs of phone tag I got ahold of W. D12 is at friends D9 is at home.
Asked where they were going...she told me
Asked when they would be home.....none of my business....I said I was just asking you are my wife....she said she has a key....and that she is forced to be my wife.....I told her no one is forcing her......it's a choice....


She then commented on how quiet it was where is was....sounds real busy. She said I was sitting in my car wasting time. I replied that I had a 6pm appt that hot pushed back to 7:15.....and it was only 7pm....so yes I was sitting in my car. She again insisted that it was BS what I was doing...I was just wasting time. I just replied I doubt it.

I told her it was similar to her answer to my earlier question....which she replied it was none of my business what she is doing or who she is going with.....as long as the kids are taken care of and as far as her silence earlier she was at work and she doesn't need to play little petty back and forth games with me asking her questions....I said I am just asking questions I am your husband.....she said she does not have to respond unless it is about the kids and how she tells me this all the time.
She said it was very convienent that I had something to do and she took care of the kids stuff earlier. I references the earlier email. She complained about the time I sent it and how it wasn't earlier in the day....I said it was 2:30-3:00 and that I was just trying to get the "skinny" on things and how a guy can't ask his wife what's going on and how it's respectful just to say....hey I got this going on.

We had chatted briefly about some iTunes purchases today. She said D12 did not buy anything....maybe it was me...I commented how 1 of the programs was called fake a call (it's for the iPod touch it's a fake incoming call thing).

She then said I had all the info that I needed and that she was gonna go.

I then said that I presume that she was gonna be with OM and that I was sorry if she had to say that. She said it doesn't matter who she is gonna be with and then said her BFs name and another GFs name. She then said that if I don't believe her....and how I have all the info one every person in his life.....why don't I just call him and ask him what he is doing....I said that was a possibility....or maybe I should go over to his house....another possibility I said.
She then said how I have all the "stuff" to hide behind....I replied that I am not hiding behind anything I have the truth.
She then went into the hpv/pre cancerous thing and how I was insane and she was not and that there was only a possibility she could have and how my brain was not processing things correctly...I replied that it's pretty appaling when you find out your wife got a disease from someone and now she might have cancer...she said of course there is no proof that he did and I am telling everyone that he did...I asked who else could it have been?? She says I don't know maybe you Carp!! I said of I could go get a test I would. She said maybe it's been dormant for years and blamed it on someone I knew years ago (this has been common lately....that I am sleeping with EVERY female friend we have...even my cousins wife...and her BF)....I shouldn't be accusing people and slandering them and confront people head on...I replied that I think I may.
A little info for you all...we did have a "false recovery" period where my wrote a beautiful letter about the whole affair. 1 part she talks about the STD. She actually wrote "I have actually been hoping I have cancer. Would serve me right. I cannot believe that I put you at risk for an STD!!! How disgusting!". 1 dayaybe I will type the whole letter...it's very touching....she later said it was all a lie.

Back to the phone call....

She said I should confront him...it's been 6 months and I you are a coward and a half....you sent a letter to his 88 year old grandmother....I said that's his problem for hurting his grandmother he should have not lies to her....I said that is true isn't it...she said no it was me...I said all I did was tell her the truth....she said no you didn't....you said he gave me an STD and how our family is suffering....and how Ws and his relationship will never go anywhere because my children and our family will hate him....she said that's so full of [censored]...I reies why is that not full of [censored]? She then said this was a bad conversation...I asked why.

Gonna stop now...this is 6 mins into a twelve minute conversation.

She said I should confront him...it's been 6 months and I you are a coward and a half.

You should say he knows where I live....If I hunt him down and then beat the crap out of him..it is legally premediated but if he comes to me or I see him somewhere I could claim I mentally snapped(Temporay Insanity Defense) and I won't go to jail. Just make sure you do this verbally and not via email so no trace.

Just a thought!!!

She has said this a few times so either
1. He is a sissy
2. It's a trap
3. My W will come crawling back to me if I whip his ars!!

She's trying to push your buttons, that's all. It's a defense mechanism because, IMO, in the back of her mind (though she probably doesn't even realize it), she knows what she is doing and has done is wrong.

So, don't worry over that. It's all button pushing. Try your best not to let her do it. I would ask what's so heroic about being with another man's wife.

I think I am past the button pushing stage. I think I did quite well in the conv overall. I was calm, I don't think sarcastic. I have to listen to it again. She on the other hand was full of sarcasm!! To tired to transcribe the rest.

Happy New Year and goodnight. I will find some time tomorrow for the rest.

Here I sit on New Years day me and my 2 girls. D12 asked where mom was...I don't know was my reply. D9 and I watched some neighborhood fireworks from my balcony in my bedroom. I called D12, who was down the street at her BFs house, to wish her happy new year and tell her I love her. W called the house about 12:30 but all the phones were on a different floor so no answer/message from her.

When I woke up this morning D9 was asleep next to me all curled up in her powerpuff girl blanket. I went down to start coffee and see who was home....obviously no one else. I sent W a text at about 7:45am....happy new year...bring home cat food please. He reply...U2 got it already.
Gonna hit the shower and take my girls out for breakfast....at least someone is thinking about them.

Honestly, WHY would you want to remain M'd to ANYONE who would display this level of disrespect to you???

How do you look at yourself in the mirror of a morning ... KNOWING that you simply REFUSE to stand up for yourself???

Some WW's simply aren't worth the effort, and you seem to have one.

Voilence is not the answer....it's probably a trap to get me to do something that will look bad. Standing up for myself to me means taking the high road in this whole sitch.

Why would I want to stay married?? I don't even have a real answer anymore....I used to say I would hold out for my kids and try 1 last time for them...that's not even a good enough reason anymore.

I am quickly approaching the point where I am gonna come home one day early....pack up her chit....drop it on his porch...and not say a word about it.

Legal stuff is in process....I don't have any way to speed things up.

The amount of negative documentation on her and positive for myself is huge.

I want to walk up to her and say....you have made this very easy for me...why do you need to wait for some official papers....take your stuff and go to him if that's what you want. She will of course counter with....I am not divorcing the kids just you....I will respond with....you coulda fooled me....if that was the case then EVERY action you have made you should have said to yourself....is this gonna be best for the kids??

I wasn't really advocating violence in your situation ... I would have no problem with it for myself, but I understand every one of us has different personalities for dealing with conflict.

What I meant by "standing up for yourself" was where you went with the last part of your post. To me "standing up for yourself" is as you said "come home one day early....pack up her chit....drop it on his porch...and not say a word about it."

I just meant that no man should have to tolerate the level of disrespect you are being shown, and the action you described above would be an appropriate response to her disrespectful treatment of you.

GOOD LUCK!!!