Sheriffs are elected. I doubt he'd want his name dragged through the mud because of something his numbskull son did because of some female.

Have you exposed to him?

From what I have gathered, his father is as dirty as he is, he knows he does coke and pills. They know about my W and everything else. Ill look up on it a little more as far as his father goes.

WOW get this... My phone randomly rings...


A lady I work with my age heard about it @ work and asked if it were true. The funny thing about this is this lady actually slept with this OM a lot when she was engaged and found out how crazy the OM is herself, she couldnt beleive it. She was talkin about how controlling and all he is ect. It made me laugh a little.

Was having a good night TILL.... Im sitting here @ my apartment with my window open on the laptop, I see a white VW Car come by my window....I was like, that looks like my MIL's car.


I look outside and dont see it anymore, I get in my car cause I needed to get some drinks for tomorrow, I get to the end of the road of my apartment, Its my MIL!?? I drive on past and see my Wife in the passenger seat and the Gas Station half a mile away my W's car sits. They met up and she rode with her to check up on me or what?? Im confused here...

Hope everyone had a happy new year.


W sent my mother a text yesterday saying our new purchased house, my WW is going to "let the bank take it". My mother was furious due to it would mess both of our credit up. We had agreed to split the payments everymonth.

I called the MIL and spoke to her about it and FIL is going to talk to the WW about it and she needs to agree to make payments till we can get it sold. Shes very deep into this OM from what I gathered from MIL, I didnt ask her much about it but she commented, she believes everything he says apparently.

MIL said the WW was shocked I didnt talk to her the other day when I saw her at the gas station. I probably should have but I was discusted with her at the moment and just left after I got what I needed, she was pumping gas. Havent heard anything from her in about a week, im not sure really what I should do at the moment. I am feeling pretty good about myself lately and spending time with myself on becoming a better person.



I spent my New Years last night with a few friends (Guys) and went to a party, the party we went to had 3 of my WW's best friends there so im sure it will get back to her that I was there and drinking some. I didnt do anything but hang out really in the big group, Im glad I got out of the house and see some old friends.

Maybe you should visit with your mortgage holder and let them know what's going on, and ask them to notify you if she tries anything so you can protect your credit. Or seek legal advice.

Yeah I agree, I know her parents wouldnt let her do that, Im not sure why she said that to my mom last night, was kinda selfish. Still in the dark today, OM turns everything around on me and W doesnt beleive anything of course, bah this isnt like her.



Hope everyone is enjoying Day #1 of the new year!

Zach,
I actually think you are doing better now that you are attempting to remove yourself from the drama. I think your wife's statement about letting the bank take the house was an attempt to draw you back into that drama.

I think for now your best bet is to maintain the status quo. Keep taking those meds and improving yourself. Learning to control your anger and behavior will be a major accomplishment and will pay dividends in all aspects of your life. Just make sure not to create drama or respond to her drama.

On another note, we know you have not been perfect in your marriage, having been unfaithful and at times abusive, but take a moment to analyze your wife's behavior. It would probably be safe to say now that she has a pattern of rationalizing adultery and following through on it. You may find that, as you mature and become a person more capable of fulfilling the role of man and husband, you don't want to involve yourself with her again. Just be prepared for the possibility that the process you are going through right now will cause a change in the way you view her.

Just remember, people who seem to be surrounded by drama constantly more often than not have created it. Be careful before choosing people like that.

Good luck and keep working on you.

AGREED! I read through your entire thread and I have to say, you are sounding different, better, less frenzied, more in control. Congratulations on that! Just keep it up and work on yourself. As others have stated, you CANNOT control her or what she does, you can only control your own actions. So, be above all this, be a beacon of strength, calmness, and stability. Do things gracefully and with the highest amount of courtesy (I'm not saying be a doormat, but just be calm and rational). Don't do things that you will regret when you are not so emotional. Take it one day at a time and things will get better and better, really. Just remember, the outcome of this may not be what you think you want NOW, but it will be the best in the long run if you continue to focus on yourself and making you the best you that you can!

Good luck!

Thank you both for those comments, I can say Im ALOT different this time around. I havent spoken to her in almost a week now. The OM came to work today to get a few things, and it made me hurt a little seeing that POS, but oh well, life goes on. I WILL NOT put myself into this drama, I talked to the MIL yesterday and her father was gonna talk to her about the house and they told me she WILL NOT be letting it go to the bank and ruin our credit.

Her parents even mentioned the last year or so my wife has been acting very very different, shes nowhere near the person she use to be, I dunno if its been me thats changed her so much, but I do think she needs to seek professional help. Shes not dependable anymore, u could always count on her to do something and be on time and such, now she says something and never does it, its crazy. I dont see it working out with a guy thats almost 7 years older, lives @ home, and has no job at the moment. He has a badd temper also, hes just hiding all of it right now.

I can say im different this time around and not begging for her back im living my life and actually getting out of the house and taking care of myself, I love it, im surprised she hasnt contacted me though? Thank you guys for the support, I am still taking my meds and I havent gotten mad or really upset the past few weeks @ all. Im laughing and enjoying my time with my friends as well


God Bless you all!

I get home and check my myspace and I have a message from my WW.


"Date: Jan 2, 2009 12:32 PM


k i see u changed all ur passwords which is fine.. but u could have told mom so i could get ur checkbook back to u since obviously theres no purpose to me of having it... i need to know if u r going to be able to get me 700 by the 9th so then it will have plenty of time gettin to the mortgage company... im going today to get a for sale by owner sign to put in the yard.. plus rent at the apartment is due by the 5th so thinkin thats going to be late so its going to be now 634 some change.. .also i took care of the utlities and bills at the apartment for dec. but we got to getthis straightened out on when i need 700.00 every month and that sort of thing.. till we get it sold.. just write mom a check or w.e u wanna do an handle that with her but i need the 700 no later than the 10th esp. ... by the way i didnt tell ur mom i was letting it go against our credit... hell i would have thought yall would nkow me better than that to know i got to good of credit to mess up 21 when im the one that made sure everything was paid..."



How should I respond to this or should I even bother?

Just leave it alone. You don't need to respond to that. You seem to be doing well by staying out of all the drama. I would pay the mortgage myself, though, instead of giving her the money. That way you know, for sure, what the money is going toward. When she talks about the apartment, is that the one that YOU are living in?

The money would DEF. go to the house payment cause she cant afford it on her own really. She wouldnt do that. Yes I am living in the apartment right now, and moving into the house sometime at the end of this month cause the lease runs out in Feb. Yeah I decided not to respond, I had something typed up but I Xed it out.

You don't know what she would do. When someone is in an affair, they are NOT themselves. My husband was a wonderful father who wanted to be around the kids and do things with them all the time. Once he was in the affair, they were lucky to see him. He turned into a stranger to everyone. This is just an example, but I've read on here about plenty of waywards that do things completely alien to their nature. So, just for your sake, I advise you to make a check out to the mortgage company and pay it yourself. This is to CYA.

Good for you for not replying.

Your right, Shes not acting anything like she normally is. I KNOW she came into my apartment while I was @ work today, I set something up at the door so I know if she comes in. Nothing was touched or anything, Apparently she knows I changed all my PW's too.

Not a whole lot to add, havent spoken to her in over a week or saw her.


I know shes came in my apartment the past 2 days to look around, * She didnt take anything,.

Zach,
Does she have a legitimate reason to be in your apartment or is she just snooping?

I think the distance between you and her right now is good. You should be able to see things more clearly and be able to focus more on your recovery. How are things going for you?

Def. snooping, She does it while im at work and I set up something where I know if anyone comes in or not and shes the only one who has a key. Shes probably wondering why I havent talked or contacted her so shes snooping on me.


Things are going great, Day by Day I feel better and am doing things with friends and such. Im actually enjoying my life for the first time in a looong time.

Ok Gotta Vent....



Come home have a letter in my Apartment door saying the payment for the apartment needs to be paid. So I call up my MIL.

I ask her if my WW is going to pay half of the payment, she had the nerve to say..."im not sure ill ask her when she gets home"...I replied "well she doesnt have much of a choice."


Then MIL asks about our finances and all and I told her I asked one question and didnt wanna discuss anything else but as she is she keeps talking about other things. I did raise my voice and she told me not to raise my voice which I shouldnt have.

I then got mad and replied "I wouldnt be in such a big hole in debt if your daughter wasnt doing what shes doing" And her mom replied "She isnt doing anything" I hung up at that point. Im very frustrated right now, I guess I can do good forever? lol.



Breathe....

Zach,

You need to claim ownership of the shipwreck you created.
You would not be in this big hole if you had not been a serial cheater to begin with. Her choices are her choice, but the cyclone began turing when you began cheating and abusing your wife. Your entire history with your wife is full of deception on your part and now you expect sympathy from MIL, whose daughter you destroyed. Your wife's choices are a direct result of your repeated abuse to her.

I don't mean to be so harsh, but it's the same chit you spread last time. You made it all about her walking away from you, when in reality, you destroyed her. It's your shipwreck, Zach. I still don't believe you've changed at all.

Your thread has turned back into complaining about your wife's actions and how you can get her back into your life again. I will say it again and again, you need to let your wife go. File for divorce and give her a chance to actually have a life free from your drama. What she does with it is up to her.

You both need to go your separate ways, work on yourselves, and have a fresh start.

Zach, I truly wish you the best. I believe that requires you to invest your energy into changing yourself.