rwinger,

You are too kind.

JL

BigK, don't you know you should always put your W first? Haven't you learned anything!!!

Merry christmas

T/J,

My, could you just give me a :twobyfour: for reality sake....

I need to feel the LOVE....

I ask myself this a lot. To some extent, I'm trying to pay it forward. But I do get frustrated a lot, especially when I read threads where people refuse to take advise that I've seen first hand works. I have also got myself worked up over things that are now quite far in the past.

However, I do feel a great deal of commaraderie with this group. We have all BTDT and we all have the t-shirt. In the real world, people take a MYOB approach to affairs and, aside from any gossip-worthy news, don't much care if a person is an adulterer or not. It's nice to be around folks who still consider adultery as a bad thing. It gives me strength and helps me recognize that I'm not crazy.

You MB'ers are a good group.

Oh, and I also want to say there are a few threads that I check back for updates, though they don't see much action these days. My personal favourite is Runnerboy's but I am also checking often today to get the word on AW3's adoption hearing today. There are others that I watch for as well to see how they turned out. I may never of met you all, but your stories mean a lot to me.

I don't post often here. There are many things I disagree with. (as far as other posters beliefs)

I come back here though because it helps me to know I am not alone. I read a lot of the stories, and feel for everyone here in some way.

Recovery became very easy for me after Plan B. I guess I realized that I was not as happy in my marriage as I thought I was, and I knew I could do better then a lying POS like my XH. As I was told by some of the vets... I had no children and I was young, so I needed to get out asap.

I found a great peace from this place. People like LG and believer helped me so much. I learned to be happy and to love my life.

I still read here everyday. I post only when necessary. I do not post much to people, because I did not recover my marriage and find it hard to want to help people who have been betrayed recover theirs. I feel like the BS can do better I guess. As I said, I have differing beliefs...

Ms

""and I knew I could do better then a lying POS like my XH. As I was told by some of the vets.""

""I feel like the BS can do better I guess. As I said, I have differing beliefs...""

I think when the circumstances merit, "cutting you losses" is the way to go.

Specially with the lying POS types.

Rather than to have the ""CONSTANT REMINDER"" always there, as one tries to recover or finally settles back into the daily grind.

Variety is the spice and your input does matter.

IMHO

kirk

This place saved my sanity (at the time I registered I was 'tempinsanity'). I didn't find MB until nearly a year after Dday#1.

I stick around to talk to the remaining Bee's and continue to learn whatever I can. I enjoy the lively discussions and humor. The trouble in life doesn't end when/if your marriage does, so I stick around to selfishly get advice for whatever's ailing me.

Sure, there are other websites and other programs that can help you save your marriage, but this is the only one that helped me pick myself up, stop feeling sorry for myself, and get on with the task/s at hand. It gave me a plan, a strategy. Many here have been receptive to helping me recover since my M was not 'saved', and for that, I am forever grateful.

I don't know if what I do here is paying it forward, but I sure do feel good when I connect with someone, and help to lift them up when they are swimming in the darkness.

Thanks for that. I guess it makes a lot of sense. I have not seen XH in almost two years! (Well, I have had three conversations with him, which resulted in me wishing he would stop calling me) lol Anyway, there was no constant reminder, and I guess that is why I am relieved.

I even went so far as to start selling my furniture and things as of late, cause I just don't want them anymore. I hate having things "we" bought around. The car is next to go. I love it and loathe it at the same time!

I got rid of all my clothes. All the clothes I wore when I was with roadrash. I bought very conservative clothes after that, too. I moved out of the house I was living in when he was with me and back into my old house. And I bought a different car.

I missed a photo of him when throwing things out and my DD came across it and showed it to me. I literally got sick to my stomach seeing that mug again.

Now I finally get to move out of this town.

MB for me is a double edged sword. When it becomes negative to my peace of mind, I stay away. I also don't normally read here when my DD and husband are home because I feel it takes too much of the energy that I should be devoting to them.

I find this place extremely emotionally draining. Especially if you take the time to put a lot of thought into your posts. And when I find myself thinking about the posts here at night before sleep, I know it's time to take another break. Sometimes I am really hard on myself because I know I should have taken more time and tried to explain my position better, or have been more compassionate.

The thing is I think that when you come here in such trauma you do become bonded to the people you relied so much on.

It's been good for me in a way because it gets me to slow down and really try to be a better communicator. I am a terrible communicator when a subject means a lot to me. And I find it difficult to express myself in ways that won't be offensive to someone. So this place would be a great way to learn social and communication skills if you are lacking in that area.

Also you get to read other peoples thoughts. Very different than in the real world where people tend to give short, brief answers and nobody really wants to talk about upsetting things.

I have a great marriage. I can honestly say that. But a lot of that has to do with principles we have read and absorbed on this website and this forum.And constant work. Because of my faith in the concepts of MB I have been able to refer a few friends here with excellent results.

My heart truly goes out to all of you and I salute everyone that has found the incredible courage to fight for the one you love or to have made the devastating decision to move on.

Thank you.

This was a very good thread so BUMP..

For me I guess the subject just keeps coming up in my life.

First XW in my marriage.

Then my niece had an A

Then while here looking for answers for her I read DAZED's story and stuck to try and help with his WORST EVER OM.

Then the niece who had an A andcame home now had her H (my Nephew) involved in an A (two in one marriage from BOTH sides whew the enemy wanted this marriage BAD!!)

Then my own D (wonder where she learned that?) :RollieEyes:

Anyway, there are a lot of good people fighting for their actual lives here!

I find it hard knowing how painful it is to just look away..
After all the kind people helped me when I needed them.

Although I need a break sometimes..

Good Luck and God's Blessings to all of MB Frank

Thanks for bumping this. It was good to skim through it again.

I like to help people. I think most of us do.

Helping other people get the lessons of MarriageBuilders reinforces them for me. (Fox and I had a pretty good kettle and pot being black thing going for a while.)

And one more: it's a great place to vent. I still have a WXS, and even if she isn't causing me grief, I still have infidelity/divorce feelings/crap/stuff to deal with from time to time. When I post it out, it gets it out of my head, and I don't have to dump it on the other people in my life who may or may not know what to do with it. I know that the people here will get it. And support me. And maybe find it useful themselves.