I'm so confused, hurt, angry, sad, frustrated and lonely. I really want to work on our marriage and get beyond this point, but I'm caught with mixed emotions. One minute I have this "no matter what, we'll get through this" feeling and the next I have a "who needs this, move on" feeling. I find myself justifying reasons FOR divorce. We may not be as compatible as I once thought, we differ on everything from money, children, discipline, goals, etc. She says we can work this out and "couldn't imagine life without me", but I'm starting to feel insecure about our relationship as a whole. I caught myself the other day looking at our cell phone bill and how many times (and length of call) she had spoken to my step-daughter's father. I don't think she has any interest in him, but I do know that when two people have a child together there's a "special" bond that's always going to be there. See! There's that insecurity I'm talking about. I just don't know what to do. I don't know what I really want to do or want for that matter. Any comments/suggestiions would be VERY helpful. Thanks!

Your feelings sound normal to me. I haven't read every post but got the gist of the situation. 6 mo. of marriage, right? Sounds like the 1st big blowout? I say this because before marriage I remember when there was a big blowout, I could think "okay, this relationship is over!" But, after marriage having those feelings for the first time were very difficult to process for me. I kept thinking "Oh, what did I do marrying this man!" But, then I had to get back in reality - we got married and it means I have to learn to process my feelings WITH him and talk to him and deal with it and straighten it out. Over time it has gotten easier, but it doesn't mean marriage is easier. It's hard work all the time.

But, in order to start a marriage off right, you really need to be living together without extended family because you have to learn to lean on each other. Right now, your wife has other family there to lean on. I don't think that is in any way helping - it is ONLY hurting your marriage. It's hard enough to make a marriage work, but to have extended family intimately involved just makes for disaster as you are finding out.

I brought up the issue of the Sister & Niece living with us. My wife believes they will be moving out in a couple of months, but didn't give me any reason she thinks that. I asked did the Sis say this and she said no. I told her that I should have set that boundary for ME before we got married and she said we may not have ever been married (strong connection with Sis). I said, maybe not. I just don't know how to say the sis needs to go. My wife has said that's making her choose between me and her sis and she wasn't going to do that. Although that statement alone tells me who she would choose.

I think you should try to dig deeper. What does your wife mean when she says "choose between you & her sis"? You need to ask her this. 1) You are not telling her to not have a relationship with her sister and 2) You are not asking for something unreasonable. So, you need to be willing to listen to your wife's feeling on what is making her feel this way? I would go to her in a very understanding, loving way and just sit down and ask her to help you understand why she feels that you are making her choose, because that is not your intention. Then, try to listen to what she is saying.

You might also ask if your wife's sister is upset about the two of you getting married. Is the sister afraid she is losing her sister to you?

I KNOW her Sister doesn't like me. In fact, when the "big accusation" happened, we (the three of us) had a chat and Sister said, "I didn't think you and her would work out anyway, but whatever she wants to do is her life. As far as me, I don't like you MOST of the time, but I tolerate you for her sake"...how's that for being "crystal" clear?