Do you want us to overlook this?


What do you mean your "LOVE KEEPS GROWING"?


That's A LOT in a short amount of time, Queenie.

Are you going to OA?


I'm not trying to 2X4 you.

I'm REALLY WORRIED.

I've been thinking that this is going on and didn't know what to say.

Is this LOVING YOURSELF, Queenie?

Uh, Queenie. I did exactly what you said to do - I trusted in God. How else do you think I got to this point? Now you need to do the same girlfriend. Apology? You owe me no apology whatsoever. I owe you my gratitude for showing me the way via Godquest (as opposed to Mapquest).

Queenie, 50 lbs is a lot. Please try to get this under control. Have you tried Weight Watchers? Perhaps there are others here who would be interested in a Goddess Diet Thread and we could post menus to follow everyday and give support to help stay on the plan. I'm not too familiar with it, but I understand it has a point system. Do you know about it?

Queenie:

I struggle with my weight, too - especially during times of great stress or trauma. When I lost my last shot at having a child (lost my baby girl at 5 1/2 months) I gained ALOT of weight in a short time. I was talking to my mom at one point in the middle of that and saying my eating seemed compulsive. She said "well, yes, because you're 'stuffing your feelings'". The idea being that I was stuffing myself, rather than feeling.

I know you're feeling. But I do have a suggestion nonetheless. In addition to starting a program of some sort to deal with the eating (WW with points, OA with sponsor/steps - whichever - the structure REALLY HELPS - lots of stuff online now) -- get a blank notepad and keep it within 1 step of the fridge. Another one next to the pantry. Keep one (and a pen) wherever you go for food in the house.

Each and every time you go for food - regular meals, snacks, whatever - stop first, grab the pad, and make yourself write down what you're feeling. The rule is - you ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY don't get to eat until you've written an entire page.

It may be that you're not feeling much. Or it may be that you're feeling anxious. Or it may be that you're sad. Whichever. Take the time to explore the feeling. The question for each and every page is - "What am I feeling?" - and, once you've identified it, "What is this feeling ABOUT?"

1 page. More if you feel like it. Then put the pad down and (if you're snacking) go do something else. Preferably outside.

See what you come up with. I bet after several of these sessions with the pen and pad, you'll start to see the same things cropping up over and over again. But start first; do it for a week and see what happens.

Just an idea.

- M

I have spoken to Queenie about this..on this very thread..suggesting Weight Watchers, etc. and she has insisted on the need for OA..that was weeks or maybe even months ago...

QUEENIE...

STEP ONE...

What's OA? I'm sure when you tell me I'll go DUH! but I just can't think of what it is....

Hi Miss Mimi, Happy New Year. I hope all is well with you.

I did go to OA or rather Eating Addicts Anonymous. I gained 30 of those pounds within two months of going to those meetings.

There is NO DOUBT, I'm stuffing, I'm running, I'm in my dry drunk and I am back at square one.

I worked very diligently at my sponsors house yesterday.

I admitted I'm powerless over food and that my life has become unmanangeable.

How has my life become unmanageable, I'm broke, I'm running, I'm isolating, I'm not going to meetings, I'm not talking to my AA sponsor and I'm stuffing terribly.

My weight coming back has been happening for months. Something triggered it, but I simply don't know what. I wish I did, because I hate gaining weight and being fat again. I'm embarrased to go to AA meetings because I was doing so well. I'm embarrased to face WH in court because I'm almost the fat blob I was.

Sabotaging myself is my comfort zone. I'm sure MOST of YOU can't relate, but it is. So this is my plan of action that I came up with on my sponsor.

I am to attend a minimum of 3 AA meetings a week, not including my EAA meeting. No more isolating. I have to talk to my sponsor at the minimum every other day and text her all day long. We have the same company. I need to start my divorce plans by doing the footwork that I can, that's why I have asked for help.

It took me 16 years to figure out I was in a dry drunk. I'm grateful it was only a month this time. I'm crawling for survival. I could really start to beat myself up and that would take me down again. I refused a piece of candy at the meeting tonight, in the last 4 days I have been to four meetings plus a long time with my sponsor.

I am saying the fear prayer over and over again... G-d please remove my fear and direct my attention to being the healthier, thinner woman you would have me be. And saying the serenity prayer.

9 years ago I lost 70 lbs with H was living home because he wanted me to lose weight. That didn't make him happy. In the back of my mind, I believed that this time, losing all that weight would make him happy and trust that I had changed and in the end he would come home. Didn't happen. So, I think unconsciously I hurt myself because I didn't make him happy. :crosseyedcrazy:

I'm sure to all you healthy people you can't imagine someone doing this stuff, but in my world it seemed reasonable.

Thanks Chai for your kindess and forgiveness. I appreciate it so much. I can't promise I'll do a page Miriam, but I can promise that I'll write down on paper my feelings as much as I can. Will start there, ok?

OA is overeaters anonymous.....

I think that you have a plan and are moving in the right direction...in regard to writing the page, perhaps you can post here OR write the page...

That way WE can support you too!

Perhaps you can start out by writing: I was feeling like eating something so instead I decided to post my real feeling here...you also need to have a reward system for doing well when you do not eat...

I was a powerlifter in college and one thing I learned was discpline from the experience...IT'S SOOOOO HARD, but when you ahve to lose weight quickly for a meet, you learn that you need a plan...The Tuesday before national I was as my target weigh to compete and weigh in wasn't until Friday, when I got there I had lose 5 lbs...

The main thing I can not stress enough is to eat breakfast...it jump start your metabolism...I'm not talking a huge breakfast...I'm talking about a bowl of oatmeal or grits whereever you perfer...the great thing about that is that it's mostly water but gives you what you need...

Two hours later, I would be hungry, so I would have some crackers, Wheat THins are something and would actually count out how many was in a serving...IT WAS SOOOO HARD...I've had to do this over the years because I have gone on my own crazy STUFFING stages...I gained 30lbs in no time, waking up in the middle of the night when POWS and I was still together and would eat WHATEVER I could find...

Anyway, I would eat lunch, a can of soup or more oatmeal, and then two hours later another serving of a snack...the object is to eat six small meals a day...

Whatever you want to weigh add a zero to the end of that number and that's the amount fo calories that you need to take in a day...this will work by itself for a little while without anymore activity from you, but then your body will get use to it...

I actually did this five days a week, on the weekends I rewarded myself but still limited my portion...if I wanted chocolate, I ate it, because if you are craving something, you're body needs it...I know that there are other issues here and IT IS HARD WORK, you know that! What I'm offering is support, just like everyone else...I know the struggles and I am more than happy to support you...

BTW, I took 5th place in my weigh class that year. I was up for third but messed up my knee on my last deadlift. I tried to lift in another competition the following year but my fear got in the way and I bombed out. I never lifted again competition wise. I sabotaged myself with my own fears but I was/still am proud of the success that I had...it's ALL a learning process Queen...

That's how personal success is made...you may have lose THAT battle but you haven't lost the fight!

Let's walk through the other side together!

Rooting for you all the way! Progress not prefection, ok?

Hi Queenie-

First of all-I love you.

Second-I hope you stayed high and dry during the recent floods. We were fine in my part of the valley. Can't say the same for the woman who was washed down the hill in her house from a mudslide.

Just wanted to let you know you are on my heart and in my prayers.

Praying for you, Queenie.

You know what you need to do, but you are stuck in that "beating yourself up for letting this happen" place. THAT place gets you no where but further into your darkness.

Go back to Mimi's question, "how is this loving Queenie?"

Turn your focus back to LOVING Queenie...not condemning Queenie.

There is where your answer lies.

Queenie -

If you haven't got a page in you, that's fine. The key is to be in touch with your feelings before you eat. Do a paragraph.

I've been there. Really. Just recognize that this is something you did to yourself while you were in pain...and the last thing you need is more pain!

Being good to ourselves is not the same as indulging ourselves - in food, alcohol, drugs, emotion, angry behaviors, etc. I don't know about you but I have to remind myself of that about 20 times a week. :crosseyedcrazy:

- M

Queenie,

Let me know if I can help you in ANY way. Recipes, menus, whatever you need. I can at least cheer for you.

Hi JT, Oh gosh, I hope that lady is ok, do you know anything of her? I'll be praying for sure.

My SMB, long time no hear. How are you? No, I'll admit that gaining weight in the end isn't loving me, but I am really being careful to not beat myself up which I am really good at doing.

I'll find the strength to work through this like I do everything else. I just seem to be in "that stage of growth" that we all know so well and don't like.

Ok, Miriam, I'll write my thoughts down before I eat starting tomorrow.

Chai, I will let you help me, but right now I need prayers and guidance for what food plan is where G-d wants me to be.

I have thought alot about it, and I am thinking that my two bottom lines need to be stay away from sugar and no late night eating. So, I'm going to start praying for guidance and see where he leaves me.

WH's state money hasn't come through today, but I did contact the state office and left a message asking for help. I have begun to figure out a timeline of everything from D-day. Meetings between WH and me, meetings with his children, those won't be hard to remember... seeing I could almost count them on my hands, my Plan A, my Plan B, etc. Everything and anything that will help me build a case that I deserve more than 50-50 after this.

I may be an idiot in still loving my H, but with G-ds grace, I'm somehow going to pull off finding the strength to know I went down without a fight to the bitter end in claiming what is MINE. I don't know what that will look like, but I can promise you it won't be thin.

A part of me wonders if I should start printing up this thread to back up where I got my advice, that I tried everything to make my marriage recover, that he really did abandon my children and me and left me with EVERYTHING to pick up and move forward while he played.

This will take me time to prepare and once done I'll contact my A for 2 years from D-day and set into motion my D. I'm not ready to face this day today. I'm not even ready to imagine my M is over, but he isn't EVER coming home. I have FAITH in G-d, I have TRUST that there is something as good for me out there. And if WH and I are really to be together, then getting D doesn't mean we can't find ourselves back to each other.

Can I just say, for the record. I love my H, I would have done ANYTHING, sold my soul, given up anything to be given the chance to R. But he doesn't want me or our life. Even I deserve a little happiness in the end....

OK Queenie,

Enough of the silent treatment.

Are you in Plan B toward MB now? :MrEEk:

This place has helped you thus far, how about giving weight-loss through MB a try. Go jump on Ace's Smiles and Trials thread where the conversation seems to have turned to weight loss/fitness in the past few days.

Mark

Remind me of why you don't go on some sort of Weight Loss Program. I don't think DEPRIVING yourself, of sugar, for example, is the answer.

The BOTTOM LINE is for you to LOVE YOURSELF enough to work on being HEALTHY.

IMO, this is more important than considering divorce right now..focusing on SELF-CARE seems essential.

I don't want to participate in ignoring the importance of this for you.

Overeating is beating yourself up, isn't it? What do you mean by "that stage of growth that we all know so well and don't like"? I have no idea what you are talking about...

LOL, I'm right here Mark,

Ace's thread, where is it? I'll check it out.

SMILES AND TRIALS..on RECOVERY...

I think you are IGNORING ME though...

Mimi,

Sugar has always been a trigger for me. I seem to not have the will power or ability to say no after I get sugar into my system. I'm not saying sweets, just sugar... and the various forms...

G-d Mimi I have missed you so much. You were GONE... Just GONE and I floundered in moving forward.

I am TRYING to get HEALTHY and practive SELF-CARE.. I'm not getting my D today, but moving forward and preparing myself, like I did when I moved into Plan B.

I feel lost, I feel like Plan B is just floundering and my life is on hold in so many ways. I'm stuffing the pain of missing my H, I'm trying to process and move through the grieving and feel the feelings, but I'm just simply stuck.

So I'm praying for G-ds guidance and will in my life. It keeps coming back to let him go and one more way is to take care of myself by preparing myself in little increments for the D. If it doesn't happen, great, but I'm moving.

Self-care is preparing myself, nurturing myself to the point that I accept what happens and be prepared. Does that make sense.

Does that make sense. You helped me through my darkest time in my life. I did so well and now I have to fight for the light again. I need to prepare myself to walk into the next phase with my head up, my chest out and the love shining in my heart for my H and loving him and me enough to say it's ok to move on.