Liberal California. Can do anything to anyone without consequenses.

I will get advice from attorney re: response to papers. I know I have 30 days to respond and damn sure I'll be contesting.

But what about message to WH that I don't want D? I guess that's what I'm wondering at this time. Do I just accept it, move forward, be prepared and plan on looking pretty at each mediation appointment?

He knows you don't want to divorce. He is doing this because OW is probably complaining to him about it.

You need to make things difficult for him so he won't divorce. Going for 100% custody is one of those things. Counter suing for adultery is one of those things. Having them add to your divorce decree that HE must pay all legal costs is one of those things. Trying to get the most money as possible from him is one of those things.

If he is spending money on the affair, and it is joint money, go after him for it.

One thing you need to know about WH's is that they are lazy. They don't really want to go through all of the drama of their divorce so they stall.

My XH filed the papers ASAP. But, he did not finish with the divorce until AFTER I made a big deal about it. I wanted things finalized as I was done with his lying cheating ways. So, I had to post on a local message board that I guessed he liked being married to me after all, as he had not gone ahead and filed the final paperwork. (confirmed by calling the courthouse and being told I was in limbo as he had not done it) I got my divorce in less then two weeks.

Thanks, MM:
I'll keep you posted. And I'll wait until about day 28 before I submit my response!

Hi Holy,

I'm starting to get busy at work again and can't read through your thread.

I'm hear, praying and loving on you. Be good to yourself....

I'll be back...

NO MESSAGE to idiot allowed!

You tell your attorney to stall stall stall.

Wear some army boots and drag your feet.

But do NOT directly communicate with your WH.

Is Plan B a vacation for waynerds?

Let his mood answer your question.

When I am on vacation, I am in a good mood, I am not behaving like I have a festering boil on my rump!

I smile. I laugh. I am pleasant.

Interesting that you mentioned festering boil. I have a huge boil on my shin right now. Went to Dr. yesterday. Took culture, had blood work done (including STD/HIV screen), and am now on antibiotics. Just one more thing for me to stress over!!

OK -- Plan B and Plan D are definitely not a vacation for BS. But knowing that WH has been whooping it up out of town the last 3 weekends and was spending crazy on the credit cards is not fair and seems like a vacation. Maybe this was in anticipation of not being allowed to spend like this once the D paperwork started.

So should the start of Plan D be the end of the vacation? How stressed will WH get? He went off his high blood pressure medicine when A started saying he didn't need it anymore. But he's had major mood swings this year. Even confessed to crying while watching a music video. Weird since I've never seen him cry in 30 years.

I guess I need to make sure I'm still the beneficiary on his life insurance policy.

WH talked with his parents yesterday. "Talk" probably isn't the right word. Cussed, yelled, complained, argued, slammed doors, etc.

He was angry that it took 2 FREAK'IN days for FIL to give me the D papers. He screamed and cussed at his mother because she didn't know where the papers were when he drove over to get them. Tracked down FIL and threatened to hire some bum off the street to bang on my door at 10:00 at night if FIL didn't follow through and serve me.

Complained that his kids are calling him names. Admitted that he's a Sh*$head and Ahole, but didn't want to hear it from them. Admitted that he's likely given kids psychological damage, but won't have a relationship with them because they don't want one. Admitted that everyone hates him, but doesn't want to hear it from anyone.

Complained about my 2 boundaries -- where to pick up his weekly mail and using the IM. Said he won't pick up mail there and won't use IM anymore. Complained about not having enough money to pay for everything. Complained about cost of D paper work and mediation. Complained that a friend asked him about D -- that word is already out that he's left me and the kids for OW and is Ding me.

OK -- WH was in a bloody rage. But not at me. I wasn't there. I still haven't talked with him. I'm doing a steller Plan B.

So...what gives? I know OW has given him the ultimatum to get D or leave. She must have given him 4 weeks because that would explain his need to get papers Thursday to deliver to courthouse by Friday. Maybe she was going to throw him out....

So...shouldn't he be happy and mellow since he's getting everything he wants? No wife, no kids, OW, D?

Advice anyone?

sure seems like a lousy vacation to me

don't react - go for a walk - have your nails done - call a friend - go see a movie

READ THIS

"disparity of sacrifice" is HUGE here

Your WH is losing his kids, his reputation, his relationship with his parents .... and lot's more

it puts a huge wedge between them

relax today - your conscience is clear

this is NO VACATION for WH

Thanks, PB:
You just made my day!!!

Feeling really low. Told the kids today that WH has begun the divorce process.

Still really hard for me to understand how a man so blessed can destroy his family. We've had a great marriage (at least I thought so until A), 3 wonderful kids, nice house, supportive family and friends, good health, no money problems, etc. WH says the only trauma our M has ever experienced is the death of a pet.

Even WH says he can't understand his decision to leave since the benefits of Holyheart and kids way out weight OW and all her baggage.

It makes no sense.

Have appointment with attorney tomorrow to respond to D petition. Will also ask him if part-time, temp. job will have effect on determining spousal support.

I'm still Plan B-ing the best I can. But how can I really take myself out of the drama since I have to be a part of it? I mean -- I wish I could just not think of it, offer it up to God, go to the movies, and get my nails done. But God is not going to complete the divorce petition and get it filed on time.

I just wish I could have had more time in Plan B to breath and really work on myself before WH filed. Yes, it's been 13 months since I found out, but I never thought it would end like this!

Hi Holy,

I'm here reading your thread, feeling your sadness. I'm sorry you are hurting tonight. No,G-d can't do the footwork, that's only something we are able to do, BUT he is there and you are NOT ALONE.

We don't know how it ends up, not yet because we are still walking through it. We have to just TRUST because that's all we really have in the end. G-d loves us and knows who and what we are capable of doing. He hurts for us, but like my WH.. G-d is hurting more than we could ever imagine. Walk in FAITH, TRUST G-d and know how special you are to us...

Thanks, Queenie.
Just ran across my H's favorite quote. (WH would not like it.)

"Smoke six or seven good cigars a day, drink a little good wine, have a wife who loves you and a good caddy."

He had it all -- especially a wife who loved him.

Holyheart, I see from your other threads that humour is not missing.

I am sure he is going to miss that!

Are you feeling better today? Are your kids being supportive? Is there anyone you can go visit today? Old friend, maybe?