Just before Xmas I discovered that my husband had been communicating with his ex-girlfriend. The same ex-girlfriend that has been a cause for concern our entire relationship. She has been clinically diagnosed as being bi-polar and by all accounts from his friends and family is "psycho".

He had previously (from what I was told) severed all ties with her, but she continued to attempt contact with him either through email, myspace or text messages. In the beginning, he would tell me that he didn't want to hurt her feelings and I found that to be odd.

This time he says that he doesn't want anything to do with her but he saved her number "so that when we separate, he would have a back up." We have since separated and he's currently staying at his brother's house with his wife and two kids. Most of his things are still at the house and he continues to find excuses to come pick an item or two.

He's tried on two occasions to be "nice" to me - once on my birthday and once the night before NYE. When I don't return the warm fuzzy feelings, his attitude shifts and we end up arguing. He usually ends up telling me that he wants out of the marriage that he was "forced" into (his defense every time that we've argued over the last 5 years).

While I don't take marriage lightly, and certainly don't think that they are disposable, I'm simply tired of arguing with him and living in limbo with someone who claims that "they've never been that into me".

I'm tired of him not accepting any responsibility for his actions and his overly childish behavior. Any suggestions as to how I can combat this?

Welcome to marriagebuilders.

Sounds like he is having an affair. Have you read all about Plan A?

Was the marriage ever good? Do you have children together?

He swears to me that nothing has happened... yet. We have no children, just dogs. The beginning of our relationship was good and seemed to be somewhat good up until this occurred. Don't get me wrong, we've had our fare share of ups and downs but we've always seemed to work through it. That is, until the next big argument.

There are many variables to this story as well.

They all swear nothing is happening. You need to do some checking and then expose the affair, and start on Plan A.

Are the arguments always about the same thing? Any substance abuse problems?

The arguments are generally the same. I forced him to move in with me, to get engaged and to marry me. Poor thing, he's never had a choice (although he was the one, at one point, choosing wedding venues, making plans, etc.)

Financially speaking, he's always been selfish. I've never asked him for a dime, yet his family concurs that he should get out with what he can and "take me to the cleaners." It was my house to begin with and we refinanced with both of our names. Everything in the house was mine when we met, yet he feels entitled to half of it. We've always maintained separate bank accounts and spent our own money as we wish. Now that I am working from home, running my own business, he's grown resentful that he has to get up and go to work everyday. Even though he would be doing that if we weren't together.

When you say "expose" the affair, what exactly do you mean? I've confronted him about it, but not the ex-girlfriend. I can only imagine what can of worms that would open with her mentally instability.

No substance abuse problems. Neither one of us really drinks.

YIKES! He doesn't think he should have to work? And he wants to take you for all he can get? Are you certain you don't want his ex to just take him off your hands?

It's not that he doesn't want to work, he just thinks that everything should be 50/50 and that I should be bringing in the same amount of money that he does. He keeps score of everything.

Honey, you can combat anything you want. You just need to me strong and sure of your actions.

Being seperate is difficult at first, but then the dark clouds do opens up and once again you will find the sun's warmth on your cheeks. Relationships are not easy.

This is my second marriage and the fact that I am here, shows that is not going the right way and I am too seeking for advise.

Your husband seems to be immature and needs to grow up. Becareful, some of them never grows up and they never change. You did the right thing for now. However, get stronger and instead of him coming around to pick up a few things, make sure you pack his things and ship them or tell him to pick them up. Let him know you mean business. Right now, he is just waiting for you to forgive him or get over it...SCARE HIM... Perhaps this will shake him and maybe, just maybe he will realize what he did.

Sweety, if he doesnt change, then regardless the tears and pain, lift your head up high and continue with your life without him.

I for one hate to say this to any couple, but I have 0 tolerance concerning ex's....and I think you are the same.

Good luck
Celi