See, I am torn on the need part. We do not need another to go on living but we need that feeling of love. We are seperate people and at the same time one. My W could make me feel comforted like no one else, no matter who they were. But I can still live without her.

Yeah, there's a big difference between a "need" of air, and our "need" of each other.

I think many of us here have found out we don't need our spouses at the same level as air, like we once may have thought, lol. But for a good marriage, we ought to build a level of need where we complete each other, depend on each other, and work as a team.

This was something I needed to read, and will probably need other reminders of before I'm 'fixed'.

My DH does just fine needing me, but I don't allow myself to need him very much. I enjoy him, and I'm thankful for him, but I don't need him as much as I ought to.

Some of that is pre-A, because I've always been the sort who kept a lot to myself. But since the A, there's been even more I don't/won't/can't ask for, and I see that needs to start changing.

Some needs I don't have any trouble at all expressing, and neither does he, to the great benefit of our M, and enjoying our time together.

Others I have to gasp and choke to get them out of my mouth, if at all.

One example, last night my leg started to spasm in the middle of the night. Occasionally this happens to my DH, and he wakes me up to help massage the muscle till the cramp goes away. He's grateful, I don't mind. But when I was in the same boat, my instinct was to hold still and be as quiet as possible, so I woulnd't wake him. It never crossed my sleep-fuddled mind to ask him for the same help I'm always glad to give him.

Dear, wise Neaksis has gotten on my case about this, telling me I need to ask him to help me when I need it, because it's good for him to have a chance to do something for me.

I do it, but it's an effort. I don't want to ask. Don't like to.

He does meet my most important EN's, but because it's natural for him to do so, and not because I asked him. (Of COURSE I always always always thank him and appreciate him whenever he meets an EN, especially an important one.)

I don't get why I do this. It's not like I have much time to sit and phsychoanalyze myself, either. I'm not sure if I'm uncomfortable letting him be all the way close to me, or what. One thing's sure - it's much more my problem than his. And seeing this article now is a divine little hint that it's time to make some more progress.