Yep, that's what the Canucks said when I told them about it. Well, come to think of it, it was actually someone from Australia who was living in Canada who was most disgusted! But it's great, I don't understand what's disgusting about it!

... and hence the song, "All My Exes Live in Texas."

need a icon doing the fingers

Ugh, well I may be southern, but I've never learned to like collard greens, okra, sweet potatoes, or black eyed peas. Bleh.


No we didn't have the iron thing, but my grandmother always made it in a cast iron skillet (which makes it taste better IMO).

As for the heat...well we lived in eastern TN, and, while it was as hot as a June bride bareback on a hot stove (always wanted an excuse to use that saying), the humidity wasn't too terrible. The mountains really helped out. Where i live now is TECHNICALLY in the south, I guess, but it's on the west side of the state where it's flat and all corn fields, and the humidity is terrible! I was pregnant when we first moved here and I barely went outside all summer...ugh.

Oh! I do remember playing in the tar on the roads during the summer as a kid. It would get so hot and the tar would get gooey and we would use sticks to write in it and stuff. Good times.

Gotta go to bed y'all but if ya get a chance pop over to my friends thread Hope3343. Shes needs some encouragement, shes gots some exposing to do.

Can she Plan A if she exposes and H gets fired? Hope and her H work at the same company and he is having the A right in front of her with the secretary.

I think she would like to do a short Plan A but can she? Would she be able to if H blames her? Guess it doesn't matter either way as exposure needs to happen just wondering.

Also not sure someone may have already but if not can someone bop over there and give her some info on how to expose at work place or the letter.

OMG we forgot to eat black eyed peas on New Years Day!!!

I'll pop in and say hi, I'm not sure what to recommend... I think ppl will say to expose no matter what.

Nite nite!

Yeah we didn't do black eyed peas either, thank goodness! :crosseyedcrazy:

G'night T2L!

Dear Trying,

This has nothing to do with anything that you are all talking about. In fact, as I'm British, I find it hard to follow what you've all been talking about!

It's just that I was browsing the MB photo album because it was recently bumped, and I had to check several times to make sure that the woman (and children) pictured there had the same screen name as you. I could not believe my eyes.

You are absolutely gorgeous and your WH must be clinically insane to be continuing his treatment of you. I would have him thoroughly examined before taking him back, if I were you, by a doctor or a vet. Whatever seems more appropriate.

I've been slowly reading through your thread and I am full of admiration for you. Your H really needs to fight his way back home soon before you give up, because once you're on the market again you will be instantly snapped up by someone who will never let you go.

Hugs to you.

It's my 1st Sunday morning away from church. I am feeling okay. Kids still sleeping and its already 10AM. I'm listening to DS10 behind me snoring as he is still sleeping in my bed. Pep gave me a few therapy resources outside of my HMO so I am going to check them out for DS10. I really want someone who will be able to provide documentation for court if needed. My HMO will not.

Anyways, Six more days and I'm at 2 months in Plan B. I have to say that I am almost leaning more so to give up on H and recovery. It's been 9 months since d-day and I have less hope than ever now that he is going to be able to make it out of this mess.

I always thought he was a strongman, if you saw him you would know what i mean, and that he could fight his way out of anything but now I am not sure he can do it. I thought the Thanksgiving/Christmas/19 year anniversary/New Years Eve season would get to him and break him a little but I see nothing of that as you all know by the previous arguments and comments he has had and made to DD17 last month. Y'all have seen over that whole season, No sound of humbling, just entitlement, anger, and blame towards me anyway possible 9 months later. It seems like so many recoveries did not take quite this long. So many of you recovered so quickly.

I mean I know that recovery is possible for some, but then there are many that don't make it out of the battle. I'm starting to think that's gonna be us. I try and hold on not just for myself but for him too. I feel so bad that his life is going to end just like his mother, depressed, sad, bitter,lonely, still justifying and lying and she's over 60, strained relationship with her children. What a horrible future for him.

How do you ever know when you just can't do it anymore? Sad thing is, which I hope is normal, even if someday I move forward find someone and even marry I will always love my H. Even he knows this.

The goal I had set and that I am trying to make it to is at least 1 year of d-day, April 23rd. I would like to be at least 1 year removed from discovery so I can see a little more clearly and know i gave it a full year and tried if any decisions need to be made.

Oh and another bad, that message on the answering machine that I saved of H cussing me out. I left it on the answering machine as I may need it and planned on transferring it. I have a hand recorder and I just can't find the darn thing. I was going to transfer it from the answering machine to the hand recorder.

DD17's boyfriend had called the other day and left a message and DD17 went to listen to it with DS10. They heard H's nasty message. I was napping and didn't know about it until later as DS10 said he didn't want to see his dad and told me why. DD17 said she fast forwarded it quickly so DS10 only heard a tiny part of it. But they both were shocked. I am going to look one more place, i think my hand recorder may be in my car so hopefully that will be off there today.

DS10 is mad, he said dad is being nice to my face and talking to my mom like that. I don't want to talk to him for a while I really want to punch him in the face. DD17 told him nice message to my mom dad as she was irritated too and he said well that wasn't to you, just ignore it, it was the truth and you and your brother don't see it yet. I don't know what else they said as I left the room. Wish someone would clue me in on that truth he's talking about, I know I know, FOG. Today is visitation day and both kids don't want to see him. I'm sure he will be mad. DD17 will tell him I don't want to visit but DS10 will not tell dad as he is too nervous too. Can DD17 speak for her brother too or does this need to go through the IM's.

Anyways gonna do some errands today and stay busy.

Awe thanks SugarCane, that is very sweet of you. Well as you can clearly see looks have nothing to do with this. In fact the OW is physically not that great. She is 5 ft tall, double D tatas and from what the secretary at the office previously confided in me is that her belly sticks out as far as the tatas. So looks have nothing to do with it.

Even in character she cannot come near me. She was been divorced already and during the A she was engaged. I teach my kids to be a person of character, to keep your word, take the high road and all the things I feel are important in life. This woman, from what i have been told by a male friend who is still in contact with H, is that she is trouble and is a bar wh0re. I was told this about a month after d-day.

Sometimes I wonder if I was just so boring and she was exciting and that's why he did this. But really he was the one who never really wanted to do a whole lot, funny now how he does things and says I'm the one who didn't want to do things. I always had a good time and was generally happy. That was one of his comments to DD17. Your mom is just tries to hard and she is just Ms. Happy go lucky and Ms. Positive and I'm just not that way, duh ya think? Anyways the only reason we ever traveled or had vacation was because of me so I have to think I wasn't that boring.

I don't know, sometimes I think everyone even great people like all of us can justify and lie to ourselves and maybe I just can't see everything I did. IDK. I want to be truthful to myself and not blind to myself if that makes sense.

Anyways thanks for the very kind words. I wish H could see me in any positive light at this point, but fog blinds.

Dear Trying,

As you can see, I posted just before your recent, very hurt post, and I'm sorry for what you are feeling now. I was going along with the lighter mood I had just read on the thread but I can see that things are difficult for you today. However, I cannot let this pass:

I am 5'3 if I stretch, and an E cup, and I have a nice, hour-glass figure. I found out, when I went for a proper fitting a few years ago, just how badly most women misjudge the size of their (and other women's) breasts.

She's probably about an H, if they really look big from a distance.

More hugs to you!

T2L, I hear that your love for your H is in danger. One of the purposes of PB is to preserve that love - I just thought of the analogy of putting it on ice - in case he ever smartens up and wants to come back.

For that to happen, he needs to be as far out of your mind as possible. That's why going dark is so important.

I wish you could figure out a way to have him out of sight AND out of mind. I know with children it's harder, but this is real important.

What I wish would happen is, you just get so involved in your life today, that you hardly think of WH at all.

Then, if he comes back, he hasn't overdrawn on his LB$ too much.

If he doesn't, well you aren't thinking about him anyway so it won't affect your daily life so much. Not as much as if you've been dwelling on him a lot.

I'm tempted to tell you, just forget him and move on - at least emotionally if not legally. He's being a you-know-what and doesn't deserve you. But also, I think by emotionally moving on instead of waiting for him to come back, you'll come closer to the goals I mention above.

Then, if he decides to come back, you will have a choice of whether or not to take him back. And if you have made a good life for yourself, you can base your decision on whether or not he will bring something good to your already good life - not on whether or not you *need* him in your life.

I know what you are saying and it really do need to push this bonehead out of my head. That is exactly what I need to do. I have a tendency to analyze, rehash, rewind and replay, over and over and over. I hate this about myself. I do it even when i am trying to distract myself and keep busy, its like my mind just runs and runs over the whole thing and everything said and when they sleep at night and if they are happy and everything imaginable under the sun! Why is my brain like this!

I understand what you are saying and I think I gotta fight this tooth and nail to push this dude out of my head all together. I think its critical to my very existence if that makes sense. I think I am going to have to be nasty with my own self and not give myself room in my mind until all this thinking stops. I know the bible says to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. I already know this but I think I am going to have find every ounce of strength in me and control the thoughts just like the bible says. I know your supposed to keep busy and do things you enjoy but I still think even during those times, but I know I can stop the thoughts. I did it much better in Plan A. Even then you have thoughts that you have to control to even be able to do the plan A, i guess I just let my thoughts run during this PB.

Okay, today I am going to put post its in all areas I am usually in, in the house. I am going to print up stuff to put in my bathroom and at my computer desk. I am going to purpose to turn all my thoughts. You guys can remind me too. H has control of my life through my thoughts and I have got to stop this. Yes I am sad, and I'm not sure there's too much I can do about that, but I am going to get him out of my head, and yes if I don't I am going to hate him. Its definitely very hard with the kids but if there is a will there is a way and i gotta find that balance.

Okay I am going to do this. Gonna push H out of my head to protect both of us-no all of us.

Lame question. I took down all the pictures of H in the home in July, he hated that, but left pictures of him in the kids rooms. I bought 4 collage picture frames and have been developing lots of old 35mm film to get ready for DD17's graduation video. Well DD17 and I want to work on the collage frames together, do I have to put pictures of H in them? I just don't even want to see his face right now. Is that wrong or weird? We literally have NO pictures up in the house it looks weird.

I would forget the pictures for now. Postpone framing them instead take some large color shots of flowers or get some temporary posters to brighten up the home.

Or, as an alternative, make a large poster size picture of your husband and mount it on corkboard in the garage to throw darts at.

Make another to take to a shooting range and hang as a target.

T2L, we are on the same page today. Obsessing about H and letting them have control of our thoughts. I hate it.
We are better than this. I am actually sitting here in my pajamas at 2:42 after another bad night of sleeping. Instead of thoughts of sugar plums in my head during the holiday they were replaced by the demons of my H and the OW. WTH.
I am going to get dressed and get out. My D goes back to school tomorrow and I am going to drag her with me. H is no longer here but he is still the biggest elephant in the room.
Get out out out.
take care friend

Oh, honey, I understand this completely! I do this about so many things in my life. I have no advice for you really, except when this starts, do something with the kiddos, watch a comedy movie, try to work a crossword puzzle, or try those hidden object games (they were a life saver for me!). Something that will get your mind off of it for that moment. I read something that MelodyLane (I think it was her) wrote awhile back and I tried it in everyday life. She said that she would put a rubberband around her wrist and snap it when she had bad thoughts. It would make her realize what she was thinking about so she could deliberately change her thoughts. Would that help you?

Hi T2L, I am so thankful that you took the time to post on my thread when you have been going through such a hard time yourself. I have been unable to respond to your post because it hit really close to where I needed to hear it, if that makes sense.

You are exactly right that you are still living your daily life for your husband, but he's not in your daily life - his choice. You really do need to move forward and find the sexy salsa dancer from plan A. Your kids need the vivacious, funny, confident mama back and you can do it! You do not need your husband to be who you are. You do not need ministry at the front of the church either. God will work with you anywhere if you let him. Maybe it is your time to shine somewhere else - like MB!

I just put up a new post on my thread and will include some advice here too from a book I am reading for you:-

“Commit the situation to God. All that is required is that you say to God, ‘Lord, I’m in a real mess. I commit this whole situation to you. I place it in your hands and I ask you to sort it out and show me what to do. I can’t see any solution but I trust you with my life from this moment on. Whatever you tell me to do I will do. Please help me to maintain this attitude of trust and obedience. Amen.’

You may not be aware of a fanfare of trumpets after praying this sort of prayer but something very significant will have happened. God will have taken over and in time you will become aware of a kind of peace known only to those who have relinquished the struggle to run their own lives. You will know that the ship is not rudderless because God is at the helm and he knows the way. As time passes the way ahead will become clear and you will realize that he is interested in more than just resolving a thorny question. He is interested in renewing every part of your life."

I hope this speaks to you T2L I do have more on my thread if you are interested.

Your WH has a free will and he is exercising it now. Just let go and focus on you - you are an amazing woman and you deserve so much happiness and love and laughter in life and it is for YOU to live and experience NOW. You don't ever need a man to fulfil that need for you. It's a choice each day to be happy and count your blessings.

Here's some other ideas, for filling your mind with thoughts other than, um... whatever it was you weren't sposed to think of. I forgot.

- Learn to knit or crochet if you don't already know. Pick a really difficult pattern for an afghan, one where you have to count stitches. Have it sitting around on hand for spare moments when your mind starts to wander.

- Memorize the book of Proverbs.

- Take a photography course, to fill those spots on your walls. Or an art course. Or just go buy some Ansel Adams or Georgia O'Keefe or Thomas Kinkade.

- Buy some crossword puzzle or Sudoku books and have one in every room of the house plus your purse.

- Read a good mystery. Do NOT read a romance.

- Learn Morse code. Translate above-mentioned mystery into Morse code.

- Translate the book of Proverbs into Morse code.

- Learn Braille. Do the same as for Morse code.

OMG that was a hoot!