I've got book club and a discount pedicure on 10/28. Wanna come?

Oh I woke up and talked to a bank recruiter this morning. Hopefully that is good news. I know if I had a full time job I would not be as anxious and panicky.

And I only made it 25 minutes into P.S. I Love You and turned it off.

My mom called me last night. I cried on the phone to her for half an hour. She seemed a bit more understanding than she had in the last couple of phone calls.

I know it's been awhile since I was last on here. I'm nearly off the sleep meds. I haven't had an anxiety attack in so long. But I had one today. I got a letter in the mail from the USAF. As soon as I saw the letterhead I couldn't stop shaking, sweating and my heart hurt it was beating so hard. So 2mgs of Ativan. All it was was a notification about my claim to 1/2 of his retirement.

One good thing I did today that I should've done 20 yrs ago is I registered for college for the very first time. I have that $3,000 retraining assistance from my old job & I need to use it. I registered for Liberal Arts because I'm not really sure what I want to do. I want to learn Italian, Spanish & German for sure. They have an international business AA degree program that I'm going to look into. I was so excited about this my first thought was to call WS to tell him my good news. But I can't do that anymore. That was hard.

Has anyone read the Twilight series of books? The movie comes out Friday. I have tickets for Saturday. I can't wait. I loved the books so much. I just hope they keep true to the book.

I'm still getting treatment from the ortho surgeon and the chiropractor for my back and neck injury from that stupid car accident. I sit too long I get a numb butt and leg and a wretched headache.

I keep wondering if I should take his name, picture, address, phone number out of my cell phone directory. My in-laws are in there too.

Still see my therapy lady every 3 weeks now. I discussed some of the weird dreams I've been having with her. I dream about WS and OW in my personal space, my restaurants here in LA, my old office, OW was at my desk checking her email. Crazy stuff like that. And I want to be physically violent to both of them but I can't seem to do it. It's a dream! It's my dream! Why can't I take a swing at her? So frustrating. Grrrr....

I hope everybody is doing well.

Thanks for the update LA girl. I'm sure there will be some moments of sheer panic ahead but mostly you sound good and I think the college course sounds really exciting. Is there any hint of the affair falling apart?

I've been wondering how you are. Thanks for letting us know. I know about mail producing anxiety. Hmmm.....

Hey I was just wondering what happened to you, I haven't seen your thread in a while. I'm glad you posted.

I know about the crazy dreams, I have them too and they seem worse when I take Tylenol PM to help me sleep. So either I lay awake thinking about crap or I take meds and fall asleep and dream about them, either way it sucks. I go through this and my M is in recovery, my heart goes out to you.

I love the Twilight series!!! I read them all. The previews for the movie look a little disappointing. But then I usually am disappointed by movies if I read the book first. I already had pictures in my head of what all the characters looked like and they are very different from the actors in the movie. But I will have to sneak away and go see it, I have to sneak because I can't let my 6 year old know, she is afraid of vampires, but she loves werewolves.

As far as I know, he is still living with her. I don't know and it's probably better if I don't.

I'm doing things for me now. I still have to make arrangements to go to Tucson to get my things out of storage. But that's gonna be awhile because I need a friend to go with me to help me drive.

I'm working on getting a job. That's my first priority.

So I go to my trusty psychic last week. I haven't been there in a year. First thing she says is that he is not with that woman anymore and he is only talking to 1 male member of his family. He is not talking to any of the females. (I hated my SIL's) He is beginning to feel my loss and absence. (I think, Good, too late, but good) She says he only talks to 1 friend that he works with. She described the guy and I know who he is but I don't remember his name. She then brought up the older, tall, blond haired man who is an artist. She said I haven't met him yet, but I will know him as soon as I see him. She said she saw money coming my way (the $$$ WH owes me) and then she said more after that (insurance settlement from my car wreck?)

One thing she said that really made my heart start beating and I started tearing up is that she said WH will call during the holidays sometime. She said that he is finally figuring out what he did and that when he speaks about me, he is saying only nice things. I don't know if I ever want to speak to him again.

But I have a dream now that I pull into my apt complex drive way and he is there parked in my 2nd parking space waiting for me. And then I freeze! I can't go forward or backward in my dream. I just meltdown in my jeep in the driveway. I usually wake up then and I'm having anxiety.

One good thing to report. I registered for college!! Really! I did!! I put down Liberal Art because I'm not quite sure what I want to do, but def leaning Spanish, Italian and German are on my list.

Cats are doing well. I've already told them they must stay healthy & cannot die on me.

WAY COOL!!

OOH!! Italian and German!!! Definitely winners!! Spanish is fun--and easy. I had two years of it way back when in HS.

OOF!! Get ready for LOTS of homework!!!

Then you can be up late like me doing homework instead of browsing around on MB!! LOL!!

I pop in and out...cain't hep it!!!



Charlotte

Good for you! On the registering for college.

:twobyfour: On going to the psychic and asking questions about wh which would just mess with your heart and your head. But, that's just my opinion. I think you should be feeding yourself things that will promote healing - not things that will promote turmoil.

I went to a great Hollywood party last night. It was so much fun to get dressed up in my best, do my hair and makeup fancy and go do the kiss, kiss, meet n' greet. I made some contacts and there was really good free food and drinks. I even got one of those fancy swag gift bags. I know that 1 year ago at this time there is no way I could've been in that crush of people and not had a meltdown. Last night it was cake. I wore heels though & my toes hurt.

Also, exciting news, I got my first IMDB credit for a movie I did over a year ago. I was so excited I started to cry & had a mini meltdown I was so happy.

Going to the community college tomorrow to get a course catalog and figure out what classes I want to take first. I'm very nervous about school. I went to the library & checked out some books on english and math to brush up on my skillz. They have a placement test I need to take.


I decided to give the gift bag stuff away to friends. One of the gifts was a 6-pack of Heineken beer. I don't drink beer so I'll give it to my friend.


There have been so many layoffs at places that I've applied for jobs that I am really worried about it. Obviously they aren't looking to hire. But we'll see.

Now word from WS. Which for me is good. I don't think I could handle a phone call or anything like that.

I guess I'm recovering and moving on. Getting steady on my feet and not feeling so ditzy.

Yay! That sounds great, Sunshine!! Hobnobbing at a swanky party! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Yeah, the college thing is a little intimidating at first!! It gets easier, though. I still have some problems with students not listening to Chef in my Fundamentals class.

They really had me going on Monday night! I started cramping so I wasn't feeling well anyway and they did the usual. They don't listen to Chef and then they want to argue with me even though I write down everything he says!

He has a really thick accent but I don't think that's the only reason...I think they just aren't listening to him. It's been frustrating!!

But I'm not going to take it anymore, dang it!

I told Shiny about it...he says, "Young whippersnappers!!" LMAO!! Just what I thought, too!!

Great to hear you're feeling great!!

Charlotte

Hi LA

I've followed your post from it's inception in lucky dip fashion. What a ride. I'm still not sure what to say other that I'm glad on your behalf that things are looking up.

You sound like a fun girl to be around. May someone bring the light and love to your life as you do to others.

Sunshine, glad you had a good time. I'm even more glad that you are becoming stronger and healthier. I'm really glad to see the personal progress you have made.

I found this funny website. Some of it's funny, some of it isn't, but I got to reading all of the posts and couldn't stop. Too bad I'm attached to my jewelry and won't sell it. Whoever thought up this site is genius. www.exboyfriendjewelry.com

And then when I wanna laugh and cooo and ahhhh over things I go here: www.icanhasacheezburger.com and laugh. I gotta get my cats on this site.

What is so funny is that I had just finished looking at the cheezburger site before I saw your post. Did you know there is a hotdog site just like it only it's dogs?

www.ihasahotdog.com yes, it's bookmarked as one of my favorites too. There is another one that isn't updated like it used to be that was pretty funny too. www.mycathatesyou.com

I went to Petco today and one of the cat rescue groups were there. I got to hold soft, tiny baby kittens and rub them against my face. I wanted one so bad. But no more babies. Can't even foster. Too expensive. I petted them all though.

I register for school on Monday. I don't know why I'm so nervous about it. I remember now that everytime I brought up going back to school to WS he would find a reason that I wouldn't be able to do it. Money, time...whatever. But as I look back I see alot of things he did to keep me from doing all the things I wanted to do. I would really like to go back to playing piano too. He was totally against that for some reason. I just wish I knew his reasonings were for saying no all the time. And I know now he hated my acting and singing. I wish I could send him a list of questions to answer & get written responses back. But I know that isn't going to happen.

LA,
I've read your posts and kept up, though I'm not much of a commenter myself, as I feel that I don't have much wisdom to offer, only encouragement. I'm glad that you see the things that your WS tried to hold you from and now you can do them all. Piano (and any kind of music) is cathartic. Who knows what his reasons for not wanting you to do those things are, but now you can and that is wonderful! You can focus on you and making you happy and that's such a great thing.

Good luck

Well I finally found a job. I am so relieved. It's a 3 month contract and after that it maybe another 3 month contract. Made me feel so good when I got that call. I start 1/5.

Had a great Christmas Eve & Christmas Day. Lots of food and we played Playstation and Wii until 2 in the morning.

No more hardcore sleeping meds. Just a few Tylenol PM's now.

Have not heard anything from WS. But I didn't really expect to.

So pleased you got a job. It will be a wonderful distraction and help to pay the vet bills! Happy New Year LA!