Ah, I see.

I agree.

I really don't think she gets that not only did she BURN the bridge, but she also napalmed and nuked it too.

What are the thoughts on how I handled what happened this morning.

I think you rock.

I would not say that. Just trying to hang in there and do what is right for me for a change.

Yeah, well, I know how hard it is to live with someone like that....

I remember.

Yeah, VERY VERY hard. Somedays I do nto know if I can do it, and others I just wonder where she went. I see glimpses of my w from before all of this happened when she leaves notes, messages, etc. because she had always done that. The biggest thing that brought me on to OM1 was when she quit doing those things. I just wonder if OM2W has finally caught on and that is why the texting at home at night as almost quit or have they just taken it further underground. I have also wondered if they are such "friends" why OM2 never calls the house phone. I guess that is my key to not being just friends. They text to keep it hidden. I am so frustrated with all of this. I never wanted things to end like this, but I am not the one that threw it all away, but I feel like I am the one throwing it away. Why do I feel that way?

I think it would be prudent to speak to your attorney about sharing a bed with her at this point. False accusations are a bit more common than you think and I would hate to see her use this tool against you should she become incensed.

Cos you're a fixer.

Fixers nearly always feel guilty when they can't repair something.

As a fixer, tho, you need to realize there are things that are better left for others to repair.

Your WW is one of them. YOU cannot repair her. Only SHE can do that, and she doesn't wanna.

My guess?

OM got busted by his wife. She's probably been snooping since you exposed to her, and she finally found something concrete to confront him with.

They have stopped texting because OM's wife is watching.

Do you have a SIM card reader? You could read all deleted texts with one. It sounds like you have more opportunity now that the phone isn't in her hand 24/7.

false accusations about what. When I am in the bed I am asleep. If I sleep in another bed at this point she will know something is up. Now she does not know what I am doing jsut that I have become distant.

I am not trying to repair her. I have made the changes necessary to have a successful marriage. I do not make the decisions that she does. That was the whole point to counseling. Making changes. She is the one who quit and refuses to make those changes.

That is my guess as well. Or I have even thought that maybe OM shut her down just like OM1. I have video of her and OM1 inthe parking lot from back last year where they were having a conversation and OM1 walked away and got in his car. My w put her head down and walked off like she just lost her best friend. I think that is when OM1 dropped her. Just maybe thta is what has happened here. My W is the one chasing these men it is not the other way around. But whatever it may be, she has pushed me totally away.

I understand your need to keep things somewhat normal in appearance right now.

False accusations about sexual assault jump when couples are heading towards divorce. Remember, it will only take her getting mad and making an accusation to potentially harm you.

Just be careful.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/314898/top_5_accusations_made_during_a_divorce.html?cat=41

check this out.

I sincerely hope you don't have to deal with any of this.

I will be careful. But something like that would have to be proven. Best to keep things normal IMHO.

What is your story?

I'm typing it up now.

Where are you posting?

Hogfan,
I think you did fine. At this point, I don't think there is any need for confrontational talk. No need to make comments about why you don't want SF with her because she is doing OM2. You have made your choice and its the right one. Just stick to your guns and work to keep the peace until she is served. If you need any motivation to do so, just think about the times that she told you that she refuses to have boundaries. Thats the clincher. She has outright told you she doesn't want to the burden of being a wife, and she has backed that up with actions.

I know how you feel. You know you aren't perfect, but you did everything you could to address your faults and help her to address hers. You have read, learned, and implemented the foundational principles for a strong marriage, but you lack the most crucial thing...a willing spouse. Thats only marginally helpful in dealing with the feelings that there is somehow something more you could have done, and this is somehow your fault. I went through this stage and I have finally admitted that I could have been my STBXW's model husband and she still would have cheated, because the deficiency is in her. I'll move forward from here, firm in my understanding of boundaries and extraordinary care, and absolutely unwilling to ever tolerate even a first instance of infidelity for the rest of my life. The feeling is liberating.

How did your appointment with the attorney work out yesterday? I have to see mine on Thursday to say the divorce decree so we can get the hearing scheduled! Its only a matter of weeks until I'm once again unfettered.

Best of luck.

Meeting went OK wnet over a few small things and are just waiting at the moment. Interesting I just tried to access her online cell account and she is no longer registered online.