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Joined: Dec 2008
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I guess that's what I have been feeling for a while. I am finally able to see the counsellor today so hopefully I will be smart enough to take his advice!
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Joined: Jun 2004
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I guess that's what I have been feeling for a while. I am finally able to see the counsellor today so hopefully I will be smart enough to take his advice! IME, councillors don't tell you what to do, they teach you how to cope so that you can make the best choices for yourself.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Joined: Oct 2004
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Mary,
Your inability to stand up to your H or leave for that matter is an enabling trait. Your H knows there will be no repercussions for his actions. He is confident if/when he is caught, he can smooth things over once again.
You need boundries to make you comfortable "safe" in your M. If he is unwilling to help you with that... You know the answer, do not draw a line in the sand until your prepared to follow through!
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Joined: Dec 2008
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I really am prepared to leave if I find out that he is actually having a sexual relationship with this woman (at least I think I am). My problem is that I don't know how to find out for sure. He isn't about to admit to anything and covers his tracks very well after I found those emails.
He says there should be a reasonable expectation of privacy in a marriage. I don't agree at the best of times, and I think under the circumstances, any rights he had to privacy no longer exist. I hesitate to leave because we have 5 children whose lives would be shattered. I don't want to be the one who quits and destroys the kids. I keep hoping that he will return to his faith (not just verbally) and start being the man God created him to be.
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He says there should be a reasonable expectation of privacy in a marriage. Wow, we haven't heard that one before.  There is SOME privacy in a marriage... like closing the door when you use the facilities. What he wants is "secrecy". There is NO room for THAT in a marriage.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I don't want to be the one who quits and destroys the kids. Why are you to blame? Did you have an affair? Did you have 2 affairs? Did you have SEVERAL affairs? No? Then why is this YOUR fault? Perhaps this might be HIS FAULT?????
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Joined: Dec 2008
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I get that (even though it might not sound like it). I know that his behavior has brought things to this point. I still want to believe him when he adamantly denies doing anything. I don't want to leave if he is actually telling the truth for a change. That sounds pretty pathetic, doesn't it?
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My husband had close to a dozen one night stands in the first 6 years of our marriage. He admitted to 1 when I was pregnant with our fourth child bc the ow was pregnant and wanted money. Since then, she lost custody of the boy (due to drugs) and we have now had him for 2 years as well as our 4 together. How do you define marriage? Based on the above, I don't see a loving and covenant M. I see you sucking it up for the sake of the kids. Plan A in MB is not at all about being your WH's doormat. Your H is a serial cheater, and you need to decide if that is the life that you want for you, and your kids, for they will surely learn his ways and believe that is OK. Is that what you want for your kids??? A dozen ON's is not a M, it's a travesty that no one should have to endure, and I'm quite sure God feels this way as well. Hope you can find your strength in HIM. All Blessings, Jerry
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Have you told your pastor what is going on? He should know about these explicit emails so that he can, as another poster put it, safeguard his flock.
You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
The person who is always finding fault seldom finds anything else.
I pity the fool. - Mr. T
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I am concerned about the OC in the event of a divorce.
Have you legally adopted this child? Is he legally YOUR son as well as your husband's?
Do you have anyone you know in the legal field who could help you find out where you stand there?
Sooly
"Stop yappin and make it happen."
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
Me 47
DH 46
Together for 28 years.
Married 21 years.
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