chupacabras

For Trying and for anyone finding obsessive thoughts a serious problem, I have the following suggestion.

A full 2 years after D Day of March 2005, I was still going through my slow, not-quite nervous breakdown. In April 2007 read an article in the British Observer magazine about hypnotherapy. It was part of the health and beauty section, in which journalists try out various treatments and report on them. This journalist visited a hypnotherapist in London and reported positively. She hadn't gone there to get help specifically with her love life but with her peace of mind more generally. However, the therapist uncovered a broken relationship which on the surface she had got over, but about which underneath she was still unhappy about.

Under hypnosis, he got her to let it go, and a few weeks later, when she wrote the article, she was experiencing relief from an unhappiness she hadn't realised she was still feeling. Her article named the therapist and the clinic (The Hale Clinic, a quite well-known centre for alternative therapies in London.) In desperation in May 2007 I booked an appointment with the same therapist and the treatment made a world of difference to me. The therapist couldn't wave a magic wand and change my husband or make the affair something that never happened, but the session dramatically reduced my misery, obsessive thoughts and feelings that H had done what he had because I hadn't been good enough. In fact, the feelings that I hadn't been good enough and that OW had been some sort of queen were turned completely upside down. From the moment I got home that day (it took about an hour for me to realise I felt different) I realised genuinely that I was a goddess and OW was crap beneath my shoe. I have walked on air ever since.

The only downside was that for some time I also looked down on WH, rather badly. I saw him as pathetic, unprincipled and a bad father for doing what he did to our kids. While the affair was in progress we were having frequent, and I thought good sex and fun at home but he wanted sex with a bit of strange THAT BADLY that he would risk breaking up our family for a woman that he did not ever want to live with, but was sexually obsessed with.

That feeling of contempt was a big problem because I was still living with him and trying to make recovery successful. I had to work a bit to adjust my feelings for him so that I could carry on living with him. I tried to build respect for him by recognising how much he did to keep us together. He did maintain contact with her for two years until I was driven to contact her H (just before I tried the hypnotherapy), but he also gave up the job he liked and stayed through all my hatred of him. He tries hard now to make me happy.

I told OWH my experience and he saw the same therapist when he visited London. He reported a big improvement to his own well-being. When I exposed the affair to him in 2007, he had known that my H and his W had "had lunch" a couple of times in 2003 and he had banned her from doing so again. He never suspected that my H had already slept in his bed and travelled abroad with his wife, and that the affair had continued for another 3 years after his partial discovery. He was so badly affected that he was prescribed anti-depressants, but the hypnotherapy calmed his thoughts more than the drugs seemed to.

Anyway, you might care to look into it, if you are in a bad way. Make sure that you choose a qualified hypnotherapist. You don't have to believe in it or practice anything on your own at home. You more or less tell him or her what the problem is and what you want done about it, and then listen to what is said to you when you are in a very relaxed state (you are not put to sleep!). What is said will act on your unconscious mind without your having to do anything. You would get a huge confidence boost and strength to go through this long trial if you tried a session. My session in London cost me £90 for one hour and I never needed another. You would probably pay less than this is you did not go to a swanky clinic, but you must make sure your therapist belongs to some institute that is seen as respectable in your country.

T2L, I have 2 pieces of advice for you. I mean them very strongly.

1. Change your cell number. If there's an emergency that bad, he can call the police or your pastor.

2. Unplug your answering machine, and do not plug it back in until his rectocraniotomy is complete.


I would make those 2 things flash neon if I could. Your LB is in grave danger, and he is getting to you.

What other things can you do to cut him out of your thoughts, and the day to day reality of your life?

Don't force your son to do anything. Just be there for him. Go on walks with him and let him talk. Play games with him. Have movie night on a blanket in the living room. Give him lots of good memories to fill up this time with.

Not your job to correct H on how to deal with his son at this point. If you want, you can let IM know and they can pass on the news if it feels right.

Your job to stop thinking about him and let him stew in his own juices. Have you changed your email address? Changed password on your phone? Things like that?

It hurts me that he does that to them.

And this is why he does it...

If you won't let him hurt you face to face, he's gonna use the kids to get atcha. We've already seen him do it a few times.

I don't even think he's trying to get at me by ignoring kids, I'm probably wrong. Whenever the kids are upset with HIM he gets mad at them and doesn't talk to them.

His famous saying to kids all the time now is, "Ya know I am still your father, I want to be your father". I mean what are they supposed to say to that? They usually are not sure how to respond and they say I know. Several months ago Pre-SAA he had said he feels he can be a better father by not being with me. This is his motive and goal now to try and be this involved dad, that he never really was.

their father may be a putz

BTW: How do you go back to an old page in your own thread and edit? I thought just incase H finds this, which I pray to God he doesn't I should edit out that intimate stuff in during the PA. Anyways can you go back to your own post a month or two old and edit? If so how?

Ya know I am still your father, I want to be your father". I mean what are they supposed to say to that?