I meant to say, NOT staying in the same house no matter what.

I met with my Alanon sponsor, the one who moved away, yesterday. She's in north Florida, so we met halfway before I we drove back down here. I see that I really need to get on board with a new sponsor fown here. It really helps me to have someone like that encourging me to advocate for myself, even when it's tough.

It was really cool to get together with our friends and their kids all week, too.

Cat, thanks for asking about Christmas. How was yours? We had my family over and H's, who came in from the country they moved to. I remembered what you said about taking it easy, so I bought a precooked ham and turkey, and just made the sides. Everyone loved it. And the out of towners brought desserts. So much dessert that we invited our neighbors over, too, LOL

Oh, ok thanks for the clarification... so you've definitely decided to try a separation? Are you still talking to the Harleys?

*hugs* I'm so sorry his drinking increased on this trip.

No, not separation right now. We're not where we were, where I was nervous driving home, living in my fears. I think H was reacting from his own fears, too, then. I think we can work on addressing our conflict head-on and see where we get with it. H is not today enthusiastic today about further counseling, with the Harleys or a local MC, but he may feel differently tomorrow. I think we could do much better talking to Steve, going to an MB weekend, or with a pro-marriage MC who would agree to use the MB program. The Imago counselor was good but there were a few areas that I think we needed to address like the heavy drinking and the heavy travel that she thought I just needed to decide to accept.

You know, jayne, about the drinking, it is what it is. I've got to just share my O&H and let go of the response.

Jayne, I finished the Tools program! Wowie wow wow! I'm also going to Weight Watchers, and they rolled out a new program last month. I love it, it makes me feel so good that it's something I can really stick to!

I forgot to bring my ADs with me on vacation last week. I KNOW that's a big NO-NO. But I did okay, still really felt like myself, instead of being moody or something. But I went back when I got back. I take Wellbutrin, and it's made a huge difference especially with the emotional eating. I dind't have that benefit last time. Maybe I wasn't ready then.

H got severe bronchitis, very contagious, so his company cancelled his business trip this week. I'm glad they decided that for him, because it's so hard to ask for what we need. He's had walking pneumonia before, and it took months to get over that. He's a hard worker, though, working from home, even though he's banned from the office

H wants us all to move to California now, not wait until the end of the year. He says he doesn't like this travelling back and forth to MD in the bitter snow and away from his family. He says that since I didn't leave in January, he is convinced that I'm on board with the move in June, so we should go now. He says that I decided not to go for financial reasons. Even though I had been clear that it was the different way we treated each other from October through December. We have such a disconnect. I'm not pointing fingers. I don't see where to go from here. I offered to help H look for jobs elsewhere, like down here or somewhere else we would both be enthusiastic about. Like Orlando, we have such a great time there, and there's a lot of industry. But I'd already tried SoCal and didn't like it. At least we're talking calmly.

Oh, and I found out something! You know how I always complained, "Why do I have to keep a hopper on my head? Can't I just relax and not be vigilant?" I found that I do have that hopper now, it filters stuff through. I think it's that letting go of the response. It's okay if someone, like H for example, sees me in a bad light. Good thing I grew that thing before I had teenagers!

Come to Texas! Tons of jobs here.

Thanks, cat! I even have extended family in Texas, LOL. I was hoping to stay somewhere closer to my parents and my grandpa. I will sleep on it, though.