"Believer,

I'll personally come to san diego and kick your a** if you even consider this. How much money did this man steal from you again?
Get waway from him fast. Never see him again - this is not healthy for you"

Oh, never mind, I read that you would come here and kick HIS [censored].

But if you can ever come to San Diego, be sure to contact me, and I'll show you and your fiancee the sights.

Thanks B, I'd love that.....

And Chai - that was the only nice part of it - him sitting down with me in the yard and asking me if I thought it was really over for us, kind of like he had just been on a 4 year long vacation.

It felt good in a way, but then I realized how meaningless it all was.

I'd say this ....

TJ: Pep, could you take a look at the firenice's last post? I think you might be able to answer her question.

I guess I can't relate...

My Love Bank never went to EMPTY...

And IF my husband and I did eventually DIVORCE, I THINK I wouldn't want to have anything at all to do with him...

I don't THINK I'd want to sit down and talk with him or be friendly with him AT ALL...

I'm confused about your ability to be so cordial to someone whom you continue to feel has hurt you that badly...

OR maybe you're APATHETIC when you meet with him...

I appreciate YOU, B...

It takes all kinds in this world...

_________________________________________________________________

BTW, IMO, stealing money is NOT a reason to not reconcile...My H did FAR WORSE to me..like yours, mine stabbed me in the HEART many times and we couldn't be happier TODAY...

But of course, he has more than paid back the money he owed and NOT just in DOLLARS and CENTS...

Mimi - Glad you checked in. I am done with my ex.

I think I'm going through another crisis.

I'm having trouble at work, and my ex is very sympathetic. My son is going through a horrible betrayal by his fiancee.

My gentleman caller is always gone, and I told him tonight that I don't want to marry him.

I think I should have done the MB plan (no dating for 2 years), and I wouldn't be in this spot.

Other than that, things are going well.

Interesting... We just had a discussion on here yesterday about that.

How long were you married B?

I've heard a couple of things about dating.

one was no dating for one year after the divorce.

The other was for every 5 years you were married no dating for 1 year.

The Divorce care class I'm going through made a comparison between a marathon runner who has open heart surgery and divorce being open hear surgery on your emotions... Both need time to heal and that's why you don't date. To give yourself time to heal....

I'm thinking about you B.... And Praying...

OK B, just asking you to be sure of your decision. I wouldn't want you to miss out on any possible happiness that might be out there.

And for what it is worth, I do understand. After what he did, it would be nearly impossible to recover in my estimation. I understand A's and the addiction etc. but to know that your partner has the capacity to do some of the things that yours (and mine too) did, well, it certainly puts a different perspective on things.

Hi B,

I'm sorry that you are struggling and dealing with painful stuff right now. I often wonder these days if it isn't G-ds way of reminding us who is really in control and that he wants us to seek him for guidance in life in all our affairs.

There is a friend of mine who I spoke to yesterday. She has been divorced from her husband for almost 6 years. He had been having an A with a woman from work and they eventually married.

Clearly my friend still loves her ex, she is involved with someone else and planning to marry him. She explained to this person that she probably will speak of ex h everyday because he was a part of her life for over 24 years.

What she told me was that our old rabbi said that she will always love her ex, but that her heart will make room for a new love. Sometimes acknowledging the feelings helps to just tuck them away and asking G-d what he needs from you to move forward. Maybe what's occuring is setting up a situation where you are going to be a resource for your son or someone else on here.

Who knows, but what I do know is you are amazing, loving, kind, caring and always giving. We all have down days, and I know that you will find your way as G-d timing is always perfect.

Isn't it the hard times that we find our character and learn most about ourselves. Maybe there is a lesson that you are learning about yourself, but didn't know you had to yet?

B: I can't begin to imagine what you are feeling right now. That's got to be heartwrenching. Hug.

Take your time, think about what you want from life. Hang in there. We give you lots and lots of advice, but the bottom line is, well, this is YOUR life. We support, you decide (sounds like a news station slogan in the making).

This site is so good for me...and also not good. In examining myself over the years I've come to realize that I'm highly influenced by people I respect, opinions I read, things I see. Sometimes I see/read something and call BS right away. Other times I think, "why not...sounds good."

Im' so glad I found MB.com after DDay#2. In my mind I thought if WW had another affair it would be over, done, kaputz, history. But a strange thing happened...

I read information here and regained hope. Hope for love lost. Hope for a BETTER marriage. Hope for lasting happiness with a woman whom I dearly love.

Yes, it's going to take time and lots of work. And I realize it is times when I'm happy in my marriage that I let my guard down, don't deposit in the love bank, and our relationship slips. It's those times when she longs for something more, and falters.

I'm rambling...

My point is this: It is hard for me to make myself happy. I'm just not wired that way. Give, give, give, give...then give more. You looked at life and your marriage and moved to plan D. Good for you. Hang in there, give it time, be patient.

Do what is best for YOU. Not what your XH or gentleman friend wants. Take time for you!

Forgot to add what I originally wanted to post...got to rambling and just plain forgot. Sorry.

This line inspires me. Often used, often quoted, but none the less, inspiring! From Footprints --

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."

I believe you can love someone and KNOW that they are no longer good for you. In Believer's case, this may be the truth. I mean, the trust issue ALONE is such a huge hurdle. I can't imagine opening up to a man who so completely trashed your life and marriage. Wait, scratch that, I DO have SOME idea

In my case, the Z didn't take my money; that definitely would have been an added assault. It's bad enough when they waffle and won't recommit to the marriage, causing false recoveries.

I was only suggesting that Believer sit down with her xh if she really wanted to attempt recovery. Sounds like Ms. B is done.