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To Boot or Not to Boot-Final Answer??
#2189065 01/07/09 02:28 PM
Joined: Sep 2008
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Trying2live
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I browsing threads this morning and I came across this from MelodyLane.


Originally Posted by Melodylane
Dr. Harley is a clinical psychologist with 35 years experience saving marriages and nowhere does he advise people to kick out their spouse if they don't immediately end their affair. It is a foolish move if you have any intention of saving your marriage. And it is known that the risk of divorce is much greater when separated.

My history, PRE_SAA-Dday April 23, 2008, he told family that Thursday night, packed up and left. He came to visit on Sunday, where he came unglued and broke up with OW and moved back in. Within 3 days he was back with her. I knew it. He was an angry angry person again.

He was home for 2 weeks to when I had to kick him out. I believe he wanted me to do this so he would not have to say he walked out on his family. I was trying to wait it out but when he screamed at my kids and came in and yelled at me and called DD17 a snotty biatch. He was not like this pre-A. The kids wanted him to go to the park. He was too busy, and crazy really.

That was the final straw. He tied my hands and I told him to get the blankety blank out and that no one screams at my kids. Ultimately he got what he wanted as he told me at dday that even tho he had not told me they were already looking for apartments to start their new life!?!?! faint Anyways, can't help but thinking are my chances lowered. I wish I could have kept him there but I think with how angry he was for that 2 weeks it was impossible.

I mean I was thinking now that he has lived with the Sea Hag for 6 months the fantasy is surely gone.

So I say all this in reference to the quote above.

Are there any marital recoveries when the WS has moved out, or moved out and lived with OW/OM. I'm wondering if its possible.

Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
Re: To Boot or Not to Boot-Final Answer??
Trying2live #2189069 01/07/09 02:31 PM
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sexymamabear Offline
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T2L,

tst moved out TWICE.

MarriedForever's husband moved out and she Plan B'd.

I know there's more, my mind is just blank right now.

Anything can happen. Just live today.

Happily married to HerPapaBear
Re: To Boot or Not to Boot-Final Answer??
sexymamabear #2189080 01/07/09 02:43 PM
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I'm told Mortarman has an incredible story of recovery, but I have not read it. Can't find it.

If you go to the Recovery board, Ace has a thread there for people to post their recovery stories. I can't remember the name of the thread. At some point, I intend to post mine there. I just have to put it together.

Happily married to HerPapaBear
Re: To Boot or Not to Boot-Final Answer??
sexymamabear #2189090 01/07/09 02:53 PM
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New Zealand
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lildoggie
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New Zealand

Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday laugh
Re: To Boot or Not to Boot-Final Answer??
Trying2live #2189160 01/07/09 03:59 PM
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princessmeggy Offline
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Quote
Are there any marital recoveries when the WS has moved out, or moved out and lived with OW/OM. I'm wondering if its possible.

Yup. (Raising hand). My WH didn't move in with OW#1 but he did with OW#2.

Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Re: To Boot or Not to Boot-Final Answer??
Trying2live #2189212 01/07/09 04:54 PM
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tully Offline
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tully
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Doesn't this
Quote
Dr. Harley is a clinical psychologist with 35 years experience saving marriages and nowhere does he advise people to kick out their spouse if they don't immediately end their affair. It is a foolish move if you have any intention of saving your marriage. And it is known that the risk of divorce is much greater when separated.
seem to contradict this?
Quote
So, to avoid an indefinite period of suffering while a wayward spouse vacillates between spouse and lover, and to avoid rewarding the selfish behavior of having needs met by both spouse and lover, if plan A does not work within a reasonable period of time, I recommend plan B.

Plan B is for the betrayed spouse to avoid all contact with the wayward spouse until the affair has completely ended and the wayward spouse has agreed to my plan for recovery. In many cases, once an affair has ended, a betrayed spouse makes the mistake of taking the wayward spouse back before an agreement is made regarding marital recovery.


I find this confusing. Perhaps Melody Lane would elaborate?

Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.
Maya Angelou
Re: To Boot or Not to Boot-Final Answer??
tully #2189215 01/07/09 04:59 PM
Joined: Nov 2008
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rustyshackelford Offline
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rustyshackelford
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Seems to me he is saying to not kick her out immediately. Plan A first and then after a period of time kick them out to go to plan B.

BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.

Moderated by  Fordude 

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