My husband's brother's new girlfriend is pregnant and due to have a baby in March. He was married just a year ago to a different woman. That bride left and he quickly became involved with this new woman. He got her pregnant. The bride left him shortly after they got married.

Now my MIL is having a baby shower for this pregnant girlfriend. Frankly I do not want to go at all. I am still in a bit of a surprise from the bride leaving him and I spent much time and money supporting the wedding. This is not my brother, it is my husband's.

I don't see the reason why a big baby shower needs to be held with the brother doesn't even have a divorce from the wife yet.

What should I do?

You know, the baby will need certain things. It is not the baby's fault that these are its circumstances.

However, I fully understand your desire to not support this adulterous relationship.

Additionally, according to the etiquette books, it is not proper to give a party requiring gifts (such as a baby shower) for someone so closely related to you. So, your mil is treading on thin ice regarding the propriety of having a baby shower for her son's affair-girlfriend.

Thank you Cinderella for responding so quickly. this has been really bothering me as the shower is on Sunday. I did not really think about the relationship - you are right - it is his adulterous girlfriend since he is still married to his wife even though they are living in separate states.

I think my MIL just wants everything to be fine and she wants to support her son no matter what. They happen to be living in my MIL and FIL's house right now which further complicates things.

I think that it is not the baby's fault and I would be willing to give the baby a gift, but just not at this public display.

You are right, now that I think about it, it is in poor taste to say the least.

I think I would rather wait until the baby is born and then I will bring a gift to her at the hospital or shortly after.

Do you think this is a good idea? I am so tired of broken relationships and broken etiquitte. It seems like anything goes now and anyone who questions the validity of these situations is seen as the "bad guy".

I believe that is what I would do. Quietly provide a gift in a more private setting.....but not attend a big party for the adultery partners.

I might even consider ordering it and having it delivered from the store.

I need help again. Here is an update. Baby was born and next day I bought the gift that they, as a couple, registered for. My H brought the gift to the mother in the hospital when he visited while I was working.

H's brother and mother of baby are still living with my in-laws.

Now my MIL phoned me and encouraged me to come over and visit the new baby.

I said that we have been busy (truth) and my H said the baby is very adorable (truth) and I saw a picture of the baby and agree baby is cute (truth).

I still have no desire to go see them at all. Am I wrong?

I do not feel angry or anything - I just have no desire to see them as I do not support this relationship.

Am I wrong not to be visiting? I sent the gift to close this up and fulfill any obligations I might have. I am not punishing the baby. I am just married to the father's brother. That's it. My H and his brother are not close and are very far apart in age.

Candy, I've always thought that one of the best things about being an adult vs. being a child is that you can make decisions on which family members you wish to associate with.

Just remember that this child is now your niece/nephew. You don't have to be a part of this child's life if you don't want to. But hey, looks like the kid could use some good role models, right?