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First of all, let me say that I think other posters are being incredibly unfair to you by being so judgemental.
Considering your husband is bipolar, it seems like he really needs some professional help. Is he willing to work on this problem? Thank you, we are trying to get this under control. At times he is so difficult because, he does not like the way his medication makes him feel. He also hates speaking to a psych..but too damn bad! When your sick you MUST BE SEEN! Especially if it's an illness in your mind that controls your life!
Married for 4 years...things can only go up from here.
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FW...
I'm not going to speak to the swinging, as I think it has been addressed over and over, other than to say that I do not agree at all with that lifestyle...
I want to talk to you about your husband's Bipolar Disorder...
As someone who grew up with a father that had Bipolar Disorder, I can tell you quite a bit about it...(My dad passed away in June 2007 at the young age of 61 during a manic episode. Unmedicated.)
What your husband is telling you about being able to control himself is FALSE!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot stress that enough...Without medication, no way, now how...Mr. W was right, his cycles will worsen with age...Your boundaries about this will have to remain IRON CLAD...Knowing what I know, I personally could not live with an unmedicated Bipolar...And medication alone is NOT enough, he MUST have counseling at all times as well...Here is why: Part of the illness is [in almost all cases] believing that the illness can be controlled by self will, and therefore once stabilized on meds they will rationalize that they don't need the meds! There is no med that can convince you to take a med, so counseling in conjunction with meds is a MUST...For me, it is the ONLY way that I could remain in a relationship with someone with Bipolar Disorder...
You mentioned his hyper-sexuality...that is a symptom of his illness...Read everything that you can get your hands on about this very cunning disorder...Get yourself and your children in counseling and support groups...
A GREAT book is An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison. She is a professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, and also has Bipolar Disorder...It was a fabulous read, I learned TONS...
God Bless,
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Thank you...I know he has no control over himself anymore! He is just so damn difficult when it comes to the medication and counseling. But this time around..I am not playing games!!! Not only is he going to see his psych...but he is going to take me with him! We are also joinging marriage counseling. I want EVERYTHING about him out in the open! I know him..and I know he only tells them tid bits about himself. I also know he ALWAYS tells people what they want to hear.
This is so hard on me seeing that he cant even give me a logical explanation as to why he feels the need to cheat on me. Except that he feels ADDICTED TO HER! But what I am confused about is this, back in nOvember when this turned into a full blown affair. He would not speak badly about her...in fact we got into a couple of fights because, he would stick up for her!! But now he is calling her a b1tch, calling her "that thing", and even IT! I dont understand what changed.
It could be that I read the disgusting messages out loud to him. Or it could be that the kids saw me packing his bags and started helping!! I'm not sure..I just hope this is a wake up call..because, I wont be around if [censored] hits the fan again.
This swinging B.S. has been over since the first week of October. I cant believe this mess has started up again.
Married for 4 years...things can only go up from here.
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Thank you...I know he has no control over himself anymore! He is just so damn difficult when it comes to the medication and counseling. Oh yes, I know, I know...That is part of the illness and it is MADDENING...I truly understand... But this time around..I am not playing games!!! Not only is he going to see his psych...but he is going to take me with him! I can't tell you how many times that I or my mom went with my dad...So many broken promises...It is a VICIOUS cycle...Ultimately whether or not he takes the meds and goes to counseling will be up to him though...The only thing that you can do is enforce your boundaries...If you choose to live with someone with a mental illness, as I told you earlier, your boundaries will have to be IRON CLAD...Seriously, get yourself to a counselor that HAS EXPERIENCE (preferably personal experience) with Bipolar Disorder...You WILL need it... We are also joinging marriage counseling. I want EVERYTHING about him out in the open! I know him..and I know he only tells them tid bits about himself. I also know he ALWAYS tells people what they want to hear. Okay, but until his illness is treated, I'm afraid MC won't do much good...And I know just what you mean about him telling them only tidbits...It is a VERY CUNNING disorder and even many professionals are fooled... This is so hard on me seeing that he cant even give me a logical explanation as to why he feels the need to cheat on me. Except that he feels ADDICTED TO HER! But what I am confused about is this, back in nOvember when this turned into a full blown affair. He would not speak badly about her...in fact we got into a couple of fights because, he would stick up for her!! But now he is calling her a b1tch, calling her "that thing", and even IT! I dont understand what changed.
It could be that I read the disgusting messages out loud to him. Or it could be that the kids saw me packing his bags and started helping!! I'm not sure..I just hope this is a wake up call..because, I wont be around if [censored] hits the fan again.
This swinging B.S. has been over since the first week of October. I cant believe this mess has started up again. If he is cycling, his mind can change on a dime...about ALL things...Hyperfocus on certain things or people is common...and then, poof, it's on to something else... Seriously FW, PLEASE educate yourself on this illness...IMO, that must be addressed before any marriage issues can be... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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This is a *L I N K * to a "notable post" written by Star*fish. I think you would be well advised to read her words. Maybe book mark her post. What you've got going on with your H is a non-intimate marriage. People choose to depersonalize lovemaking and turn their bedroom time into a series of sexual acts for a reason. Almost universally, that reason is to avoid intimacy. True intimacy is more than rubbing uglies until orgasm. Engaging in sexual acts like a circus performer is - just that - a performance, an act, a way to have sex without showing your vulnerability. You claim "We were curious" as the reason you made this unfortunate choice. That is something you tell yourself to avoid the deeper truth about your marriage. Having another girl in your bed was a way of keeping distance and avoiding intimacy. I write this to you as an invitation to look deeper into yourself. "I was curious" is a ruse and avoids a more meaningful exploration of who you are. Grow from this. Look deeper into your intimacy avoidance.
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This is a *L I N K * to a "notable post" written by Star*fish. I think you would be well advised to read her words. Maybe book mark her post. What you've got going on with your H is a non-intimate marriage. People choose to depersonalize lovemaking and turn their bedroom time into a series of sexual acts for a reason. Almost universally, that reason is to avoid intimacy. True intimacy is more than rubbing uglies until orgasm. Engaging in sexual acts like a circus performer is - just that - a performance, an act, a way to have sex without showing your vulnerability. You claim "We were curious" as the reason you made this unfortunate choice. That is something you tell yourself to avoid the deeper truth about your marriage. Having another girl in your bed was a way of keeping distance and avoiding intimacy. I write this to you as an invitation to look deeper into yourself. "I was curious" is a ruse and avoids a more meaningful exploration of who you are. Grow from this. Look deeper into your intimacy avoidance. intersting...I will have to read this link.
Married for 4 years...things can only go up from here.
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This is a *L I N K * to a "notable post" written by Star*fish. I think you would be well advised to read her words. Maybe book mark her post. What you've got going on with your H is a non-intimate marriage. People choose to depersonalize lovemaking and turn their bedroom time into a series of sexual acts for a reason. Almost universally, that reason is to avoid intimacy. True intimacy is more than rubbing uglies until orgasm. Engaging in sexual acts like a circus performer is - just that - a performance, an act, a way to have sex without showing your vulnerability. You claim "We were curious" as the reason you made this unfortunate choice. That is something you tell yourself to avoid the deeper truth about your marriage. Having another girl in your bed was a way of keeping distance and avoiding intimacy. I write this to you as an invitation to look deeper into yourself. "I was curious" is a ruse and avoids a more meaningful exploration of who you are. Grow from this. Look deeper into your intimacy avoidance. Thank you! you and Mr. W are very very helpful!
Married for 4 years...things can only go up from here.
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Thank you! you and Mr. W are very very helpful! Heeeeeeeey! What am I, chopped liver? There is a MRS. W that has been posting to you too...  (Mr. W is my husband) In answer to the question on your other thread...No, it is not a good idea to withhold sex in marriage... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I said YOU and Mr. W silly! Really...even if there are ill feelings afterward? I love being with him still...and he loves being with me. Despite what usually goes on in Affairs afterward. We always get really close! Sometimes he says he feels used by me..since I start asking questions and feeling weird after sex. I always reassure him that I am not using him, however I can't help the bad feelings rushing back after my head clears up after the deed. These times are very special to the two of us and I don't want to ruin them.
Last edited by fabulous_woman; 01/11/09 12:02 PM.
Married for 4 years...things can only go up from here.
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I said YOU and Mr. W silly! Really...even if there are ill feelings afterward? I love being with him still...and he loves being with me. Despite what usually goes on in Affairs afterward. We always get really close! Sometimes he says he feels used by me..since I start asking questions and feeling weird after sex. I always reassure him that I am not using him, however I can't help the bad feelings rushing back after my head clears up after the deed. These times are very special to the two of us and I don't want to ruin them. LOL, you quoted Pep, I assumed you were talking to her...No worries!  Yes, really, it is bad to withhold sex in marriage...The goal here is for the two of you to be romantically in love and you do that by filling each other's Emotional Needs...How could you do that without having SF? Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Why did you include in your thread title? Is it because you KNOW your choices were not morally correct?
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I think that the ONLY time someone writes "don't judge me"is when they KNOW their actions will be judged because they KNOW they have acted badly! A person never says: "I educate my child .... please don't judge me." "I've been faithful to my vows ... please don't judge me." "I got an A on my book report ... please don't judge me." "I exercised and watched my diet and lost 35 pounds ... please don't judge me." They might say:"I don't make my child attend school ... please don't judge me." "I've cheated on my spouse ... please don't judge me." "I failed my book report ... please don't judge me." "I ate 12 donuts and sat around on my butt all day and now I am fat ... please don't judge me." It is a  that your conscience bothers you when you say: "Please don't judge me" You know your actions deserve scrutiny - but you reject that very same scrutiny.
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Unique situaton...please don't judge me Unfortunately, your situation is not unique at all. Its fairly typical. We've seen it here numerous times. So it's sadly ordinary. Wrong doing is never unique or special. Jo
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Unique situaton...please don't judge me Unfortunately, your situation is not unique at all. Its fairly typical. We've seen it here numerous times. So it's sadly ordinary. Wrong doing is never unique or special. Jo It would be UNIQUE to see this thread title: ordinary adultery - please judge 
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Unique situaton...please don't judge me Unfortunately, your situation is not unique at all. Its fairly typical. We've seen it here numerous times. So it's sadly ordinary. Wrong doing is never unique or special. Jo It would be UNIQUE to see this thread title: ordinary adultery - please judge
Me(bw/fww) 39
recovering with amazing fwh/bh 36
DS 7
DS 4
His
EA Oct '07 - 7/2/08 (d-day)
NC 7/4/08
Hers
EA/RA 6/'09-3/'10
NC 3/17/10
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Just curious - if you "always knew" you wanted to sexually experiment with a woman, why on earth did you get married?? A marriage is for TWO people...three's a crowd.
Me(bw/fww) 39
recovering with amazing fwh/bh 36
DS 7
DS 4
His
EA Oct '07 - 7/2/08 (d-day)
NC 7/4/08
Hers
EA/RA 6/'09-3/'10
NC 3/17/10
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I said YOU and Mr. W silly! Really...even if there are ill feelings afterward? I love being with him still...and he loves being with me. Despite what usually goes on in Affairs afterward. We always get really close! Sometimes he says he feels used by me..since I start asking questions and feeling weird after sex. I always reassure him that I am not using him, however I can't help the bad feelings rushing back after my head clears up after the deed. These times are very special to the two of us and I don't want to ruin them. LOL, you quoted Pep, I assumed you were talking to her...No worries! Yes, really, it is bad to withhold sex in marriage...The goal here is for the two of you to be romantically in love and you do that by filling each other's Emotional Needs...How could you do that without having SF? Mrs. W Your right...he nad I both know as well. That we can not go without sex !
Married for 4 years...things can only go up from here.
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[quote=broken_soul]Just curious - if you "always knew" you wanted to sexually experiment with a woman, why on earth did you get married?? A marriage is for TWO people...three's a crowd. [/quote
When I married my husband..at the time our love was more important then experimentation. I am trying to now bring it back to where it used to be!
Married for 4 years...things can only go up from here.
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[quote=broken_soul]Just curious - if you "always knew" you wanted to sexually experiment with a woman, why on earth did you get married?? A marriage is for TWO people...three's a crowd. [/quote
When I married my husband..at the time our love was more important then experimentation. I am trying to now bring it back to where it used to be! And finding a swinging man on MB to chat with will help you reach this goal HOW exactly??
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I can almost imagine their (Fabu & J47) email exchange: Fabu: They don't understand us, our situations are so special and unique. Yanno, evolved. They're in the dark ages with promoting and only supporting traditional marriage. J47: I so much agree. I'm sure my marriage's "Life-Style" had nothing to do with the adultery I experienced in my marriage. Fabu: Yeah, mine either. A few weeks (if that long) after Fabu and J47 have been emailing & IMing one another:"I think you and I should talk on the phone. Emailing is so cumbersome and I really need to talk to someone who understands this, I'm so upset right now. Can I have your phone number?" The predictable beginning of an emotional, soon to be physical, affair. 
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